Finally!

Hello humans,

Well, I am finally sending you greetings again. I have been asleep at the wheel lately, haven't I? Did you all have a nice Christmas? We did here at Missy Linda's house. It was a low key holiday, which was fine for all of us this time. I didn't do much to participate: mostly, I just observed.

Missy Linda slept a lot Saturday afternoon and Sunday. I think she was hitting the antihistamines because she has had a cold or something lately. I guess I should have taken advantage of that opportunity to get some things done which she might not like, huh? I can't believe that I missed my chance!

Tomorrow is Missy Maitlyn's eighth birthday. Sometime this week she is having her first sleep-over birthday party. I guess she is just about grown up now. She is the oldest of the five little granddaughters so everyone around here thinks that she is getting too old too fast. You know how you humans are!

Safe and Happy

Season's Greetings humans,

I just want to say to PseudoUncle to have a safe and pleasant trip to Dallas. PseudoUncle is going to visit Missy Leslie and Mr. Kirk in Dallas for their annual holiday open house. He will also be seeing Missy Sharon's mother and sister and brothers and their families. Juana wants you to know that she will be thinking about you, PseudoUncle.

Missy Barb has Missy Joanie and Mr. Brad and Missy Ashley and Missy Ally at her house for this whole week. We know that she is having a great time. Tonight Missy Carol and Mr. Fred and Missy Linda and Mr. Kane and Juana Tortilla will go to her house for Christmas Eve dinner. (Did you see that I said Juana Tortilla will be there?)

Well, I just hope all of you humans have a peaceful and meaningful holiday.

Not Much Progress

Hello humans,

Well, there has not been very much progress in the Christmas department here. I was hoping that Missy Linda would get more done yesterday. I think that she should just snap out of it and get crackin'! She just kind of goes in slow motion these days. I hope this family has a better year next year than they have had for the last couple of years.

One thing that Missy Linda is happy about is that she has become good friends with Missy Barb and Missy Carol. They all keep each other going sometimes. Now they are getting to be good friends with PseudoUncle. It's not that they didn't know each other before: they just weren't close friends. Now they are all getting to depend on each other. And when she doesn't forget me, I get to attend their parties! That has to be good, right?

Getting Busy

Greetings humans,

I think that Missy Linda is finally starting to get busy with the Christmas stuff. She has been dragging out boxes and stuff today. I hope these are the real decorations that she is going to put up today and not just some wrapping and stuff. I think that she has had some trouble this year getting started. She doesn't dislike the holidays; she is just not in the mood to do her own decor.

She is still missing Mr. Andrew, I know. This morning, she saved some of her scrambled eggs for him before she remembered that he wasn't here to eat them. I think it will be hard to change the routines involved with Mr. Andrew after eighteen years. That's a long time to be a part of someone's life. Mushu is doing his best to snuggle up at night, but he is definitely a different kind of cat---beginning with his size! He is a fairly nice cat except that he does scratch at the girls when they are trying to play with him. He definitely does not have the wisdom that Mr. Andrew had. Maybe he will learn some day. Do you think he ever will?

A Very Fond Farewell

Hello humans,

Well, as you can probably tell from the pictures and the title, our Andrew has passed away. As you all were informed, he had been sick for awhile. We have just been happy that we got to have the time with him that we did. A lot of family members got to see him at Thanksgiving, and Missy Linda thinks that the vet was surprised he was still here that long. Andrew was a very loving cat. If someone sat down, he was known to hop into his or her lap just to visit.

Missy Linda says that she believes that Andrew thought he was the head of the house after the Mister left. He was also the head of the house when the Mister was out of town before he left for good. Andrew made sure that the whole area knew that he was the top cat around here when he first moved to this neighborhood. He did not just protect his own yard, he protected a couple of blocks from other cats---even though they lived there! He looked a little raggedy by the time he was fourteen or fifteen years old. He had a definite limp, and he had pieces missing from his ears. He was never a very large cat, but he had a huge personality.

He always welcomed other cats who came to visit into the house. He was best friends with Missy Elise's cat Gus, even though Gus was known to have a less than pleasant personality. He even watched over any new kittens who came to live here while he was the reigning monarch---and believe me, there were a lot. None of them ever lived a long life like Andrew did. He was truly one of the all time great cats. We are very sad here.

Better Start

Hello humans,

Well, at least Missy Linda is up and getting started a little before seven today. I hope that is a good sign. Lately she has been sleeping until at least seven, and if Button and Mushu will let her, until seven thirty. At least the day is not half over already today. Sometimes, though, I notice that if she gets up too early, she just kind of drags around. I don't know what to do to get her in gear. As Roseanne Roseanna Danna said, "It just goes to show you. It's always something. If it's not one thing, it's another."

If you don't know who Roseanne Roseanna Danna is, you are probably younger than Missy Linda. I don't know who it is, but Missy Linda says that all the time. Apparently, it was some funny lady a long, long time ago. You know, when the fish first started crawling up out of the water and oil was plankton.

I had better quit making jokes about Missy Linda. She might find out what I said, and I don't really mean anything by it. (!) Besides, she always says, if she is going to dish it out, she had better be able to take it. I think that is true, don't you?

Where Did It Go?

Hello humans,

I can't believe that I did not even realize that I missed writing yesterday. Missy Linda was all in a dither, and I could have had the computer to myself for awhile. She is just getting nowhere fast these days. I, personally, cannot tell one thing that she has accomplished lately. Since her finals, she has just basically been a slug, as far as I can see. I would personally suggest to her that she stop having on those stupid holiday movies in the background all day. Those are enough to make anyone droopy.

She had better get crackin' as far as I'm concerned because I think that she "needs a little Christmas." Maybe she will feel more in the mood when the high temperature for the day is 28 degrees, like it is supposed to be next week. We'll see how perky she is then, right?

Grades

Good morning humans,

What is it with grades that keep you guys so obsessed? Well, I guess it is only the students who are driven crazy about grades, but, in turn, Missy Linda is driving me bonkers as well. She thinks she has to keep checking several times a day on the web site to see if her grades have been posted. She is becoming quite the computer hog! She points out to me that she paid her parking ticket so she would be able to get her grades in a timely manner. Balderdash! She would pay that ticket anyway because she is just one of those annoying goody-two-shoes who would never let it stay on her record. (Actually, she is afraid that they will arrest her or something, and she will be sent to the school prison or wherever they send students who don't pay parking tickets---death row, maybe?) She is very weird! She says that guilt and fear have always worked for her.

Well, if that is the case, then I know what my job is going to be from this day forward. I am pretty good at laying on the guilt and fear. She doesn't stand a chance! I will definitely let you all know how well my plan is working. Maybe you will want to try it on someone close to you, right?

Lights

Hello humans,

Do you guys drive around to see the Christmas lights on other people's houses or go to those big displays in other towns that would knock your eyes out? Some day I hope to get to do that. It sounds like it would be so spectacular! I saw a picture of a town not far from here that looked like it has a beautiful bridge that is all lighted. If they would let me walk across, I would pretend that I am at the Oscars or something. I would wave to all my fans, and I would love every minute of it.

Have you all got your decorations put up? As usual, Missy Linda is running behind. She hasn't got anything out yet. There is no tree or anything. I am beginning to get impatient with her. I think she is still having allergy problems, but if she is not, she had better get up off her keester and get busy. Sometimes she kind of gets stuck in low gear, I think. I am going to try to think of something motivational for her by tomorrow---you know, like a good swift kick in the pants! That should work, right?

Sleepy and Cranky

Hello humans,

I can tell you that I am going to have a terrible day. Missy Linda was going to sleep late today, but she woke up really early, and now she is tired and cranky---not that she has done any work or anything. She is finished with her finals, and she says she is ready to relax for a day. If she would go back to bed, I could shop online some more! There are always new things popping up on the internet!

Missy Linda says she has to get out her Christmas tree and her village to decorate for Christmas. Maybe she will start on that this afternoon or tomorrow. Everyone else in the neighborhood has had their stuff up for awhile. She is way behind. She had better get busy, right?

Missy's Headaches---Good For Me!

Greetings humans,

I must tell you guys that I have learned a valuable lesson around here. If Missy Linda has a headache that has an ice bag involved, it is time to go shopping on the internet! I got all my Christmas shopping---for me---done yesterday! I can do almost anything, except make loud noises, when she goes off into her bedroom with an ice bag and that glassy look in her eyes. I don't know why it took me so long to catch on to this. I think that these headaches usually have something to do with the weather, but I have not figured it all out completely. I am working on it, though.

Speaking of shopping---you should see the things I got! There are some amazing things available on the internet! And did you know that they can't really tell who you are from the computer? It's not like I actually have to lie or anything. I will have a photo shoot soon to show you my fabulous purchases, OK?

Boomer Sooner!

Hello humans,

I don't know if you are interested in OU football, but it's important that they will be playing for the national championship at the Orange Bowl in January. That is somewhat unexpected this year after we were beat by Texas earlier in the season. PseudoUncle is not even a fan of OU (one could say that he is the opposite of a fan) and even he watched the game last night. Of course, that was probably because of the good company at Missy Barb's house. Mr. Fred and Missy Carol were there as well. I was not there! I am reporting all of this with one degree of separation.

Again, let me just mention that I am tired of being forgotten at home while Missy Linda traipses off to all kinds of places. Notice how there have been absolutely no pictures of me doing fabulous things lately? Well, something has to change! Back me up on that, OK?

Oh, No! The Coffee Song!

Good morning humans,

I don't know what type of day that I am in for today! I heard Missy Linda singing the coffee song this morning. You know---the one that goes, "Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug." That means that she needed her coffee a lot. I don't really know why because she fell asleep watching television at an embarrassingly early hour, and she didn't get up until 7:00 this morning. Button was about to starve!

Anyway, Missy Linda and PseudoUncle and Missy Barb and whoever else they can drag into their web are going to watch the football game tonight at Missy Barb's. I hear there is going to be exotic pizza and beer and who knows what else. Yippee! It doesn't take much to make them happy, does it? It's kind of like when you humans jingle a shiny toy in front of a baby. Uh-oh. I think that I am being a bit cynical, aren't I? That's not really very nice, is it?

Cookies Smell Good!

Greetings humans,

Well, OK, I am a little late today. Missy Linda got busy baking some cookies, and then she ran some errands, and I was left without getting the computer turned on for me. She was baking cookies for Mr. Nick and his friends to take on their road trip to Kansas City for the Big 12 Championship Game. She already had the dough made, though, because she had baked some cookies for the last day of class for Comedy/Satire. Dr. Givan brought doughnuts shaped like snowmen, too, and those kids ate nearly everything! That sounds scary to me---that many college students who are that hungry, and then are on a sugar high! Yikes!

Add a couple of Red Bulls and you have a riot or something simmering.

I must say that I am in favor of the smell in the house that comes from baking cookies! We baked chocolate and nutmeg cookies. The Nutmeg Noels are favorites of Mr. Nick, Missy Elise and I don't know who else. They are good, though. Well, I will go for now, and I'll try to get a turn at the computer earlier tomorrow, OK?

On To The Next One!

Greetings humans,

I understand that now you all start getting ready for the next holiday. That's Christmas, right? Missy Linda said that she had a whole bunch of stuff to drag out from the closet that is under the stairs. She gets so whiny about stuff like that. So what if she has to carry the stuff out from the back while she is bent over because the ceiling is too low. She should have considered that before she stuffed it in there!

I understand that there will be some huge tree that gets covered with lights and decorations. I heard that Missy Linda has something called a Christmas village to put up to look at. I suppose I don't actually understand it all yet, do you?

Anyway, it sounds like fun for me because I have never done any of this stuff before. I think that I will try to enjoy it all. How about you?

What About These Ads?

Hello humans,

Well, is it back to work for you all today? Missy Linda will be going up to the library, but she doesn't actually have classes today. This is her last week for classes, though, and next week are her finals. She always thinks the semesters are too short. That's because she is not close to graduation. Her classmates who are graduating soon, all sort of start zoning out about halfway through the semester. She feels like she will never get finished sometimes, which is all right in some ways. If someone would pay her living expenses and school expenses, she would love to go to school for the rest of her life.

Well, on to the subject at hand. Have you all noticed the ads that are placed on my blog? I have to say that I am getting pretty tired of the ads that are about getting a flat belly or losing weight. They seem to be the majority lately! What have I done that adsense feels that they should place these ads on my blog? Do they think I am fat or do they think that you guys are fat? If it is you guys, then that is all right. If it is I, then I need to have a talk with them, don't you think?

New Friends

Hello humans,

I have to hurry with this. Missy Linda will be here taking over the computer in a couple of minutes. She says she is going to be glued here for the next two days writing some papers for school---except for when she runs to the library. That's all right with me because I am a little annoyed with her anyway.

I had never met Missy Leslie and Mr. Kirk in person before Thanksgiving, and Missy Linda didn't let me get in the middle of everything. I personally feel that my new friends wanted to see me act as I normally would, you know, trying to be the center of attention. I hardly got to do anything. I did not have a Pilgrim's costume or a turkey costume (too stupid for me, anyway), and all I got to do was sit on the dessert buffet. I did get my picture taken by PseudoUncle, but that is about it. I certainly thought I would get to do more than I did. I guess I'm probably lucky that I did not have to wash dishes, though, right?

I have to admit that the idea of the holiday is a good one. I was and am thankful for a lot of things, and now I realize that my life is not as bad as it could be. I will try to remember that I actually have a life nowadays (sometimes). Maybe I can nicely encourage Missy Linda to let me be more involved in interesting pursuits---that involve new outfits and wigs! That would work for me!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Greetings humans,

I just want to say that Missy Linda and I are so thankful that the old man of the house, Mr. Andrew, is still here with us today. We did not think that he would still be plugging along at this late date. As you may remember, he was eighteen years old last month, and he has liver and kidney problems (or so the expensive blood tests indicated). He does not seem to be in pain, and he still wants to go outside on warm days, and he can get up onto the bed, and he eats a lot and still drinks (we have cut out the margaritas).

We have a baby gate on the stairs to keep Mr. Andrew from going upstairs. Tio Kane does not like for him to come up there because Mr. Andrew plays mean tricks on Tio Kane. Missy Linda decided the other day that it would probably be safe to take down the gate except when the little girls are visiting. Low and behold, when Tio Kane came out of the door to his room, there sat Andrew! We had to put the gate back. That's a good sign to us.

Even if you are having a hard time, surely there is something for which each of you can be thankful. Missy Linda is grateful for many things even though she says this has been a trying couple of years for her. It might be hard to think of something for which to be glad, but surely there is one little thing---and sometimes, that is enough to get us through the day, right?

Running Late

Hello humans,

Well, are you all about ready for the holiday? I am beginning to worry about what is going to happen around here. Missy Linda doesn't seem to be even starting to get ready. Well, at least we are having ours on Friday, rather than Thursday. That gives everyone a chance to go to the holiday at two different celebrations without having to eat two meals in one day.

I get tired of watching Missy Linda try to do things. I believe that she lacks a certain organizational gene or something. She tells me that she just has to get things done in the order of the deadlines. For instance, she says that she has to go see someone about a job today. That is more important because that must be done today. Yesterday, she said that she had class almost all day---boo, hoo! Soon she is going to be in a panic because she has two papers due on Tuesday, and she is going to be in deep you-know-what. One of them is a research paper. I just don't have much sympathy for her most of the time. She should have worked on that paper rather than go to that party the other night, don't you think?

Home Again, Naturally

'Morning humans,

Well, as the title implies, I was forgotten at home again last night! I am sure that comes as no surprise to any of you, right? There I was sitting right in plain sight on the buffet in the dining room, and she walked out without me. I am going to have to figure out how to make some kind of noise to get her attention.

She had to go to a play performance at UCO for a class, but then there was a party at a professor's house afterward. I have even met this professor! Remember, last year when I went to a class with her? His name is Dr. Givan. All the students (well, almost all) love his classes. Missy Linda did say, though, that she is not sure a student should see a professor that drunk before the end of the semester. She can hardly wait to get to class to see if he remembers what he said. She is not sure which would be funnier---if he does or if he doesn't!

I might get to go to class soon, though. Dr. Givan wants to take some pictures of the students by the grades they will receive for the semester. (!) Anyway, I might be able to work myself into a couple of those. Nothing below a "B" though, right?

Thankful

Greetings humans,

I understand that the holiday you people celebrate this week is called Thanksgiving. So, I guess it is time for all of you to start thinking of some things for which you are thankful. Personally, I suppose that I am grateful because I am not forced to live head down in a shopping bag anymore (most of the time). I guess that I should be thankful for the new dresses, outfits and wigs that I have that Missy Linda made for me (even though there are not very many of them).

I know that Missy Linda is very happy that the washer wasn't really broken, and it needed only to be slapped around a little. She is thankful that she gets to go to college, even if she has to use credit cards when she shouldn't. I know that she is glad that she has five little granddaughters, some with curly hair, some with straight hair, and all with different shades of blue eyes (oh yeah, and their parents). She is glad that Tio Kane lives here to tell her to take a chill pill when she needs to hear that. I think that should be enough for her personal Thanksgiving.

For what are you people thankful?

Please, Shut Up

Hello humans,

How does a Tortilla Keeper Person get a human to shut up? That is not a joke with a punch line; that's a real question. I have to say that Missy Linda is finally (?) starting to drive me crazy! She will not shut up---and, it is all complaints about one thing or another.

Day before yesterday, she was griping because she had to memorize a soliloquy from "Hamlet" in one day and write two papers for the class. She had a test in another class the next day, and her final project was due in yet another class. Oh, boo hoo!

Yesterday, it was whining because she did not have to actually recite the soliloquy after all that work. Then she thinks she made a bad grade on the test, and she got a parking ticket on campus. None of her classmates who parked in the same lot with the same improper parking sticker got one. Please, be quiet!

She just started this minute yelling something about the washing machine's being broken. Earlier this week, it was the microwave that broke. Does anyone see the common denominator in these situations? You are correct---it is Missy Linda! Now she is going to complain about waiting for repair dudes to come, and then it will be the price of the repair. I know how these things go with her. I'll bet by the end of the day, the car will break down or something will explode around here.

I personally feel that she is some type of menace. I start to worry a little about my own safety at times like these. Does anyone out there hear me?


Oh! Glory! Glory! Missy Linda has just jiggled or slapped or abused the washer in some way to get it going again. She is pretty good at that sort of thing. I guess I had better watch out, huh?

Crappy Day for Me

Hello humans,

Why do you humans have so many crappy days to complain about? Missy Linda is all bent out of shape today because she has so much work to do for school for Thursday. She is whining that she already had a day's work to do, and then yesterday her Shakespeare professor gave them a week's worth of work to do in one day. Boy! Is she cranky today!

Ordinarily, I would ignore her, but she will be using the computer all day and night, and I won't get to shop online or write. That's when it crosses my line! Oops! Here she comes! I'll see you all tomorrow, OK?

Hardly Any Trips for Me

Hello humans,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISSY JOANIE!

That is the most important thing to say today. I like to wish you humans a happy birthday even though I do not seem to have one. It seems like kind of a big deal with you people so I want to participate in the merriment---although Missy Joanie lives in Albuquerque. I'm sure you remember , I was supposed to visit in Albuquerque last spring. As usual, something came up and Missy Linda and I did not get to go. Missy Barb and Mr. Patches went by themselves. I heard everyone had a wonderful time, and I know that there are a lot of Hispanic things out there. I was hoping to learn something about my heritage---you know, architecture, food, language, maybe even a family.

Then, when Missy Linda and I were supposed to go to San Antonio to visit Missy Ashley, it was Missy Amelia's birthday so we went to that. Missy Joanie and Missy Barb and Mr. Patches went to San Antonio and had a great time---except for when Missy Barb's car broke down in a scary place! I did get to go to Missy Amelia's party though, and it was fabulous!

Missy Barb, Missy Carol and Missy Linda had a slumber party Friday night, and I did not get to go to that, either! Missy Linda said she was in such a hurry when she was leaving that she just forgot me. Forgot me! Can you imagine! I'll bet there are humans out there among you all who would not just FORGET ME! Well, isn't there?

Welcome, Sam

Hello humans,

Well, your fold has been increased by one. Sam Turner Flaniken was born yesterday morning in Oklahoma City. He is Ryley and Emma's cousin. His mommy is Miss Lesley's sister. It seems like you people make a big production about having a new one of yourselves get here. And, by the way, where do they come to here from? (I don't mean the birds and the bees, people!)

I am so puzzled by so many things that you humans do. I thought I would have it all figured out by now. I never have heard anything about any baby Tortilla Keeper People being born. I have never seen it in the newspaper or heard it on the news. I have never seen anyone else exactly like me! I am beginning to feel like an alien. This is becoming worrisome.

Well, Missy Linda says I have to get off the computer because she needs to do something before she vacuums. Ryley and Emma are coming over to play today, and they play in the floor a lot. I personally don't see what a little dog hair and dirt could do to a kid, but Missy Linda gets her panties all in a bunch about it. Talk to you later, OK?

Never My Turn

Hello humans,

Well, I am a little late in the day today, aren't I? I think that Missy Linda forgot about letting me have my turn at the computer. If you all remember, I cannot turn on the computer and then get up into the chair by myself. It is still my goal to try to find a way to get that done without any person's help. Then I would be able to use the computer any time I wanted to---just like you humans do.

I will get to do some things that I like to do on Friday. I think that Emma and Ryley are going to come over to play with me on Friday. They are going to be having a new little cousin in a day or two, and their mom will be busy with that. That is good with me because they are a lot of fun, and they like to play Barbies and dress up and all the things that I like to do.

Uh-oh. Here comes Missy Linda. She is kicking me off the computer so that she can get her homework done. Big deal! She is always saying she has to do that. I am starting to wonder if that is true all the times she says it. What do you think?

Great Party

Hello humans,

This is me with Amelia and some of her birthday gifts. Aren't we as cute as can be? Amelia has just reached the age where she tries to use a "camera smile" rather than her own beautiful smile. I have noticed that all human kids seem to go through this phase. It's a shame that they get self-conscious. Amelia isn't even showing her dimple! Anyway, we had a fabulous time. Notice the beautiful tiara that she is wearing----hint, hint, Missy Linda. I really like that.

Oh, my! I can hear it raining outside. It's a good thing that it is not as cold as it was on Sunday! Missy Linda saw a little bird who just looked in the bird watering dish and then flew away. She thought that the water was gone so she went out there with a pitcher to refill it. It wasn't gone at all---it was frozen! The whole top layer about three eights of an inch thick was frozen. The weather dude said that it was 33 degrees so that seems weird. Anyway, it's not frozen this morning.

Well, Missy Linda is trying to get me to hurry up and finish this. She says she has home work to do. As you all know by now, she thinks that her needs trump my needs every time. That sucks, doesn't it?

I'm Beat!

Hello humans.

Well, I am kind of groggy this morning. I went to Fayetteville, AR, yesterday to Missy Amelia's 3rd birthday party. I had a fabulous time. There were a lot of people there that I did not know, of course. That's part of the reason that I like to go places---to meet new humans.

Oh, my goodness! I want to have a birthday party! Missy Amelia got some great presents! A little boy named Jack got her some beautiful pink sparkly shoes. Jane brought her a set of fabulous jewelry with huge pink stones that flashed with light. I have never seen jewels like that before. Does anyone know what those are called? There was a tiara, necklace, huge ring, two bracelets, and I don't know what else in the set. She got new clothes. Who wouldn't love that? I can't even remember the rest, except for a tea set. It was glorious!

I think I had better go and try to recover from the splendor of it all, don't you?

Out of Here!

Humans,

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISSY BARB!

Now, I will talk to the rest of you yahoos tomorrow----maybe. I am out of here! I am on my way with Missy Linda to Fayetteville for Missy Amelia's birthday party. Yea! I love birthday parties! And Missy Amelia loves me.

So long for today. OK?

Now, Back To Me

Greetings humans,

Well, the election is over. Did your guy or gal win? Missy Linda and Tio Kane are glad about who is going to be President, but they are not happy about some of the other races. Anyway, that is in the past, and it is time to talk about me again.

Like I said the other day, tonight is the dinner for Missy Barb's birthday. I am trying to figure out a plan to make sure that I get to go. Missy Linda has been forgetting about me a lot lately, and I need to put a stop to that!

On Friday, Missy Barb and Missy Joanie are going on the trip to San Antonio. Missy Linda and I could not go because we are going to Missy Amelia's birthday party in Fayetteville, AR. Missy Barb and Missy Linda keep saying to me that we will go to San Antonio next spring, but I am not so sure that I will ever get to go, now. I really wanted to see what my culture is like and look for long lost family members. Oh, well, next spring it is!

Go Do It!

Humans,

Just go vote today, if you have not already done it. And remember, Missy Linda and I need health insurance. OK?

What's Next?

Hello humans,

Well, I have celebrated Halloween, and I am attempting to get elected to something. What's next? Tomorrow is election day, and since I did not get on the ballot any where, I really do not expect to win---this time. So, that leaves me pretty free. What do you humans do next?

Missy Linda is sometimes running behind in her planning for things, so I am asking you all. If I need a beautiful outfit or need to get my hair done for something, I like to know ahead of time. Do you know that she did not make my Halloween wig until that day? That really worries me when we are cutting things that close. I like to savor my appearance ahead of time.

Last week Missy Linda, Missy Barb, Missy Carol and Mr. Fred took Pseudo-uncle out to dinner for his birthday, as I mentioned at the time. Remember? I did not get to go! This week, it is Missy Barb's birthday, and they are going out to eat again. I suppose I won't get to go this time, either. Then on Friday, it is Amelia's third birthday party. Missy Linda will be going to Fayetteville for that celebration, but I am figuring that she won't take me even though Missy Amelia particularly loves me. She calls me "Juana Tor-teeeeee-a". I love it!

You can see why I would ask what the next celebration is, in case I don't get to go to any of the family things coming soon. I think that I am being frozen out of my adopted family, don't you?

Almost Time to Vote!

Greetings humans,

I understand that Tuesday is election day. I know that I did not get on the ballot, but I have heard that in some places, a name can be written in. If you live where you can do that, please vote for me. Next time, I will understand the process, and I can get my name on the ballot. Of course, I will have to decide what office I would like to hold. Maybe you all can help me with that.

What do you think that I would be good at doing? I could run for vice president. They don't do much at all. Don't they really mostly just travel and make nice with other countries and stuff? I could do that easily. I heard that there is a big house that comes with the job, too. I think that I am much more strikingly beautiful than that lady who is running now. Also, I don't wear glasses, and I don't have a pile of kids. I would be free to really do some diplomatic work, don't you think?

Anyway, even if you can't write in my name, go out and vote. I will just have to wait until next time to really run. Just go and vote, OK?

Halloween

Greetings ghosties and ghoulies,

How was your Halloween? Mine turned out great! Tio Kane and Missy Linda came through and got me all ready for scaring kids to death. Most of our little Trick or Treaters were too little to understand me, but it was fun anyway. I helped Missy Linda give them candy.



Don't you think that I make an unusually magnificent "Bride of Frankenstein"? I don't know who that is, but I think I make the best one ever! I looked much too stunning to really terrify anyone. I like it that way. Sometimes, it is a slight disadvantage being so captivating, but it is a problem with which I can deal. How do you like my fabulous up-do? I have to admit, Missy Linda is a good hair stylist.

Well, I've got to go and get some rest. Next year, I am going to throw a huge party, and invite all of you guys, OK?

As Usual

Good morning humans,

Well, my life has been turned into staying at home for all trips, social events or anything thing else that I might enjoy. Last night, everybody took Pseudo-uncle out for dinner for his birthday. I heard that they were even seated in a little alcove in the restaurant. People who might have disapproved of my being there would not have even seen me. But, did I get to go? You know the answer just because I asked the question. Come on, you people all think that you are smart.

I am getting tired of this, again! You guys know that I have a beautiful, appropriate outfit to wear to a Chinese restaurant. Remember how I looked for Chinese New Year? I was ravishing, if I do say so myself.

Missy Linda even got to meet Richard Raccoon at Pseudo-uncle's house. I have never met a raccoon. Evidently, raccoons get Hershey bars and freshly shelled pecan halves for treats---or so I heard.

Another thing about this whole mess is that my Halloween costume is still in pieces all over the place! And Missy Linda is making me be someone ugly! Can you imagine! I will never be able to pull off that! I'll let you know how that turns out, ok? (with embarrassing pictorial proof, probably!)

Check Out This

Hey humans,

Guess what? Tio Kane finally got a couple of his captions on Pundit Kitchen. On my blog, click on"I Can Has Cheezburger?" At the top of that page in the bar, click on "Lol News and Politics." Tio Kane's captions are on page 2, today. There are numbers at the bottom of the first page to click on to get to other pages. Tomorrow, his will be on page 3. You're all smart: you get it.

Tio Kane's are the ones about the credit card with Sarah Palin and John McCain. His other one is about Craig's List and torture. It is right below the first one. Tio Kane is excited because he is always sending in funny things, but they never use them. He has sent in pictures of Andrew, too. They have never been published either, although, there are a couple that look like Andrew is in them. He is kind of that "every cat."

Speaking of Andrew, you will probably be happy to know that he is doing pretty well. He kind of has the sniffles again, but he is not throwing up very often---usually only when he eats something like part of a meatball sub or some dog food. Throwing up is a bad sign for what he has. I am happy that he is not getting very much sicker very fast and so is Missy Linda. We all love our Andrew, don't we?

My Turn Now

Hello humans,

Are you all about to freeze? It is cold again here. It was in the 30's again last night. I heard Missy Linda say she needed to get some weather stripping and stuff to block the drafts. Well, I say, get busy with that Missy Linda. It is time. Actually, it already was time.

I think that she is almost finished with those costumes for the girls. I hope so. I heard something about having to do the shoes yet. Who makes shoes? Even I know that is weird! I know that she has just finished her school work for tomorrow because that's why I haven't been able to use the computer this morning. She takes so long. It's almost like she is doing something important!

I believe that now it should be my turn to get some things done by her. If she doesn't get a move on, I will not have a costume for Friday. I am smart enough to know that Friday is Halloween, and I know that I need to have a costume----a good costume! Missy Linda, it is about time for it to be my turn. Right, humans?

Politics Looks Fun

Hey humans,

I have to tell you guys that after watching TV lately, politics looks like a pretty fun thing in which to be involved. I saw Saturday Night Live last night, and it was hilarious, I must say. I want to have as much fun as they were having. Missy Linda seldom misses The Daily Show with Jon Stewart or The Colbert Report on Comedy Central. I think that they make politics look like so much fun, too. They are even studying those shows in her Comedy/Satire class. Missy Linda says that I am not getting the point of those shows, but I don't care. I can have my own opinion even if it is wrong, can't I? Isn't that the American way? Sometimes she thinks she is so smart!

I heard that Sarah Palin got $150,000.00 worth of new clothes to be in politics. Now how could that possibly be bad? I have got to get into this game, I tell you. I think that I had a good bumper sticker with my "Tortilla Keeper Rights" campaign picture. I was hoping for some T-shirts, but nobody around here got off their behinds to help me make that happen. I get so tired of having no legs or feet. That really limits what I can get done. Hey, I should use that in my campaign, too. What do you think?

A Job

Good morning humans,

I haven't written this early in a while, have I? I'll bet not many of you guys get up early except when you have to. Oops! I see now that it is nearly 9:00 am. Well, that's early to me. I don't have a solid concept of time, you know.

I heard Missy Linda talking about getting a job. I don't know how that would work. She doesn't have time to take care of me properly as it is. I am not sure this is a good thing at all. I think that she has not actually taken the job yet; they just asked her if she wanted to work there. Maybe I have time to head her off at the pass.

On the other hand, I guess she would have more money to spend on me. And I'll bet she would not sleep so much. Why do you people sleep so much? I heard on TV that you guys sleep eight hours a day. What a waste! Get up and get busy, people!

Brrrrr

Greetings humans,

Wow! Talk about winter! It was in the 30's here last night. Now that is winter! I don't actually mind it too much though, since I don't really get out that much. However, if you remember, last winter, Missy Linda left me freezing in the car for about three days. That was not funny at all!

I am pretty sure that Missy Linda did not listen to the weather forecast yesterday because she did not bring in any plants. Oops. Maybe it didn't hurt them this time as it wasn't actually down to freezing.

I am so bummed today. I have reason to believe that I am going to have another dull weekend, as usual. Missy Linda is working on Halloween costumes for a couple of those little girls, and I haven't heard her say a word about me. I have a costume all planned if she will just listen to me and then get busy on it. I think I should look fabulous for Halloween, too! Don't you think?

Winter

Hi humans,

Well, I don't know where you are, but here in Edmond, OK, it is kind of wintry today. I think the weather dude said it is about fifty degrees, but it is wet and windy. Now, to humans farther north, that may not seem cold, and it's really not. However, I will guarantee you that if I were to go outside, I would smell the smoke from the fireplaces in the neighborhood. That's fine; I'm just saying it is getting to be like it should be at this time of year from what I've heard. This is the first October that I have been allowed to leave the house since I came to Oklahoma. If you remember, I spent my first few years here HEAD DOWN IN A SHOPPING BAG!

I think that Missy Linda and Tio Kane and a million or so other Okies are hoping that it will get cold enough to put a stop to the ragweed allergies. You know how they are about those things! I've never heard so much whining and sniffling and wiping of eyes.

I heard Missy Linda talking about how she is going to make some Halloween costumes later this week. I hope that I am on that list. She has been neglecting me, as you know. I think the least, and I do mean the least, she could do is to make me a costume for Halloween. Don't you think?

It seems that it is beginning to get sort of back to normal around here, but things are still a little quiet. I think that it might be that way for a little while. We will all miss Missy Sharon for a long time. Did I tell you that she was one of my fans?

Not Funny or Sassy Today

Hello humans,

I must be becoming a human. Today I don't feel funny or sassy or feel like ragging on Missy Linda at all. I just feel sad the way that the humans around here do. Missy Linda and Tio Kane have been asleep almost all day. That's okay with me. I heard them say that they were a little wrung out. It has been a grueling few days here.

Saturday was the memorial service for Missy Sharon. I heard that it was a beautiful tribute, and that there were many people there. Missy Sharon had a sister and two brothers, and her mother was there, too. After the service, the family and close friends went out to Missy Barb's beautiful home and had some food and talk. Missy Linda's five little granddaughters were there and so was another little girl their age named Brooke. They were good distractions for some people. Children are good at that.

Missy Linda told me that her family and Missy Sharon's family knew each other long before her brother married Missy Sharon. Their dads worked at the same company when they were kids. There is the story that Missy Sharon's parents chose Missy Linda's brother for their son-in-law before he even dated Sharon. There will be a big hole in these families forever.

As some of you know, Missy Linda's family has had a very hard year. One year ago this month, Missy Linda's mother died, and in the same month her divorce became final. Two days before Christmas, the older brother to Missy Linda and Pseudo-uncle died. He was Missy Barb's husband. There were the deaths of long time beloved pets, Puck and Jackie-O. Then Missy Sharon had her terrible accident. Missy Linda's family has had enough loss for awhile. They need a break and some time to heal, don't you think?

Just Can't Compute

Humans,

Even I, Juana Tortilla, a beautiful and lovely Tortilla Keeper Person, cannot make my mind believe what has happened in Missy Linda's family. I cannot imagine what actual humans with brains and hearts are going through. Missy Linda needs to get her house cleaned because her daughter and family are coming to spend the night before Missy Sharon's memorial service. She is having trouble getting started or getting anything done. She looks kind of like those people in movies who just wander around in a daze. I can actually understand that.

I did not realize when I started this quest of learning about you humans that you all have such hard things happen to you. Missy Sharon was married to my Pseudo-uncle who sometimes leaves comments for me on my blog. Missy Sharon also kept up with my life, and she sometimes commented to me through Missy Linda's email. I will miss her very much.

One thing that I heard the humans talking about is the trip that Missy Sharon took just last month and what fun she had. Missy Sharon and her daughter Missy Leslie and her son-in-law Mr. Kirk, all went to Palau to visit Missy Sharon's son and daughter-in-law, Mr. Ron and Missy Danka. Palau is where the Survivor show was filmed last year. Missy Sharon had not seen Mr. Ron and Missy Danka for four years so she was so happy to go. She swam with dolphins and did all kinds of really neat things. Maybe Tio Kane can retrieve that picture for me from their blog of Missy Sharon swimming with the dolphins. I'll ask him, ok?

Tragic Accident

Hello humans,

I think that I may be growing a heart like you people have. Even my hollow plastic body feels the pain that permeates the family today. My hollow plastic head wonders why something like this would happen. If you humans don't have answers, I don't know where to get them. What do you humans do when these horrible, unexplainable things happen? How do you keep on going after something like this?

We had a terrible thing happen in Missy Linda's family. Missy Sharon had a terrible accident while riding her bicycle in Norman, OK, on Tuesday. Missy Linda's brother and Missy Sharon, his wife, rode their bikes every morning for exercise. They rode the same eight mile route almost every day for over fifteen years. This day things turned tragic in a way no one could have ever imagined. Missy Sharon turned too sharply and then tumbled from her bike, hitting the back of her head on the pavement. We are so sorry to report that she died from her overwhelming injury.

It has been a very hard year for Missy Linda's family. A year ago this month, Missy Linda's mother died. Then, two days before Christmas, her brother died. Now this! It seems like a lot for one family.

Missy Barb, Missy Linda and I will take our trip to San Antonio sometime later.

Please keep the family in your thoughts and prayers, ok?

What Is The Magnetism?

Hey humans,

What is it about sports with you guys? I heard that Missy Linda's team, the OU Sooners, lost their game Saturday. I thought that was supposed to be the most important game of the year, to hear you people talk. Why is Missy Linda still in love with her Sooners if they lost? Don't you dislike your team if they lose? I just don't get it. I don't think that I will ever understand you people.

Missy Linda says stupid stuff like, "Just because your team loses, it doesn't mean you are not still a fan." She says it is really more important to root for them when they are down. Ok, whatever you say. I still don't get it, though.

Hey, San Antonio, Texas: You guys get ready down there. I will be coming to visit you all later this week. I am expecting to have a really great time even though Missy Linda is going, too. Sometimes she acts as if she is my mother! Anyway, get ready for me, ok?

Network Problems

Hello humans,

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a couple of days. When I finally got my turn at the computer yesterday, the network would not let me into my blog. As you can see, things are good now. We so seldom have that type of problems here that it is kind of a shock when it happens. We just wander around (Well, actually, I just sit there) with a glazed look in our eyes wondering what could possibly happen next? Could the sun rise in the west? Could the financial systems of the world collapse? Oops! Oh, wait!

On the news reports, it sounds as if you humans are in for a tough go of things! I am wondering if all of this is going to affect me. I am trying to imagine all the possibilities. If Missy Linda should become destitute and homeless, would one of you lovely humans step up and let me live with you? I mean, Missy Linda is fairly nice to me, but the relationship ends when the niceness ends. If I am shoved head down in a grocery bag and toted off to a homeless shelter, the gloves are off! You guys know that my biggest fear is again being forced to live head down in a grocery bag, or even an attractive gift type bag!

Please do whatever your government asks you to do to keep Missy Linda afloat. You don't want the beautiful and lovely Juana Tortilla to suffer, do you?

Jackie O

Greetings humans,


I just want to take a moment to say good-bye to Jackie O. She was the beloved companion of my Pseudo-uncle. I never met Jackie O personally, but Missy Linda had. I understand that she was a lovely dog and a good friend.She had an enjoyable live, bacon and eggs, lots of attention and pretty much whatever she wanted. She was the ripe old age of thirteen human years at the time of her passing. Good-bye Jackie O. Those who knew you enjoyed the experience.

I Want Rights Too!

Greetings humans,

It is about time that someone stood up for me, so that's what I intend to do! I hope that you will join me in supporting only those candidates who say that they will vote for legislation that gives rights to people like me. Surely, health care should be a right for everyone, not just a privilege. Missy Linda doesn't have health insurance and neither do I. I am not so concerned about her, but I do worry for myself. I have never been sick, but I am sure it could happen. I must be prepared for any eventuality.



I will admit that I want Missy Linda to be able to get help paying for her college. The sooner she gets that degree, the sooner she will be able to get a job. The sooner that she gets a job, the sooner that I will be able to buy clothes and go places and get my hair done by a professional. Oh, how I long for those days!

Please help out a Tortilla Keeper Sister and vote for the candidate that is for me! OK?

Elections

Hello humans,

Are you guys all thinking about only the elections these days? That is what it seems like to me when I watch television or hear Missy Linda and Tio Kane talking. Isn't there any thing else going on in your lives? It does not seem like it to me. All I hear around here is politics, and from Missy Linda, I hear about her stupid classes and what she calls "her life." (Like she actually has one! Poor thing.)

Am I the only one who is upset about Kenley's still being on Project Runway? Surely there are some of you who think that she is a one trick pony---not to mention her unwavering rudeness to Tim and all the judges! No one should ever speak to Tim that way---ever! She is lucky that I have no way to get to New York or I would take care of her once and for all!

Have any of you heard anything in all this election talk about Tortilla Keeper People? I have not heard word one. I want rights, too! I want the things for myself that you humans want for yourselves. I want health care and tax relief and free stuff and a goody bag. Isn't that what everybody else wants? If any of you hear of any candidate for Tortilla Keeper People Rights, please let me know, ok?

No Cheerleading For Me

Hello humans,

Well, as you can see, or cannot see, since there is no picture, I still do not have my cheerleading outfit so that I can cheer for OU. Missy Linda is just not on the ball these days. (Pun intended.) She is driving me crazy with puns these days. Some Shakespeare play she is studying is filled with puns, and she seems to think that if she has to learn something, so do I. Sorry, I am not interested.

Back to cheerleading: I think that I should be allowed to have an outfit for the number one team in the nation, don't you? I think that is certainly more important than Halloween costumes for little girls and quilts! That seems to be all she cares about. What is so important about little girls wanting to be Mulan or American Girl dolls? I just don't get it. It is not at all the same thing as my dressing as Marie Antoinette or dressing up for Chinese New Year or getting into the spirit for Cinco de Mayo---oops! Never mind.

I Want That House

Greetings humans,


So what do you think of me in pink? I read recently that Mary Kay Ash's house is for sale. You know who Mary Kay Ash was, right? She was Mary Kay cosmetics. Don't you think that would be perfect for me? The only problem is that, of course, everything (everything!) in the house is pink. I think I look great in pink, don't you? If you humans can get plastic surgery and botox and all kinds of things like that, it shouldn't be too hard for me to turn pink.
Anyway, the house has 12,ooo square feet with twenty rooms. Wouldn't that be perfect for me? The price is just under $5 million. Is that a lot for a house? If it is, I am sure it would still be worth every penny. I wonder if Missy Linda would be able to buy that for me. Do you think she would? I am absolutely sure that Miss Mary Kay would want a real diva like me to have her home, don't you think?

Another Sad Day

Hello humans,

It is kind of a somber day here at Missy Linda's house. The vet called with bad news about the health of my friend Andrew. You remember Andrew, don't you? He is the chip stealing, margarita drinking king cat around here. He will be eighteen years old this month. Anyway, the vet says that he is pretty sick and that he will be getting sicker. He has some liver problems and now some kidney problems. As with many king cats, he does not like to eat his special diet for his liver-----like no margaritas! He refuses to admit he has a problem.

Missy Linda is letting all of this news settle onto her for today. I guess that means that she won't be helping me with my Ford Modeling Contest application! I understand though because Andrew has been my friend since I first came to Missy Linda's house. Please keep a good thought for him, ok?


I don't know what happened down below here, but I can't make it go away. Oops. I am sure it is Missy Linda's doing, right?

A Quiet Day

Hello Humans,

I am hoping for a quiet day around here as far as Missy Linda is concerned. You know---no weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. She can be a little dramatic sometimes. Usually, at this time of year, she is carrying on about her head exploding because of allergies, but, this year, she actually looks as if it might happen. Even though she says that she doesn't feel any worse than she usually does during this period, her head looks puffy! Well, maybe, it is just her face that looks that way---like a puffer fish without the barbs. People have even mentioned it to her. She doesn't mind that as she says she would rather know the truth. (Someday we will see about that, ok?)

Anyway, I expect her to be quiet today because she finally got an A on a paper in her Shakespeare class. Not an important paper, but she is just happy to get one on anything in that class. She also got her first A of the semester in her Comedy/Satire class, which she considers to be her most important class. She really wants to learn every thing she can in that class, because she dreams of being a satirist. She has a long way to go, doesn't she?

I just want her to be calm and happy today so that I can work on my application for the Ford Modeling Contest! Can you believe it yet?

I Could Be Famous!

Greetings,

Oh my goodness! I am so excited! I could be famous! I got an email from the Ford Modeling Agency---the real one, in NYC---asking me to enter the Fresh New Faces Modeling Contest! Can you imagine? I am, of course, over the moon with excitement.

Now, all I have to do is get Missy Linda to help me enter. I am a little worried about asking Missy Linda to do something like that right now---she thinks she is so busy with her classes and stuff. Just because she is helping with some Halloween costumes and is in the middle of making a quilt, she will probably say she doesn't have the time. Also, I know that she will not spend any money to let me do this, so I hope it is free!

Wish me luck to get her on board, ok?

It's Cryin' Time Again

Hello humans,

Wow! Around here everyone's eyes are all teary and ookey! Are yours? I hear that it is a particular kind of allergy at this time of year that bothers more humans than usual. However, at this house, there is always some kind of irritation that bothers everyone. I have never seen the like of runny noses, headaches and puffy eyes as exist around here. I have heard talk of wanting to move into one of those houses that is all totally shut off from the world and everything is sterile. I don't think that is a good idea. If they do that, I will have to find some other family to take me into their lives. I am cut off from the world enough as it is.

Missy Linda is one of those people who can hole up at home for an indefinite period of time without ever missing the outside world. She can watch movies and read and sew and just let the world go by without worrying about it. Although, she is kind of a news junkie, which seems to contradict the other part. She is happy to just watch the world on television, I guess. I hate it when she gets into one of those isolationist moods. She just lets herself go all to heck. She gets a little hard on the eyes, if you know what I mean.

It used to be that she would never go without make-up and super clean hair, but she will some days now. I don't know what has come over her, but it is scary to me. Now, she doesn't go out of the house like that, thank goodness, but I worry that it could come to that. I do not think that the world would be ready for that, do you?

Politics

Greetings humans,

I watched the debate between the Presidential candidates with Missy Linda last night. I think that it may take me awhile to figure out politics. It definitely seems rather weird to me. I do not believe that I heard a word about Tortilla Keeper People at all. I do not believe that anyone cares about our rights.

After hearing about what different groups of people believe that their entitlements should be, I think that, since I am disabled, I should get some benefits, too. I do not have any medical insurance or anything along those lines. I just have to live with whomever will be kind enough to give me a home. I will probably never have a home of my own. I did not hear anything about someone caring about that.

It just occurred to me what I have to do. I will have to start a political group that will work with me to help get rights for the Tortilla Keeper People of the United States. I am sure that there must be more than just me. If you know any Tortilla Keeper People, please have them get in touch with me. It is of utmost importance. We have been kept down too long. Please help me in my fight, ok?

Are You Sick of Kenley?

Hello humans,

Again, I am having trouble understanding you humans. Of course, this is not big news. What is it with Project Runway that Kenley is still there? Is it that she makes things more exciting by causing so much crap? If I had been Tim, I would have slapped her sweet little 1950's face! He must be made of some strong mettle to have resisted that urge!

You know, at first she seemed like she did a good job of making the garments, even if they were ugly. However, it has developed that she is a one note song. I know the brats make for good television, but come on! If she is one of the last three, I will have to do something drastic, don't you think?

Yummy!

Hello humans,

This photo is of me with my scrumptious cinnamon roll at the fair. Missy Barb had to help me hold it because it is so big! Yummy!


The cinnamon roll place is the first place that we went when we got to the fair---after those crazy women found each other. They were standing two on one side of the big flag pole or space needle or whatever it was and two on the other side of the big flag pole or space needle or whatever it was, talking on cell phones to each other. They finally figured out where they all were, although I did wonder! You humans drive me crazy sometimes! What would I do for entertainment if you all weren't so ditzy?

Fun While It Lasted

Hello humans,

Here I am at the Oklahoma State Fair with Missy Carol, Missy Sonja and Missy Barb. We had a great time until I had to go home early with Missy Linda. If you remember, she got sick, and we had to leave early.
Missy Sonja is Mr. Fred's aunt from The Netherlands. Isn't she cute? She is very nice and a lot of fun. I wish that I could have spent more time with her. A while after this picture was taken, she tried on a cowboy hat with jewels on it. It looked so adorable! She didn't want to buy it, though, no matter how much we tried to talk her into the purchase. I hope that she comes back to visit Mr. Fred and Missy Carol again. She did not quite understand who I am, but she is still great.

Next year at the fair, I want to ride some rides and try more of the unusual foods. I hope that Missy Linda has a new camera by then that is tiny, but good. Her camera is kind of big for her to carry around every place in addition to carrying me and that humongous purse of hers! She looks ridicable!

There She Goes Again

Good morning humans,

Well, it seems Missy Linda made a B on her Shakespeare test that she was supposedly studying for earlier. She is not upset by this grade because a lot of her studying consisted of watching movies or television with a text book open on her lap. She says she has good intentions, but I think that she is just lazy. She did get only four points taken off the essay portion of the test---which had three essays to it. She will need to get that grade up though. This week they start with Much Ado About Nothing. That sounds like the perfect title for Missy Linda's life, doesn't it?

If any of you are old enough to remember Roseanne Roseanna Danna, Missy Linda subscribes to her philosophy which was, "It's always something. If it's not one thing, it's another." Missy Linda says that her life got easier for her when she finally realized that it would always "be something." When she was young, she thought that if she could just get this done or that finished, she could stop worrying or working or whatever it was. Then she finally realized that there would always be "something." That helped her put things into perspective and learn to deal with life better. For instance, just because this test is over, she can't take a vacation. It's time to start a new subject, and it will always be that way. Right?

The Fair

Greetings humans,

I absolutely could not believe it! Missy Linda took me to the Oklahoma State Fair with her on Wednesday! Can you believe it? It was a lot of fun. I certainly got to do a lot of human watching because she actually let me go in my see-through bag that Missy Barb made for me.

She took only a couple of pictures of me there, though, because she got sick and had to go home early. I did see, among the exhibits, two people similar to me who might have been distant relatives of mine. They were not tortilla keeper people, but one was a cake person, and one was a decorative pillow person. I was just happy to get to look at them even though Missy Linda was not feeling well by then, and she did not take their pictures. I can only hope that they were able to see me through the display case so that they know, too, that there may be others similar to them in this big world. It was quite a day!

Old Movie

Hello humans,

Can you believe that Missy Linda would not take me to the movies on Saturday with her to see The Women, but she did not hesitate to make me watch the 1939 version that was on TCM last night! How rude! Except for a fancy fashion show in the middle of the movie, it was not even in color. Now, if they had color, why didn't they use it throughout the movie! All those creepy looking women would have looked better if their weird clothes had been in color! Except for Mary, I could not tell who was supposed to be pretty, and who wasn't. Did people really dress like that?

I've seen a few pictures of Missy Linda's mother, and she did not dress like that. Of course, she was not rich. I think that I've heard that she was the opposite of rich. As dramatic as I like to be, even I would not dress like those women did!

Well, I need to wrap up for today. Missy Linda is hanging around trying to print something so I cannot speak my mind freely. I'll catch you all later, ok?

Same Ol' Thing

Good morning humans,

Well, as usual, I have been told that I cannot go to Palau unless I have a passport OR unless I want to ride HEAD DOWN IN A BAG! Now, if you all have been with me for awhile, you know that I do not like to be stuffed into a bag for transport or for storage. One of my biggest goals in life is to not let that happen to me again.

As many of you remember, I have spent a good deal of my existence HEAD DOWN IN A BAG! It is not fun. (If you aren't aware of this problem, look back to the earlier blogs.) Missy Barb made me a clear sort of carrying case with ribbon decorations and everything. I still use it when I travel. The only problem with it is that if Missy Linda leaves me in the car, it gets kind of soft and conforms to my body, and I nearly suffocate-----but I can still see! At this point in my existence, I am not willing to experiment to find out if I could, in fact, suffocate.

I suppose that now I am left with the only excitement in my future, that I know of, will be my trip to San Antonio next month. That will be great fun, but I'll bet you anything that I get left in the car a lot!

Well, I suppose, the nice thing to do would be to wish Missy Sharon and Missy Leslie and Mr. Kirk a bon voyage. I am trying to decide if I am a nice tortilla person or not.

She Always Does That To Me

Hi humans,

I just want to make it known that I am getting tired of the way Missy Linda has been leaving me at home all the time. She went to the movies yesterday and left me home again! I wanted to see that movie, too. She didn't even ask me if I wanted to go. She just told me that it would not be a good time to go since Mr. Fred's aunt from Amsterdam would be going. Missy said that not everyone would understand about me. She says that it is actually kind of strange for her to take me places and that other people do not take inanimate beings with them when they go places. Can you imagine? As if I did not have enough problems as it is! She is just being mean to me!

And she still doesn't have my cheerleading outfit made! If I were a real cheerleader, it would have to be ready at a certain time. Maybe she will have it ready by the last game of the season!

I think that I will ask Missy Sharon if I can go with her and Missy Leslie and Mr. Kirk to Palau. I think that they are going very soon. I know it is sometime this month. Maybe one of them has some extra frequent flier miles or something. They are going to visit Missy Danka and Mr. Ron who live there. I think they said something about scuba diving. That sounds fun! I wonder if I would have trouble staying under water. I think that they would let me go with them, don't you?

I Love Shakespeare!

Good morning humans,

I cannot tell you how happy I am about Missy Linda's Shakespeare class. They were supposed to have a test yesterday, but they didn't. Remember how she was supposed to be studying on Wednesday? Well, the professor just gave them a little quiz, which didn't count, to demonstrate to them how unprepared they really were. It's probably a good thing. Missy Linda wasn't prepared for that kind of a test!

That prof asked questions like, "What was the name of the primary text book that Shakespeare had in grammar school?" "What was the first book in which Shakespeare's name and some of his writings were listed?" "What year did Shakespeare's son, Hamnet, die?" "Who related the story that Shakespeare was a butcher before he started writing?" and on and on. Isn't that great? She is actually going to have to study this year? Ha, ha. Serves her right. She never has had to study that much. She won't be able to blow off this class. And there are papers to write, also. I love it!

She should be busy and stuck at home this semester, and that means that I can shop on the internet and do all the things that she won't usually let me do. If any of you want me to go someplace with you, just email me. I'll bet I would love to go places with you-----if you are fun! No fuddyduddies! I can get that with Missy Linda! I'll be waiting to hear from you, ok?

Today-----Shopping

Hi humans,

I do believe that I am going to have a great day today. Missy Linda has to study for a big test that she is having tomorrow, and that might mean that I have the freedom to SHOP online. Yea! I haven't been able to do that for a long time. When she is distracted by trying to get a project finished or trying to study, she wanders off from the computer while it is still on. That works out great for me!

I was very smart the last time that I tried to shop online, and I saved her credit card number. I hope that I can remember where I saved it and how to retrieve it. I am sure that if I concentrate hard enough, it will come to me. Otherwise, I will just have to find a way to get hold of the real card. If she studies as hard as she should, I will be able to do almost anything without her noticing.

The trouble with that is, she has never studied as hard as she should. She doesn't really study much at all. She always spends lots of time working on the papers she must write for classes, but she is not much of a studier. She would make better grades if she were. She does study some for the classes she likes, but, when she is taking math and biology and things that are peripheral to her major, she just blows them off. I don't think that she can afford to blow off Shakespeare. Whether she likes it or not, he is important, and those Shakespeare people are passionate about him and everything he ever said and did. She had better get busy, don't you think?

Let's Hope There's Enough

Hello humans,

If you hear screaming in a minute, it will be coming from my house. When Missy Linda got up, she discovered she barely had enough coffee, and maybe not enough to make it taste right. She did not have enough for how she usually makes it, so she tried to figure out how much water would make the right amount for the ground coffee she had. I guess we'll see in a minute or two whether she guessed right. She is pretty particular about her coffee. She is not a gourmand or anything, she just likes her coffee a certain way.

It's is probably not good to get up on a Monday and not have coffee, I'm guessing. Isn't that how it is with you humans? I'll guarantee you that Missy Linda will not run to the store without her make-up on to buy coffee. As important as coffee is, make-up is more important. The only people to see her without it is her immediate family. She says that she is not that vain, she just doesn't want to scare people. I will say, she is not so cute without it.

Missy Linda said that when she got up to feed the pets and give them their medicine, she saw the mother and children raccoons. Unfortunately, they saw her about the same time and headed for the back fence. I don't think that she is ever going to get a picture of them. Those raccoon kids are probably about ready to graduate from raccoon school by now. They are getting pretty big.

Well, I haven't heard any screaming from the kitchen so far. Maybe things will be all right, after all. I do want to mention that, if you noticed previously, Missy Linda got up to feed the pets and give them their meds. Can you believe that? I'll bet that she would complain if she had to get up just to give me medicine. However, I will say that it does have some entertainment value when she gives Andrew his pill. A grown woman vs. a nine pound antique cat. He usually wins the first two times, or so. Now, that's entertainment! Right?

Wow! Football Games Are Like Pageants!

Greetings all,

I have seen my first college football games now, and I like them. Not so much the actual games, but the marching bands and the cheerleaders and the pompon squads and the color guards and all those fabulous things where people also wear colorful uniforms. Oh my goodness! I would give anything to have legs and feet so I could do some of those things! I think that I would love to be a cheerleader or a pompon girl. Those guy cheerleaders have to be very muscular to lift those girl cheerleaders up and toss them around and do all those things that they do. I haven't seen an unhandsome one so far.

I hope that Missy Linda will make me a cheerleading outfit even though I have physical deficits that would make actual cheerleading impossible. She has been pretty good about things like that lately. I have a friend named Barbie who has an OU cheerleading costume. She says that she was a cheerleader there. I don't know.

I want to be a fan for OU. That's not where Missy Linda goes to school, but she is a football fan of that school. All of her kids graduated from college there, as did her son-in-law and daughter-in-law. She went there for a very tiny amount of time a long, long, long time ago, but she didn't even get close to graduating. She used to have season tickets with reserved parking, and she would fix a big tail gate feast and put up her red and white OU canopy and have a party. She gets a little sad on home game days now because she is not there in the big middle of the hoopla. She can't afford her tickets since the divorce, you know. Her goal is to work hard and have the money for them next year. We'll see, won't we? Boomer. Sooner. (Sorry, Pseudo Uncle)

Good News!

Good day humans,

I don't understand it all, but we have had a good thing happen here at Missy Linda's house. Tio Kane has had trouble with his eyes for a couple of years or more since he had lasik surgery to correct his vision. He was left with double vision in one eye and blinding halos and star bursts in the other eye. Later, he had a different kind of survery on the eye with double vision. Then he had triple vision. The last surgery was about six or eight months ago. He did not want another surgery.

Yesterday he saw his surgeon again. After a lengthy examination and much discussion, the surgeon tried a kind of eye drop that causes the pupils to get smaller. Having very large pupils was causing some of the problems in the surgery. After waiting 15 minutes, Kane could see! He says it is very dark, like wearing sunglasses at night, but other than that everything is sharp and clear----something he hasn't experienced for years! We don't know if this will be the answer in the end, but it's better than anything that has been offered yet. We will wait and see with great optimism, ok?

She Is On Cloud 9

Hello there humans,

Well I wish that I had realized all it takes to keep Missy Linda happy is to guess her age at way under what it really is. I don't know how many times in a row that works, but I am willing to give it some tries. She came in from school today saying what a great day she had. After she had babbled on for a while, she declared that the reason that her day was so good was that someone at school had guessed her age at more than fifteen years under what it really is. She said that it was not some kid who was guessing, but it was an adult woman who is younger than she.

I am totally shocked at this. I never heard this sort of thing from Missy Linda before. I did not realize that she was so shallow. Well, all right, I knew she was shallow about some things, but I did not know that was one of them. She says that it just happened on the right day at the right time, and that she is not really one to put such stock in something like that. Yeah, right. I'll keep you all posted on this. It might be knowledge we can use to our advantage, right?

You Humans Are Weird

Good morning you crazy humans,

And that pretty much means all of you! Remember yesterday, when I was talking about how Missy Linda said that people shop in other people's trash on Big Trash Monday? Well, this morning, I was just sitting in my place in the dining room, looking out the front window, when I witnessed it for myself. Two people in a pick-up with a long trailer attached, pulled up out front. You know, the kind of trailer that people bring on garage sale day when they are going to buy up the furniture, probably to sell in their store. Well, low and behold, they just shopped up Missy Linda's whole big pile of trash.

Missy Linda just said, "They are going to be so sorry when they unroll that huge rug. I could tell them, that smell will never come out!" And then she kind of smiled a very strange smile.

I stand by my original premise; You Humans Are Weird!

Big Trash Monday

Hi everyone,

I guess I am not going to the cook-out today. It is thirty minutes before it is supposed to start, and I can see that I am not being strapped into my car seat for a safe ride to such an event. Let me just say that I am very annoyed about all this!

I see that on the fridge there is a big note that says, "Big Trash Monday." Give me a break! Missy Linda has that up there like it is a big party or something. It just means that the special trash trucks will be here Monday morning to pick up the stuff that's too big for the regular trash. I will admit that some might have a good day shopping in other people's piles of trash before the trucks get around, but at least Missy Linda doesn't do that. There does seem to be a good variety of stuff put out each month, though. It can be enlightening just to notice some of the things that people throw away. It just shows how prosperous we really are, whether we think so or not sometimes, right?

Perhaps She Slipped Me Her Meds

Hi everyone,

I can't believe that I have just wandered away from the computer for this long and did not even realize it. I must have been so busy shopping on the internet, I didn't realize so much time had passed. Or, maybe, Missy Linda slipped me some of her medication from her surgery. She has been very happy around here since Wednesday, but she has been kind of "floating" looking.

She is feeling better about her classes since Tuesday. She even answered questions about "The Comedy of Errors" in Shakespeare class. But, alas, no one has received any extra credit in Comedy/Satire class for getting a date for her. They all thought that would be easy points, but I think they will be surprised how hard it could be, don't you?

Even though none of her classmates has gotten her a date, she has actually been invited to a bar-b-que on Sunday. I hope that she goes so that she can take me. I heard that there will be a lot of interesting people there. If I get to go, I'll have all the scoop for you, OK?

Babysitting an Adult

Hi everyone,

I am glad that I don't get sick or have to go to the doctor like you humans do. Missy Linda had a tiny outpatient surgery this morning, and she is driving me crazy. She was home by 1:00 pm, and that means I didn't have time to have any fun at all while she was gone. Tio Kane took her to the hospital. Since they had to be there by 6:00am, that is a little early for most of my friends to party. Then, because they got home so early in the afternoon, I hardly got to do anything on my own----you know, phone calls, internet shopping, all those good things.

After they ate lunch and Tio Kane picked up her prescription, he went upstairs to take a nap. That means I can't watch anything on television that I like that she doesn't. I can't shop on the internet using her credit card----or even just shop without using her credit card. I have to be around to make sure that if she falls or something, I can yell for Tio Kane----like I could yell louder than the noise she would make if she fell----ker-thud!

Don't worry about her, any of you. She is going to go to class tomorrow. She needs to go to hand in a paper, and she cannot let herself get behind in Shapespeare class or she will never catch up. Anyway, she hates to miss Comedy/Satire class because it is so darn fun. She did say that she had a bad day in that class yesterday, though. It seems that her professor is going to give extra credit to a student who can fix Missy Linda up with a date. To top off that, she got a "B" on the paper she turned in that day. Poor, Missy Linda. Let's all feel sorry for her for a moment, shall we?

They Really Love Me!

Good morning all,

I just wanted to show you one reason I was so busy last week. Here I am with Amelia , who is three years old. As soon as her hair dries, we are off to shop and have a day on the town. As you can see, I am all ready to go. Isn't Amelia's haircut cute? She cuts it herself (at least some of it)! Here is Elspeth, who is five years old. We are also waiting for her hair to dry so that we can get our fabulous day started. She and her older sister want their hair to get as long as Rapunzel's. I hope that doesn't mean that they have dreams of being locked in a tower some day!
This is my great friend Maitlyn. She is seven. As you can see, she is pretty much ready for the day as she already has on her boa. I think that is one of the most important accessories for a fashionable young lady, don't you? Don't tell her I said this, but, I love her little smattering of freckles! I think they are adorable. Of course, she is not fond of them. Also, she is not fond of the fact that she is missing some front teeth. That's why she doesn't have a huge smile. I think a half-smile is much more sophisticated, don't you?
We all had a great time, and Missy Linda and I are recovering nicely! I hope they can say the same.