Tornadoes Can Spoil Your Night!

Greetings all,
Oh, my goodness! I had no idea living in Oklahoma could be so exciting! I am not talking about that special kind of exciting when you feel warm all over and all twittery inside and just want to giggle or scream in delight. Oh, no. I'm referring to the kind of exciting when a wave of terror sweeps over you and you want to scream, but you have no voice, and you want to run, but you have no feet. (That last one is my special addition to my terror.) It seems that a tornado was close to Missy Linda's house in the wee hours of the morning! Tio Kane and Missy Linda were in the bathroom in the middle of the house with a baby mattress. (Again, one of those human things I do not comprehend.) Evidently, that is what people are supposed to do. This neighborhood did not have much damage, but one nearby was hit pretty hard.

Where do you suppose I was while they were hiding in the bathroom like little babies? You are correct if you guessed right in the middle of the dining table where I have been for several days now. I understand that I could have been sucked up into a big funnel and tossed about for no telling how far or how long! I have watched the Discovery Channel! Did anyone even think to grab me and carry me to safety? A resounding NO is the answer! Did they look for the dogs and cats? Of course, they did. Do dogs and cats have four feet each in order to run around? Of course, they do. Do I have any feet to fun around or away from danger? Of course, I do NOT! I think I had better go and reflect on how I am treated in this family. I might be looking for a new one. Anyone out there interested?

No Party for ME

Hi all,
Well, one of those little girls had a birthday party in Fayetteville yesterday. Did I get to go? Did I get to play party games? Did I get to have cake with melted wax on it? Did I get to go for a three and a half to four hour trip with Missy Linda's crazy driving to get there? Did I get to watch a little girl open gifts for what would have seemed like hours? Did I get to listen to Missy Linda sing with her weird CDs all the way over there? Did I get to be in the car when she stopped to get her mocha cappuccino with double caffeine? Did I get to witness a little girl and her sisters play with all the stuff she got at the party the rest of the afternoon at high decibels of giggling delight? Did I get to listen to the little girls' high decibel distress when perceived toy stinginess was occurring? Did I get to get back in the car with Missy Linda for the three and a half to four hour drive home after all this? You can tell by the title to this that the answer is a resounding, "NO!"

Hey, wait, maybe the day I had sitting on the dining table in a nice quiet house was not so bad after all. What do you think? Maybe kids' parties are not my thing, after all.

The Stand-off

Groggy morning to everyone,
No, I haven't been drinking beer again. Unfortunately, the "Slumber Party" that Missy Linda and her friends have, had to be postponed to the first week of April this time. But, that means that they will have two parties that month. I don't get to be groggy for any fun reason this time. I couldn't sleep because Missy Linda and Button were having a big ol' argument half the night.

That precious little Button (right!) wanted to lie on the patio in her usual vantage point for surveying her world. The problem with that to Missy Linda was that she wanted to bark the whole time. Missy Linda would make Button come in the house, and then Button would start pestering Tio Kane to let her outside again. Tio Kane hates that! Missy Linda would make Button go into the bedroom with her, but wily dog that she is, Button would sneak out to annoy Tio Kane again. This went on and on and on and on. There is one thing about Shelties, though, in the end, one of the strongest urges they seem to have is to please their masters. That must be why Button would always come inside when Missy Linda got firm with her, but since Button is not dumb or easily persuaded to another's view point, she would immediately demand to go back outside. Poor Puck! He just tries to hide someplace and waits until it all blows over. FINALLY, it occurred to Missy Linda to shut the bedroom door after she and the dogs and the cats were all inside there. Duh! Why didn't she do that at the beginning? I don't know. The only explanation I have is that she is a human! You know how I feel about you all.

I'm beginning to feel that if it came down to my survival, I would choose Button over Missy Linda to figure out the best things to do to stay alive. Don't let Missy Linda know! Just picture my being heaved into that big ol' garbage truck with the giant squashing mechanism if you find yourself tempted to tattle. OK?

Pharmaceuticals

And a good morning to all,
Actually, I hope I have a good morning------Missy Linda was singing her Chug-a-lug coffee song this morning. I am hoping that just means she is tired, not that she is all EXHAUSTED like she thinks she is sometimes. EXHAUSTED means a lot of whining, crankiness, and needless complaining to me.

Anyway, she wanted me to ask you all, good citizens that you are, to be sure to vote for someone in the elections (which seem like they are ten years away) who will help provide her a way to get some health insurance. She says that she doesn't want anything frivolous, like having her veins zapped or having a face-lift. She just wants to be able to go to the doctor if she is ill. She wouldn't mind, she says, getting some help with her prescriptions, though. At around $500 per month, that is hard for her to pay for while going to school and working at the kind of job she does (whatever that is). See, what did I tell you--------whine, whine, whine! I have an idea-----maybe she could lose some weight, stop eating Smoked Grillers, and get more exercise, and she wouldn't need so much medicine! Anyway, enough about her. She is at least realistic enough to know that her beloved Button's medicine will always be her problem. You wouldn't believe it----that dog takes medicine three times a day! Ok! For real this time-----enough about her!

Now, I'm in such a tizzy I forgot what I was going to tell you all about. I'm am too annoyed with Missy Linda right now. I'll try to write more later.

Setting the Record Straight

Greetings,
How is the world on this fabulous spring day? Here in central Oklahoma, it is going to be about 75 degrees with hardly any wind (compared to the last few days). Tomorrow, it's supposed to be 80 degrees! To Missy Linda and Tio Kane, that is air-conditioner weather! They seem to have a low tolerance for heat. Now, I'm beginning to understand why I'm about to freeze a lot of the time!

I have heard Missy Linda laughing and talking about something that little dark haired girl said when she was here. Both of us actually heard her telling this to Tio Kane, so Missy Linda asked me to set the record straight before it goes any further. Keep in mind that this little girl is only two years old, so we were a little surprised that she said this. She told Tio Kane that Missy Linda had hit her mommy's car! Can you believe that? Actually, what Missy Linda hit was a trash can-------twice. But she wants it clearly understood that she did not hit another car, especially not the little girl's mommy's car. We are hoping that the little girl does not continue with this rumor or steps may have to be taken to stop it. Nothing harsh, of course, more like candy or toys for bribery purposes. I hope that we can assume that this rumor dies here, ok? I certainly do not want to sully Missy Linda's good name! (Actually, you know I want you to tell the most sordid version of this you can think of, to as many people as you can, don't you?)

Well, I had better run before Missy Linda needs the computer and comes in here and reads this. I would rather get yelled at later in the day, wouldn't you?

It Is Very Quiet Here

Greetings All,
Shhhhh. It is so quiet here, I feel that my thoughts are too loud and are echoing about. I didn't realize how much I had become accustomed to the noise of those little girls. It's not that there was a lot of screaming or anything, it's just that there was a constant din of various sounds. One of the most noticeable was the clop, clop, clop of those plastic high heels that little girls wear for dress-up. We definitely all (except Missy Linda) wear our most fabulous outfits most of the time around here. That is one of my favorite things about those girls. I wish that Missy Linda did not make them change into their "regular" clothes to go out.

All the Barbies and their friends are put away now, too. There is a whole huge container of dolls, including young women, guys, little girls, little boys, and a couple of babies. There are clothes galore for everyone, and one of the guys is a doctor, and he has all the equipment for that. There is food and furniture and shopping carts, and I don't even know what else. It is a good time for all of us to play with them.

Most of the food and dishes and pots and pans for the toy kitchen are put away, too. Missy Linda is still finding some of that around the house. The girls love to cook in the kitchen, and they especially enjoy playing grocery store with the play food. There is play money and a cash register for that. Sometimes we would play clothes shopping, too. That was my favorite.

I didn't know I would miss those little goofies so much. I'll be glad when they come back, or I get to visit them. I guess I had better go and try to make some kid noises to keep myself company.

Kids Eat Weird Stuff!

Hello,
I just have to say that I am glad that I don't have to eat to stay alive. If I had to eat what those kids eat, I would rather do without! This is the kind of thing that those little girls ate when they visited last week. Starfish with six legs-----I don't think so! I think they are very brave, though, to eat octopuses* that look so mean. I guess the shells and cheese are all right. I can't believe that adults think that this kind of food is entertaining to kids! Like I say nearly every day----I just don't understand you humans!

It certainly is quiet around here now. The little girls went home on Saturday. Don't tell Tio Kane, but when Missy Linda meets the girls' mom in Tulsa, she always gets a mocha cappuccino with double caffeine for the trip home. Tio Kane puts a limit on how much caffeine she is allowed to have if she is going to be around him. He thinks she talks too much when she is too wound up. Missy Linda took a nap yesterday, and she went to bed early last night. I think she is about rested for now. She had better be-----I have things I need for her to do. I know that we are invited to a birthday party on Saturday, and I need to go shopping for a gift. I hate not being able to go anyplace on my own! I am going to figure out a way to get around alone one of these days-----you just stay tuned.

*Yes, I looked up the plural of this word, and this is correct.

Birthday Parties Are Fun!

Hey guys,
I have a news flash-----Birthday Parties Are Fun! Yesterday we went over to that little curly haired girl's house, and we had a great time, even though there was no beer. All but that littlest of the five girls bounced around like little monkeys in this thing called a moon bounce. Boy, did that look fun! I had on my good dress, as usual, so that left me just watching the wild fun. Later, we went inside the house, and we all just played and played and played. Then we had pizza and cup cakes, and we sang a song to one of the little long-haired girls. She even got a present! She was really surprised that we were celebrating her birthday because she thought we were just going to play. Everyone (including me) was tired when we got home, and we all went to sleep pretty soon.

I am all rested this morning and ready for the day, though. I heard that a trip to the movies is planned. I have not been to a theater to see a movie. I just get to watch them at Missy Linda's house. I really hope that I get to go to the theater. It sounds like a lot of fun. I heard one of the little girls say that we would get to have a treat while we are there. Please, Missy Linda, please, let me go, too. Even though I don't have to eat, I still enjoy a good treat and good food when I get the chance. I'll let you know if I get to go.

Boy, Am I Exhausted!

Hi everybody,
I certainly am not very spunky today. I have been running around with Missy Linda and those little girls the last few days! I did not ride with her when she went to pick them up because the weather was such that I did not want to be her passenger. It was raining cats and dogs, and I just don't like to ride with her in the least bit of bad weather. You remember what happened to me when there was a little ice earlier in the year!

Yesterday we all went down to Missy Barb's house. There was me, Missy Linda, Missy Lesley and those five little girls. They rode horses and stuff like that, but I decided to wait until there were not so many people around. I have never ridden a horse before. When I do, I will definitely take a picture for you all to see, OK?

Well, I have to get going now. We are taking these girls over to visit someone else, and we are having pizza there tonight. I'll catch up with you all in a couple of days. If I haven't written anything by Sunday, please send someone to check on me. Those girls are going home on Saturday, so I should have a few minutes of free time by then. Talk to you later.

Happy St. Pat's Day

A glorious good morning to ya all,

How do I look in my beautiful St. Pat's Day outfit? I am as happy as a little Leprechaun with it! Don't I look as if I should be on America's Next Top Model? I could put that Tyra Banks in her place. All I need is a wind machine. (I suppose a fan would work for me, right?)

Now what else does one do on St. Patrick's Day besides wear green and romp in clover? All I have heard is that there is green beer to drink, corned beef and cabbage to eat, and sometimes parades. Is that all? That sounds good to me. I think I'll start with the green beer since I heard that the parade here was on Saturday. What kind of a trick is that? Why don't you people have your parades on the correct day? I still don't get you humans, and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will.

I heard that Missy Linda is actually from a town named Shamrock, Oklahoma. I saw an article in the newspaper about that town recently. They were getting ready for the Irish holiday. The article said that about 125 people live there, but Missy Linda said that about 250 people lived there when she grew up there. The lady in the article talked about how they had celebrations every year. I wonder what kind of green beer Missy Linda drank when she was a kid because she said that she doesn't remember any celebrations for St. Patrick's Day. I just always listen and nod when she is talking to me about stuff that doesn't make sense to me. It seems like the safest way to go with her, don't you think?

I am a little sad today because those little girls who were coming to visit today are not coming until tomorrow. As long as they are coming, I guess it is all right though. Like I said, they do love me. I hope I get to ride along when Missy Linda goes to meet their mother in Tulsa to bring them here. They watch movies (frequently about princesses) in the car on the way here, and they have snacks and drinks and books to read. Doesn't that sound fabulous?

Now She Knows

'Morning,
How are you all today? I had noticed that Missy Linda was a little quiet and sad this week, but I didn't know what the deal was. I guess from what I heard her say, that she didn't really know either. She just felt sad and down, but she couldn't come up with a reason. All of a sudden when she got up this morning, her brain kicked in, I suppose. I heard her say that earlier this week was the anniversary of the day that the Mister had moved out. Even though she doesn't feel better yet, she is glad that she can pinpoint a trigger for her sadness. I hope she feels better soon. She's a drag like this! She also realizes the whole episode was for the best; it's just sad to tear up a family. Usually she is all right with the Mister's being gone; she's just had a lot on her plate. She'll be fine!

Missy Linda did ask me to say, "Thanks, Missy Barb, for the very big dinner last evening." What dinner? I don't believe that I was invited to this dinner. Why should I be thanking Missy Barb for Missy Linda? OK, I'll let it slide this one time. Next time, if I'm not invited, I don't do any favors!

Well, I've got to run. Here comes Missy Linda, and she will want the computer. She is all cranky because she has been outside in the cold wind in her jammies fixing the gate so the dogs cannot run away. Does that tell you anything? At least she says she stayed on the inside of the fence where no one else could see her. Please, Lord, let that be true.

That Old Man Had Better Be Careful!

Morning all,

Oh, my goodness! You should see Missy Linda this morning! She is having a fit. The old man squirrel is out there on the bird feeder, and he will not budge! She has hit the actual feeder on which he is sitting four or five times with ice cubes. He hardly even flinched! She is fit to be tied! He had better watch out. If she goes over the edge, there are some bricks lying out on the patio. I wouldn't want to witness what might happen then. She might be kind of fat, but she is very strong, and I know she could throw a brick quite hard. Please, Mr. Squirrel, please, don't send Missy Linda into that vast abyss today. The little girls who think I'm beautiful might not get to come next week.

On another subject----What is this St. Patrick's Day that you people celebrate on Monday? Do I have to be a certain religion to drink green beer? Do I get to throw a party? I will say it again-----You humans celebrate some strange holidays! I am a little worried about the green beer part of it after what happened at the last slumber party with those crazy women. I had fun for awhile, but it took me some time to recover, if you will recall. I guess I'll just wait and see. When you have no feet and you are made of Styrofoam, plastic and only some Chinese workers probably know what else, that's all you can do!

If Missy Linda goes bananas, you will probably see it on the news tonight, since there is a kind of lull in the primaries. Let's all just lie low and pray for the best, OK?

Dear Ashley F., I am working on Missy Linda every day. I think Albuquerque would be my kind of town!

Too Few Computers

Hi guys,
If you are here in central Oklahoma, have you enjoyed the fabulous spring weather we have had the last few days? It has been really great----not even windy (at least not what we call windy). I thought Missy Linda would get outside and rake up the yard and get started on the spring yard work, but she did not do that. Our front yard has little sticks all over it from various wind storms and probably still from the ice storm that was in December. She doesn't go outside too much. She's always complaining about allergies. Oh, boo hoo! So she thinks her head will explode, and her eyes water and wash off all her make-up (You don't want to see that!). We all have our little problems, don't we?

Speaking of problems, as you can see from the title of this entry, my problem is that we have too few computers around here. I can never get a turn to get my work done. Tio Kane's lap top died a while back, and he and Missy Linda and I now have to share one computer. Let me just say, as usual, that I am the one who has to wait for the last turn. Missy Linda is always saying, "I have to write a story for class." Or, "I have to write a poem for class, and then I have to print out copies." I think that she is just saying that stuff to extend her time on the computer. She is just her usual selfish self. Sometimes she is just looking at sites with funny cats or junk like that.

If I miss a day writing, you will know that Missy Linda won't give me a turn. If I miss several days in a row, please, send someone over to check on me. You never know when Missy Linda might go over the edge! Her obsession with squirrels might turn to an obsession with Styrofoam based tortilla keeper people-----or what if she used me, with my base filled with treats, as bait for the giant raccoon or the possums or even the bobcat? Missy Linda says I'm the weird one. What do you think? I think my problem IS Missy Linda!

Were You Worried?

Morning Peeps,
Were you worried about me since it's been so long since I wrote? Did you think some squirrel drove Missy Linda over the edge, and she threw me in the trash to be crushed by the giant garbage truck?Or did you think that perhaps she just let her lazy streak take over, and she just let us all ( Andrew, Mushu, Button and Puck-----I don't actually have to have food.) starve to death? Or did you think that I have become so famous that some devious criminals kidnapped me and were holding me for ransom, and Missy Linda wasn't allowed to tell anyone or they would kill me? (I like the last one.) None of those are what happened. There's never anything that exciting around here. Missy Linda just got too busy to help me turn on the computer. I write my own blog, but I cannot reach the button to turn on the computer, and I have a big problem with using the mouse alone. Remember, I am not very big.

One thing that kept Missy Linda tied up was that those five little girls were here on Saturday. You know-----the one with the curly golden hair, the two with long hair, one with dark hair, and one with hardly any hair, and all with blue eyes. I just don't get the blue eyes. I think brown eyes like mine are prettier. There were a bunch of adults, too. Some of them went to a wedding that evening, and some of them went home, but it was hectic for awhile. I heard Missy Linda saying that three of them would be back for a long visit next week. That really means all of them will be here a lot of the time. They keep Missy Linda busy, but, I will say, they do love me. Maybe it won't be so bad, and maybe I will get to go places with them. I hope so.

Dear Anonymous,
Yes, you may call me JT. Perhaps it is better for Missy Linda to keep occupied with squirrels rather than bigger game. We want to help her stay out of real trouble, don't we?

Missy Linda Declares War!

Good possibly snowy day,
How are you guys doing today? It's supposed to snow here today. We haven't had a good snow all winter, and it looks as if we won't today, either. At first they were saying four inches here, maybe. Now it is down to under an inch, and that probably won't stick. Missy Linda wants just one good snow for the winter. Don't ask me why; I don't have a clue.

Now for the subject at hand---Missy Linda and some squirrel are having some kind of a problem. I heard Missy Linda say that she is declaring all out war against this squirrel, and maybe a giant raccoon. (We will talk about the giant raccoon later.) She always says that she doesn't care what the squirrels, possums and raccoons eat off the ground under the bird feeders. But she goes ballistic when the squirrels climb up and eat out of the feeder. One would assume that she would just buy those feeders that keep the squirrels from eating out of them, but that would make too much sense for Missy Linda. She says that is no fun! She would rather throw ice cubes at the squirrels when she catches them up on the feeders. (Again, I worry about Missy Linda.) She doesn't actually hit the squirrels----I am not sure she could if she wanted. She just makes the cubes whiz close by the varmints or hit the actual feeder. She says it keeps her pitching arm in shape----like the Boston Red Socks have her on speed dial!

Anyway, there is one old man squirrel who doesn't fall for Missy Linda's tricks. He just sits there and ignores the cubes whizzing close by his head. He doesn't even flinch when the feeder is actually hit! He will finally run away if Missy Linda walks out there and actually gets really close to him. After he runs away, he sits on the fence and flips his tail around and chatters at her to taunt her. She does not think that is amusing! I am worried that Missy Linda might be trying to figure out a way to teach Mr. Squirrel a lesson. She hates sassy rodents so much!

I just hope Missy Linda remembers her rule #5-----Don't do anything stupid enough to get on the evening news!

The World Will Stop

A beautiful sunny good morning,
In case you all are not aware, the fourth season finale of Project Runway is tomorrow evening at 9:00pm CST. Missy Linda is all atwitter about this. Her world will come to a grinding halt to watch this, no matter what she is doing. I think this must be her favorite show. She will also record it and watch it again. Then she will watch it again when it is rerun. That's a good thing about the BRAVO network; they run each show about twenty times. When it is between seasons, she just loses some of her zest. I don't know why she is so enamored of this show. I don't see her sketching or designing clothes, and I certainly don't see her wearing anything that looks like a designer made it. I have heard her say that she used to make prom dresses and bridesmaids' dresses and a couple of wedding dresses plus lots of costumes for theatrical productions so maybe she is a designer at heart who has failed. Whatever----enough about her.

Do you know that Missy Linda did not even take a picture of me at the basketball game? Now, what am I going to put in my scrapbook for that event? It's not like there's an article in the newspaper about my being there (but there should be). Sometimes she is just lazy or selfish or something that doesn't help me at all! It's not like she was missing Project Runway last Sunday afternoon!

Hey, you guys out there! I don't see any comments coming my way. Let me know how mean you think that Missy Linda is to me. I don't have many friends who are human; I could use some support. Help me put Missy Linda in her place!

Yea! I Got To Go

Good morning,
I got to go to the basketball game with Missy Linda on Sunday afternoon! The thing that I learned above all other things, is that if you put a few thousand humans, a band, some dancers, some cheerleaders and an announcer with a good PA system inside a building, it will give you a giant-sized headache-----even if you are a Styrofoam based tortilla keeper person. Oh, my goodness! Those people can yell and scream. I understand that our team lost the game, so I wonder if people are louder then or if you are winning the game. If it's louder when you are winning, I will just stay home that day.

I will have to admit that it is exciting, though. I wish that I had feet so that I could play that game and have everyone cheering for me the way they cheered for those girls. Missy Linda says that I am too short to play. Maybe Missy Linda should not go around crushing dreams that way. Just because she was not very good at playing basketball when she was in school, doesn't mean she has to step on my hopes. A Styrofoam based tortilla keeper person has dreams, too.

Still Recovering

Groggy good day to all,
I think that Missy Linda and I are still recovering from a very sleep deprived week. She stays upstairs in that room almost all night a lot of times, and then complains about having a no-sleep headache. I don't know why she doesn't just go to bed! I still have a lot to learn about you humans. One way I can tell about Missy Linda's being tired, is that when she especially needs her coffee that morning, and it tastes extra great, she sings a little song:
Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug,
Makes you want to holler hidey-up.
Burns your tummy, don't ya know?
Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug.
She says that the song is really about moonshine, (again, whatever that is) but that for her it fits with her feeling about her coffee. I wish she would just stop singing of any kind!

I did hear Missy Linda talking on the phone, and I think that she is going to another women's basketball game tomorrow. I hope that I get to go this time. If I could somehow get to stand right by the front door, she could see me as she leaves. I think I'll work on some way to transport myself at least just a little way. I'll bet there would be some heads exploding around here if I could start doing that, don't you?

Well, I think I had better go take a nap now. I think I might still be recovering from that giant beer.