All Rested Up?

Hey there most humans and many others,

Are you just about recovered from the Christmas weekend? I think that Missy Linda got pretty much recovered on Christmas day. Of course, she would say that was all erased the next day when she had to go back to work. Evidently, they were very short-staffed, and Missy Linda came home pretty exhausted. She was also yammering on about how the two people who were there for work were sucking out her sanity by their behavior. One kept hiding in the back of the store and taking breaks she wasn't allowed to take. The other spent the whole day complaining about the first worker. Missy Linda was really cranky by the time she got home!

I am afraid that she is going to be cranky like that again soon. This weekend she has to be at work at 7:00 am for a big sale the store is having. The next day, she has to be there at 6:00 am for inventory. The store will open at noon, and then the regular hours of the job will start. She says she wouldn't mind if she actually made some extra money. Some companies actually pay extra per hour for working more than regular hours. Missy Linda wants one of those jobs!

Christmas is for Napping

Seasons' Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, my goodness! Here it is after Christmas, and I did not realize that so much time had passed! It seems like a couple of days since I talked with you all. I have been so booked up with galas, charity balls, and holiday parties that I just lost track of time. (Yeah, that's the ticket.)

Those of us who do our main Christmas celebrating on Christmas Eve have the actual day free that most people are cooking and trying to find enough garbage bags for all the trash. Missy Linda took some antihistamine (for allergies) and proceeded to take a long nap. I'm guessing that she enjoyed her Christmas day.

Mr. Nelson enjoyed his Christmas celebration playing with Missy Ryley and Missy Emma- - -that is, after the pre-festivity brushing, bathing, and nail cutting! He did fall asleep behind the couch a couple of times, but it was a late evening for him. He didn't even hate the ride home. He sat in the child car seat that Missy Linda keeps in her car for Missy Emma and Missy Amelia. He looked out the windows and smiled a lot!

Accident Prone

Greetings most humans and many others,

How are you all doing in the Christmas rush? I suppose that I am doing great, partly because I don't really have to do any work for holidays. Of course, around here, there's not going to be any parties or anything fun. All the fun will be other places, I suppose. I'm hoping I get to go to some fun happenings, but I never know for sure until I either am picked up from my perch or left sitting there all alone- - -mostly the latter is my lot in life!

On to more entertaining (?) subjects- - -I am beginning to wonder if Missy Linda shouldn't try to find a less dangerous job. And on the flip side, she should probably not be allowed to do certain things at home, either. I think she is getting what you humans call, "senile." Right now, her hands look like (well, I don't really know what to say they look like.) They kind of look a mess for sure. Her left hand has one crooked finger from last spring when she tripped and jammed it at work. Her pointer on that hand has the fingerprint area missing due to a hot glue gun accident. Supposedly, these are common accidents among the glue gun crowd, especially if one hasn't used one for awhile. Really?

The middle finger on her right hand is the ugliest purple color I have seen lately. It seems that she shut the big back door at the store while her finger was in the way. I can't help but wonder if she is trying to assume Mr. Nick's place in the family as most accident-prone member. At least hers are not bad enough to require trips to the emergency room. That's when the line will be crossed! There will have to be an intervention!

Being Specific

Hello most humans and many others,

I thought that I had heard about the goofiest things that Missy Linda has said have happened at work. I now think that the sky is the limit regarding the stupid things that she will do.

On Sunday, usually a busy day at the store, Missy Linda re-pierced her coworker's ears. It seems that they had been pierced, but had grown closed. The other employee had those sharp earrings that they shoot from a gun in the shops, so it wasn't that bad, Missy Linda maintains. The craziest thing is that for some unknown reason, they performed this little ritual up at the front counter rather than in the break room or someplace discreet.

I agree with Tio Kane, who said, "Just because something is not specifically prohibited in the employees' manual, doesn't mean you are supposed to do it."

Accidental Naps?

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, it has beencold here for the last couple of days. I hope Missy Linda and many of you humans are happy. Personally, I must be from a warmer climate originally, because I'm definately a lover of weather that is a little warmer. Of course, I don't actually get out that much, so it doesn't affect me that much. I do enjoy complaining about things,though. Or so Missy Linda would tell you.

I don't know if it is the cold weather or what, but yesterday afternoon, Missy Linda slept on the couch for about three hours. She says it was an accident! She says she didn't mean to sleep but for about twenty minutes. She has been whining lately about the holiday hours at the store. She says the longer holiday hours on the weekends make her feel really wiped out.

Poor Missy Linda! I know for a fact that one new college girl has been hired, and only two people quit last week. That just leaves them one person shorter than they were before. I have trouble feeling sorry for her. Earlier, all she wanted was a job, and that's all I heard about. Now, it's that she wants more pay, benefits,and more people to help her. I wish she would make up her mind!

Allergies Gone?

Hello most humans and many others,

Are all your allergies gone since the good freeze we had? I don't know much about any of that, but I know that I heard a great deal about when the first hard freeze comes, the effects of the allergies would lessen. I began to think it was the chorus of a popular song, I heard it so much!

Well, I don't see any difference in the humans and the domesticated animals who I know. Missy Linda's face is still kind of puffy looking, and her eyes are still red and teary. She goes around sniffling and snuffing, making disgusting noises. Really humans, are those snorting and choking noises really necessary? Do you even realize how they affect us non-humans?

I would like to respectfully suggest that you allergy sufferers try harder to keep it to yourselves. Just because antihistamines make you sleepy, doesn't mean they are bad. As a matter of fact, I count that as one of the benefits I enjoy the most- - -all of you people sleeping! At least then, you usually make fewer disgusting noises! (After you conquer phlegm produced noises, we will discuss snoring, OK?)

Quiet Holiday

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, how was your Thanksgiving weekend? We had a very quiet one around here. I was all ready to see people and be the center of attention. Again, my plans were thwarted by Missy Linda.

She was all back-achy and worn to a frazzle, she said. So, I want to know what's different about that? She is not the only person involved in the Thanksgiving celebrations! But, as usual, what Missy Linda is going through is all that counts in this house.

OK. I'll stop complaining about Missy Linda- - -for this moment. I'll just put it behind me and look forward to all the Christmas hoopla to come!

Worried About Me?

Hello most humans and many others,

I have noticed since I have come back from my unexplained absence that Missy Linda looks a lot older than I remember. I was wondering if she had aged because of worrying about what might have happened to me or where I could have been.

Then, of course, I snapped back to reality! I realized that Missy Linda didn't seem that concerned about my well-being. I was back awhile before she even noticed! And do you realize how long I was gone before she took note? It is shameful, as far as I am concerned. After all, she took on the responsibility of keeping me safe, taking care of me, making and/or buying me lots of beautiful clothes, and just generally doing everything required for my good life!

I don't know what I was thinking! I must quell my misdirected emotions and realize that Missy Linda just has a really bad case of, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. I am my mother, after all."

Hello, My Friends, Hello

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I understand it took Missy Linda a while to even notice that I was not in my usual place recently. I could have predicted that. I will tell you all about my adventure at an opportune time, but right now I just want all of you to realize that I have told you the truth about how Missy Linda does not pay any attention to me.

Do you realize how long I was gone before she even had a flicker of an idea that I wasn't in my usual spot? All she thinks about is herself, as usual. I wonder if she would have noticed if blood had been dripping- - -that is, if I had blood!

At any rate, I am in the process of listening and watching to gather info as to her thought processes as far as they involve me. I think that I need to get into that hive of a brain that is hers for my own well-being. I will keep you advised.

What's Going On Here?

Hello friends of Juana,

This will probably be my last post on behalf of Juana, but maybe not for the reason you might imagine. I am not giving up or pouting or anything like that.

When I got up this morning, there she was---in her usual spot! Just sitting (standing?) there. Hair perfectly coiffed, make-up with not a smudge, dress with not a rose or ruffle damaged, but also not saying a word.

Somebody has got some explaining to do!

Long Weekend

Hello friends of Juana,

Well, it was a long weekend, both literally and figuratively, for me. I still haven't seen or heard from Juana, though. I don't have any extra time on weekends to try to track her down because I work longer hours than I do during the week. I'm pretty sure that when Juana gets back, she will say that I am just making excuses!

I am wondering if she convinced someone to aid her in running away, or maybe she fell from her perch and Nelson carried her away, or perhaps she found a hiding place here in the house and wanted to "teach me a lesson." If she is just trying to jerk my chain, I will teach her the lesson for sure!

Let me know if you hear anything.

Weird News

Hello friends of Juana,

I received an anonymous tip that Juana might have been seen in Garvin County this week. I tend to feel this is a mistake, or maybe, it's a prank. Whichever it is, I am not going to completely disregard it. However, until I hear more about it, I will be cautious. I have watched enough detective shows on TV to be careful.

By the way, don't bother to try any fake pleas for a ransom - - -I didn't just fall off the turnip truck! I fell off a long time ago.

Haven't Heard

Hello friends of Juana,

Well, I haven 't heard from anyone who says that she or he has seen Juana. I am guessing that it is probably time for me to start some kind of effort to find her.

It's hard to know where to start - - - how far could she go? Obviously, further than I would have thought she could.

Again, I ask that if you know anything, please let me know.

Something is Terribly Wrong!

Hello friends of Juana Tortilla,

This is not Juana writing. This is Missy Linda. It has been brought to my attention that Juana has not been writing to you. I don't pay too much attention to what all she does because that would take up my whole day listening to her complaints. I suppose that is why I was unaware of her absence.

Anyway, I realize now that I haven't seen her sitting around here lately. Right off hand, I don't recall the last time I saw her. I did discover that her email had been canceled because of inactivity. I have reactivated that so I will be able to intercept any contacts to her for any clues that might provide as to her whereabouts.

At this point, I am not alarmed, but if any of you have seen her, please let me know. OK?

Here We Go Again!

Hello most humans and many others,

Oh my goodness! She is starting up again with the moping around and the sad crap! At least she is not bawling this time around- - -so far.

Tomorrow is the day that the Harkey family will leave Fayetteville and head out for Ft. Collins, CO, for real. The closing on the house is then, and after that, the journey will begin. They will stay with friends in Kansas on the way and will bunk with friends in Ft. Collins until their truck arrives on Wednesday with their stuff. (I personally haven't heard of too many times when a moving truck arrives on time, but that is another story.)

Even though Missy Linda is not where she can see them packing, or putting their belongings in the truck, or locking up the empty house where they have lived for nearly ten years, she says that she can feel all that. She knows that they are very happy and excited so she keeps it to herself, except she will probably discover that I am telling you all.

Just yesterday, Missy Linda was thinking out loud about some pillows that the girls have that are stuffed too tightly, and therefore, are not soft enough. She started to write an email to Missy Elise saying to bring them the next time they come, and Missy Linda could fix them in just a few minutes. Then, she realized situations like that are not foreseeable any more. Who knows when they will be here again? How much can they bring with them that far? It is a sad time around here.

I will miss them, too. Missy Amelia, especially, loves me a great deal.

The Bawling is Decreasing

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, let me tell you: I have had a terrible week since I was last able to make contact with the outside world!

The first part of the week was good. Missy Maitlyn, Missy Elspeth, and Missy Amelia were here as scheduled while their parents went to find a house.

After Missy Linda met Missy Shirley (their Nana) in Shawnee to hand off the girls for a visit with her, the happy factor around here plummeted, to say the least. I wasn't sure that Missy Linda would be able to get herself together to get to work at 3:00 that afternoon, but she managed. (She does wear waterproof eye make-up.)

The air around here is definitely heavy. What is not ragweed pollen is Missy Linda's despondency. Please send help before I am engulfed completely!

Last Visit for Awhile

Hello most humans and many others,

I actually wrote to you all yesterday, but Missy Linda did something that caused it to go someplace other than where it was supposed to go. Obviously, she didn't figure out how to get it fixed or I wouldn't have to explain all this.

But anyway, Missy Maitlyn, Missy Elspeth, and Missy Amelia arrived here last night for their last visit for awhile. When they move to Colorado, it will definitely be a long time before they come back down here. They will be moving sooner than expected because the closing on their old house has been changed to October 1.

Missy Linda was able to get off work, but she still has to go to class while they are here. Of course, she is annoyed that papers are due, so she must be there. I think that she will probably live, don't you?

Batten Down the Hatches

Hello there most humans and many others,

Well, I know that I am going to quietly ponder the kind of day Missy Linda is having at work since she mentioned that her boss told her last night to get some rest because she would be having a terrible day today at work. It so happens that a transformer blew in some of their computer equipment at the store sometime night before last. Well, yesterday was a huge sale day, and it was kind of a nightmare according to Missy Linda.

The registers are able to do some of their normal jobs, but they can't approve credit cards or process debit cards at all. When is the last time you saw a cashier make a phone call to get a credit card approval? Missy Linda says it has been a while.

Today, it is expected that Missy Linda will be on the phone with the help line for the computer. If you know how much she knows about things like that, you can join me in some spontaneous chuckling throughout the day! Fun, huh?

I think that the time that you will probably need to batten down your hatches is around 3:00 pm. That is when Missy Linda gets off work. I picture her letting out a primeval scream that might rattle windows in the whole central Oklahoma region!

The Dreaded News

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, yesterday Missy Linda got that phone call that she has been dreading for over a year. Missy Elise and Mr. Brett have sold their house, and that means that they will be moving to Ft. Collins, CO. They are ecstatic about all this, but Missy Linda is very sad.

Missy Linda is happy that they are doing what they want to do, but she knows she will not see them or the girls very often. Missy Amelia is only four years old, so she is very young for Missy Linda to not see often. Missy Linda has always felt that even if she didn't see them all the time, they were just a hop, skip, and a jump up the highway in Fayetteville. She could go over there and back in a day if she needed to do that.

She is just concerned that since she has to work at a job with irregular hours and days off, and since she is in school, she won't get to go to their house at all. And they will be limited on how many times they can come to Oklahoma to visit, just as anyone else would.

If Missy Linda can get off a couple of days next week, the girls will get to come over while their parents go house hunting. The closing is supposed to be on October 8, so that is not much time.

No Winners Here

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, here it is September 1. That means that Missy Linda did not win the Publishers' Clearing House Sweepstakes. They evidently gave away the prize yesterday. This time it was $5000.00 a week for life.

I'm not going to lie to you all: I had made plans in case that happened. If Missy Linda had won, I figure, I would have benefited greatly. If nothing else, surely, I would be provided a better perch where I would be spending my life, right?

The best case scenario would have been to be invited on trips and provided a glorious wardrobe for each occasion. I'm sure Missy Linda would have included me in all the benefits on which she squandered her newly obtained riches, don't you think?

It's the Hair Again!

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, first let me say that Missy Linda has been extremely remiss in turning on the computer for me lately! She thinks she is busy, but I see that she falls asleep on the couch and stuff like that. I don't call that busy!

Now, to the subject at hand: That Hair! She finally got that cut that is short enough, but is she satisfied? Not a chance! She says the shape is like Theodore Cleaver's hair, only shorter. I don't know who that is, but she does look like an aging eight year old boy! I think that it is all kind of sad.

I don't know much about beauty shops because, as you know, I have this long, luxurious, curly hair that pretty much fixes itself. However, I think if Missy Linda would go to an actual beauty salon, rather than those places that no one needs an appointment, she might have better luck. The places that she goes don't seem to have the same stylists, if one calls them that, for very long at a time. They seem to move around to all the different locations on some kind of unknown rotation schedule. She needs to pay more than twelve dollars, I think, to get a hair cut that doesn't make her look like Missy Ryley did it---although, Missy Ryley does seems to have a natural talent for cutting hair!

The Big Day

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, today is the first day of kindergarten for Missy Ryley. Big stuff for sure! She will be going to the same school that her dad, Missy Elise, and Tio Kane attended.

When Missy Linda was telling the "Car Key" girls about this last week, Missy Elspeth piped up, "Boy, that must be an old school!"

Where she works, Missy Linda is amazed at the number of people who had children in the classes of Missy Elise, Tio Kane, and Mr. Nick who come there to shop. She hasn't seen some of them for many years. It's like old home week.

One day Missy Linda heard one of the ladies who also works at the store say, "Does she know everyone in town?"

No, but she has lived here a long time, and her really old kids went to a really old school!

All Is Quiet on the Home Front

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, it has gotten eerily quiet around here. Yesterday Missy Linda took the Car Key girls (that's what Missy Emma calls the Harkey girls) to Tulsa to meet their parents. At least it wasn't so hot that day. Tulsa's heat and humidity can be worse than OKC's, according to Missy Linda.

Today it is back to the grind for Missy Linda. She is dreading going back to work. She says that her elbow and knee have felt so much better this week that she hates to get them irritated again. Also, I think she is not looking forward to all the drama that has been happening at work lately. She says that is very draining because both factions confide in her.

I think that she just hates that the girls had to leave. They did get to stay several days, though. Missy Linda is just always worried that their house in Fayetteville will sell, and that means they will be moving to northern Colorado at that time. She knows she won't see them much after that!

Well, I have to run (figure of speech, of course, since I have no legs.) Missy Linda will want to check her emails before she goes to work.

Not So Smart After All

Hello there most humans and many others,

Well, I have to tell you that I have been laughing so hard that I have hardly been able to breathe. Missy Linda thought she was so smart before she started out to go pick up Missy Maitlyn, Missy Elspeth, and Missy Amelia. Boy! Did she get her come uppance!

It seems that when a person puts coolant into the radiator, that person, who shall remain nameless, must be positive that the lid is back on correctly. If the lid is not fastened properly, then bad things can happen. One of those things is that the lid will fall off someplace, and anti-freeze will shoot out all over the place. It can even come out from under the hood and spray all over the windshield.

After a short time, there is not enough left to cool the engine, and the lever will go to HOT! almost immediately! It takes a while for someone to come to take a person to the auto parts store to purchase a new radiator cap and lots of coolant. However, it can be hard to tell when there has been enough coolant poured into the radiator because air bubbles can cause it to seem full when it is not.

When that happens, a certain person might find herself in a hot parking lot, about a mile from where she first broke down, waiting for the engine to cool down enough, while she goes to melting in a few seconds in the 100 degree heat. This person finally gets enough coolant into the car, and finally starts her trip. She is pretty melty and raggedy looking by then, though.

Since everyone got here safely, it is all right for us to have a good laugh at her expense, right?

Off She Goes

Hello most humans and many others,

Missy Linda is just now leaving to go to Tulsa (which is halfway to Fayetteville) to meet Missy Elise so that she can bring the girls here to visit. They frequently meet there so that neither will have to go the whole way.

The car is all gassed up, there is plenty of air in the tires, and new oil has been added. If there is one thing Missy Linda does not want to happen, it is to break down with a bunch of little girls in the car on such a hot day. She feels she has it pretty well covered.

Well. I guess I had better go take a nap while Missy Linda goes to pick up the girls. They always like to play with me, so I had better be prepared.

Restful Time Off?

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, Missy Linda decided that she should take a few days off work so that she could have the girls from Fayetteville come to visit. She is actually taking a whole week to rest and have fun with them. I am sure she will not get any real rest, but she says it will at least be doing things that are a whole lot different than working at the fabric store.

I hesitate to completely condone what she is doing because it is not like her job gives paid vacations. On the other hand, she probably needs a break from that place as she was beginning to look a little haggard. She used to enjoy working there because there was no real drama. My, how things have changed! There seems to be a couple of different camps who each want to confide in Missy Linda. She doesn't want to get involved, but just being there is somewhat involving.

Well, I hope she has a good rest and recreation time, even though I won't get to buy any new dresses!

Everybody Run!

Hello most humans and many others,

I used the title, "Everybody Run," because there is a song called, "Everybody Run, The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun." Missy Linda thinks that song and the video for it are funny.

Oh my!! When Missy Linda came home last night, she was as mad as a wet hen! (whatever that is) It seems that yesterday at work, there was a new security policy that each person must read about and indicate that she has read it. It is not hard to know when each person has read it, Missy Linda said, because, to a person, everyone is furious!

Mostly, the new measures are just insulting to the honesty and comradery of the group. The new measures include searching each person's purse, lunch, drinks, and anything else they bring to or take from the store. No one can have her own lock on a locker. Company locks must be used. There are other things, but those give an idea.

Missy Linda feels that if she had been hired while these measures were in place, that would be one matter, but it feels demeaning to have this suddenly be required. She says that she understands that big department stores and other businesses do this, but there are fewer than twenty people working at her fabric store, and no one has given any signs that she is dishonest.

One indication that the workers are honest at this store is that the "shrink" (the unexplained losses that just seem to happen in business) is below the percentage that the corporation has as its goal. Anyway, she says it just feels crappy to work hard for so little pay (with fewer people as time passes,) and then to suddenly feel mistrusted for no reason.

Missy Linda says that if the corporation wants the loyalty of the workers, then it must give them reasons to want to be loyal. It just seems, she feels, that more and more lately, the company is causing dissension and unease.

I say, "Please, Corporation, don't make my life more miserable by making Missy Linda upset!"

Working Hours

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, Missy Linda is going to be cranky this week! I can tell you that for a fact. There are four people who aren't going to be at work this week, and that is bad news for someone who wants a somewhat regular schedule. Not that Missy Linda ever gets a schedule that stays the same for more than a couple of weeks, but still, she says she would like that.

She is really annoyed about this week, though, because she has only one day off, and she goes to work at a different time every day! I actually thought that would be impossible, but I looked at her schedule that she writes on the calendar on the fridge, and it is actually true. That means I am going to have a really long week, as well. If Missy Linda is cranky, we all must pay a price- - -some of us, more than others!

Crime Wave

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, it seems that a crime wave has hit the fabric store in which Missy Linda works. It seems to span across the metro area, as well. The other day there were emails from other stores in the area warning of the problem because each of them had also been hit.

Sadly, it was already too late for Missy Linda's store to take precautions as they, too, had been pillaged! The problem seems very strange to me, but then I don't get out much, as you may recall. The loot that is being pilfered is pearl cotton. For those of you who may not know, that is a decorative thread, heavier than embroidery thread, used mostly for decorative hand stitching, such as a blanket stitch on the edge of something. It is definitely less than $2 a skein.

The culprits are thought to be young teens because there are bracelets that are made with this thread which are very popular right now. I suppose these are the older age group's Silly Bands*. Missy Linda was trying to picture some use that would bring criminals enough money to make it worthwhile to roam around a city and pull off these heists in broad daylight! All the stores except the one where Missy Linda works close at 8:00pm, so right now, that is almost as light as noon.

Even though she ran many possibilities through her brain as to what other reason this thread could be so popular (some application as drug paraphernalia or some unknown black market operation with purposes so far unknown in this part of the world,) it probably is just the bracelets. That does not make a very exciting story! Phooey!!!

*Rubber bands, shaped like almost anything you can imagine, which are worn around the wrist and traded with friends.

Party Not Eligible

Hello most humans and many others,

I heard on the news that today is the primary election in Oklahoma. I am guessing my party is not eligible for inclusion on the ballot. There are not enough Tortilla Keeper People in Oklahoma to sign a petition to be included. And I can tell you that I haven't heard one candidate from the main parties mention anything about Tortilla Keeper People's rights. Sometimes it can suck to be a part of such a small minority!

I guess one good thing is that it keeps my enemies, whoever they might be, from attacking me in the press or from doing me harm. I heard about one guy who is running for judge whose daughter took out full-page ads against him. And she lives in Colorado! Evidently, her husband is working for his opponent. I love it!

If you have lived or live in Oklahoma, you are probably familiar with the Edmondson family. They have been a part of politics here for at least since the mid-to-late fifties. Well, I saw a show on one of the Discovery channels about the niece of Drew Edmondson last week. It was an oldish story about his niece's involvement in murder and attempted murder in Lousiana. I believe that was the state in which it happened. She is now in prison for a long time, and her father, Drew Edmondson's brother was a judge. Maybe he still is: I don't know.

Missy Linda says that one crazy teenager in the family shouldn't be held against the rest of the family. I'll bet lots of people would hold something like that against anyone with the same last name! I do have to wonder why they happen to have rerun the story last week right before the election. Ratings for them or setup?

Progress?

Hello there most humans and many others,

I have to report to you all that there may have been a bit of progress in the relationship between Mr. Mushu and Mr. Nelson. It was kind of eerie to witness what happened yesterday.

In the early evening, Missy Linda's friends Mr. Cole and Mr. Chase came by to mow the yard (as is their job.) When Missy Linda had a home day care, they were some of her daytime kids. They are about grown now, though.

Anyway, Mr. Chase wanted to see how big Mr. Mushu had become because Mr. Cole had seen him a couple of weeks ago, and he couldn't believe what he saw! They were both youngsters when Mr. Mushu came to live here, and Mr. Chase even named him.

Missy Linda lugged Mr. Mushu outside to see the guys, and Mr. Nelson was right there. I mean he was right there! Like right at Missy Linda's feet! And he did not even bark at Mr. Mushu one time! It was kind of a miracle!

This morning he did bark at Mr. Mushu once, though. Don't worry; the gate is still in place to divide the house in half to keep them apart. We don't want any bloodshed!

I Think I Will Pout Some More

Hello most humans and many others,

I have decided that I have needed more pouting time than originally anticipated. I have done nothing fun in so long, I feel that, perhaps, my pouting has just begun.

Missy Linda tells me, "Just put on your big girl panties, and deal with it!"

I don't have a clue as to what that might mean. I don't even know what panties are!

It has occurred to me that the longer I live with Missy Linda, the more confused I become about you humans. I am just wondering if she is at all like you other humans. Did I get unlucky enough to get stuck with a weirdo or something? Are the rest of you people anything like her? I hope not!

If all of you people are similar to her, there is no reason to try to find a new home. However, if she is some sort of anomaly, then, can I count on you all to help get me out of here?

4th Weekend

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, as promised, I will tell you what all went on here the 4th of July weekend in which I did not get to participate. Missy Linda had a plethora of excuses when I confronted her about why I spent the weekend on the kitchen counter.

It seems that on Saturday, she had to work from 8:00am to 4:00pm. Oooh! A full day's work! Anyway, she had to rush home, change clothes, put the clean sheets on the guest beds, and head out to Missy Barb's house, where all the little girls and their families were gathered, plus Pseudo Uncle, Missy Carol and Mr. Fred. Evidently, she was in too much of a hurry to remember to grab me.

I heard that everyone had a fabulous time. Pseudo Uncle smoked some delicious meat for the occasion, and there was birthday cake and ice cream for Mr. Fred's birthday, which was
July 5th. There were some fireworks for the little girls- - -nothing big. Everyone fed the horses some delicious carrots, and there were squeals of delight filling the evening air.

The next day, all the people who lived in Edmond got together at Missy Lesley and Mr. Nick's house. All five girls played and played, and everyone had a lovely lunch. Missy Linda, Missy Elise, Mr. Brett, Missy Maitlyn, Missy Elspeth, and Missy Amelia went to dinner at a favorite spot in Edmond, Pei Wei. Then they all went out to the City of Edmond's fireworks display.

"It was really spectacular!" they all agreed. Mr. Brett pointed out that it was one of the top ten displays in the US. It was cool for July that evening, and they got a great spot to observe the festivities. Yippee!

Well, other than the fact that no one was even around long enough for the girls to play with me, that is about all I heard about the wonderfully fun weekend. They told me it was fabulous!

Finished Pouting

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I guess I am finished pouting about not getting to go anyplace for the 4th of July weekend. Missy Linda said that is what I have been doing since I wouldn't talk to anyone. I would also like to point out that I did not get to go to Missy Emma's birthday party this past weekend, either.

I can understand that a little bit- - -but not really. It was sort of a last minute thing. Missy Linda was notified the day before, and she was exhausted from working with too few employees at the store. Also, while she was getting ready to go to the party, Mr. Cole and his employee came by to mow the yard. Well, they each had a tiny kitten which they had adopted at the WalMart parking lot. They needed Missy Linda to babysit the kittens while they mowed so the babies would not have to stay in the hot truck. Of course, Missy Linda was happy to do that. I have to admit that they were pretty cute kitties. (Mr. Cole is going to be in trouble when his mother gets home from out of town. She does not like cats!)

Since I have expended so much energy being angry and annoyed lately, I will have to postpone telling you about the 4th of July weekend until tomorrow. I am exhausted.

At Last!

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, finally, there are plans to do some things this weekend. Tomorrow after Missy Linda gets off work, we are going down to Missy Barb's house for a cook-out. By the time we get there, everyone else will already have arrived. There will be the three little girls from Fayetteville and their parents and the two little girls from Edmond and their parents. Pseudo Uncle will be there smoking the ribs, but I don't know if Missy Carol and Mr. Fred are coming. I hope so.

I have figured out that if I can get scooted close to the edge of the counter, I can manage to "fall off" and roll in a direction that is toward the front door. Perhaps then, I will be noticeable enough to be grabbed up and taken to the party. Do you think that would work? I am going to try something!

Mr. Nelson Discovers Bunnies

Hello most humans and many others,

This morning, for the second time, Mr. Nelson discovered a bunny in the front yard. Missy Linda lets him out front when she can keep an eye on him. He and that bunny can run fast! I hadn't seen many bunnies around since the bobcat started hanging around out back.

The next door neighbors have a pretty large vegetable garden this year, and that may be what has lured them back. Also, they seem to be staying away from our back area. Missy Linda also said that she saw a humane trap in the yard next door, possibly for just such rascals who love vegetables.

As long as Mr. Nelson is a little slower than the bunny, we will enjoy their antics.

Signs It Might Be a Long Day

Hello most humans and many others,

Missy Linda is already expecting a long day. She mentioned that when she awakens and the windows in her bedroom are so covered with condensation that she can't see out, that's a huge sign that it is too humid!

When she is required to be at work early to get the rules for the exercise for everyone to learn how to give good customer service with the fewest clerks possible, she is not happy. They expect everyone to be all gung-ho about working harder for the same pay? She doesn't understand that.

Then when she remembers that she must stop for gas before she can even make it as far as the store, she starts to feel annoyed with herself for not filling up on her way home the last time. Maybe next time.

I hope your day is better than hers is going to be. I mean that sincerely.

Advice About Hair

Hello most humans and many others,

I deeply feel a need to speak frankly to some of you humans out there about your hairstyles. Actually, perhaps I don't mean hairstyles so much as your inattention to your hair's potential style. You probably do not realize who you are, but I can tell you that Missy Linda is at the top of my list.

If you are a human with short hair, especially if it is fine textured, you must not let your mind wander when you are using a hair dryer. Just a couple of seconds in one place can leave a rooster tail that cannot be totally disguised until your hair is washed again. I have noticed recently that Missy Linda seems to have this problem. I can see the places where she has tried to glue down a section of hair with hairspray or some such product, but it never works completely.

People, all you have to do is to pay attention when you are drying your hair. If your hair is short, how long does that take? About a minute or two? Can you really afford to go out into the world with random shocks of hair sticking out? Well, I say, not unless you dye some of them blue or green and go with the total look. But, I believe many of you would not be allowed to go to work that way, so your best option is to be totally present and aware when you are getting ready for the day.

Oh, and, by the way, stay away from the $6.95 haircut places. You get what you pay for. A $50 cut is not necessary, but never, ever go to the cheapest place where they are eating carry-out food in the cutting area. Enough said?

Moving Up

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, the excitement is not palpable around here. Missy Linda is not overjoyed with the news, and things around here will not change much. It seems that Missy Linda is going to become a supervisor at work. Sadly, that is not the fabulous promotion that it seems.

There will be different responsibilities such as closing or opening the registers, opening or closing the store, ordering merchandise, going to work or staying late an extra hour to do whatever they do in the office at that time. When she asked Mr. Fry what the duties of the job are, he said, "You have to be me for twenty-five hours a week rather than the sixty to eighty hours I have to be me." (He gets paid a lot and gets benefits, though.)

Don't get me wrong. Missy Linda says that there is a raise involved. It will be a whopping fifty cents an hour. Add that to the ten cents an hour she will get in August for being there a year, and I think she will have it made in the shade. She seems to feel otherwise.

She says the advantages that made her accept the job are that she will not have to work every other Sunday. She might even get Saturdays off- - -or not. Also, when she leaves this job, she will be able to put on her resume that she was a supervisor. She is hoping that will make a difference when she is trying for a better job.

I just don't understand why she is not more excited, do you?

Time Flies No Matter What You Are Doing

Hello most humans and many others,

Usually, you humans say, "Time flies when you are having fun."

Missy Linda says that it doesn't matter what is going on: time still passes quickly. For me, it doesn't happen that way, but then, I am sitting for long periods of time in the same place, unable to move. Sadly, that means that I can't talk to you all unless and until Missy Linda gets me to the computer. Even so, I can't believe it is still so long since I last blogged.

If you know anything about Missy Linda, you know she can be in a dither most of the time. I think that she really believes she has things under control, but for us bystanders, it can be like watching an episode of "I Love Lucy." Don't tell her I said that: she hates those shows. She thinks that she is the only person in the world who doesn't like them, and she doesn't really want to offend or hurt feelings. Still, she just isn't into physical comedy very much.

Anyway, I don't know if the days are flying by me, or, if I just have no concept of the passage of time. Whichever it is, I have to run (in a manner of speaking) because Missy Linda is hollering for the computer. TTYL

Not Betty Crocker

Hello most humans and many others,

I know when I think of Betty Crocker, I think of cooking. However, when Missy Linda was a senior in high school, she won the Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow Award. She has a little metal to prove it. At that time, the Home Ec teacher told the students that they would be surprised who would receive the honor at the awards assembly, having forgotten that Missy Linda was in that class. The reason it was supposed to be surprising was that Missy Linda had not taken that class except for her senior year. Most of the girls had been in Home Ec for four years. (All that was required to win was to make the highest grade on a test sent out by the Betty Crocker people!)

Anyway, I maintain that Missy Linda should be stripped of her award, unless the Homemakers of Tomorrow (or today) aren't required to do anything!

Example: Yesterday, late afternoon/early evening, Missy Linda is vacuuming. Tio Kane yells out, "Is someone coming over?" Mr. Nelson had run as far to the corner of the yard as he can get because he is terrified of the vacuum, possibly because it has been run so infrequently in the time that he has lived here. He hasn't had a chance to get accustomed to it.

Example: I think that the last time I saw the top of the dining table was when we last had guests for dinner- - -and that has been a while. Same story for the coffee table.

That's all the time I have today, but I will give you so many examples that one of you out there will feel compelled to contact the Betty Crocker people to get that award rescinded!

Shade is Good?

Hi there most humans and many others,

How is the world treating you all today? We are having a small dilemma here at Missy Linda's house. In her front yard are two maple trees. They are planted close together. When she moved into this house, almost thirteen years ago, they were small trees. That might have been their second summer existing.

Well, now, they are huge! They totally shade most of the front yard, and the driveway. Depending on the angle of the sun, they even shade part of the street, and a couple of the neighbors park there to keep their cars cooler. Missy Linda doesn't mind that at all unless she is expecting guests who might need parking (like she has guests!)

The problem is that now the grass that was in the front yard has died. Missy Linda is trying to get grass for shade to grow, but is not having much luck. She wants to be a good neighbor and keep her yard decent looking. The neighbors on one side, who are friends, just had their yard professionally landscaped. That certainly shows a contrast! The guy on the other side, who won't answer when Missy Linda says, "Hello," keeps his yard mowed, but that is all. That house is a rental.

-----Just another one of Missy Linda's life shaping conundrums, right?

New Rules

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, Missy Linda can hardly wait to get to work these days! It seems that every day there is a new rule from the NEW DISTRICT MANAGER! It is beginning to be amusing to find out what the fresh mind has decided the workers must do that day. Missy Linda says that she believes that he has never had a management class, or if he did, he skipped most of the classes- - -or worst of all, he just knows more than anyone else!

One supervisor has tendered her resignation. Many are glad that she is leaving, but they would happily keep her if the NEW DISTRICT MANAGER would leave. I remember when Missy Linda would complain about the old district manager. Boy! Does she look good now! At least she wasn't a micro-manager.

Missy Linda says that if the NEW DISTRICT MANAGER decides that the salespeople must stand on their respective heads while cutting fabric, she will have to leave. One supervisor says that when that final straw lands on her camel's back, she is going to pull off her shirt in front of everyone and say, "I quit! And here is your _____ shirt!" Of course, that lady has something impressive to show when she rips off her shirt. Missy Linda wouldn't make nearly as much of an impression- - -except horror or sadness! (Also, at her age, there's the danger of people thinking she is getting dementia!)

The Tropics

Hello there most humans and many others,

Well, I believe that the phlegm rivers (and the gastrointestinal problems) around here are clearing up. There is always a certain amount of hacking and blowing noses and sleepiness from antihistamines, but it is getting into the normal range today. Finally!

Missy Linda was saying that it is fairly pleasant outside this morning when she took out the recycling. That is only because there is some rain right close to here that is cooling things, and the clouds are keeping the sun at bay for a couple of hours. She hopes it is that long! I don't mind it too much (even with my curly hair) but these humans around here do not like the tropical weather we are having. Although it has not been raining, it is humid like it has been. It is also unseasonably hot!

Well, you know what? I have been here a couple of summers now, and I think that is just how it is here! Grow up, whiny humans, and learn to live with it. Surely you can stand a few headaches, some ozone alerts, high electric bills, and not being able to breathe! That's what it is like here in the summer! Deal with it!

Phlegm Patrol

Hello most humans and many others,

So what have you all been doing this week? It has been very unexciting around here, for sure! This is the first time that Missy Linda has turned on the computer for me all week. All she and Tio Kane have been doing is hacking up phlegm and saying things like, "What? I can't hear you my ears are stopped up!" - - -whatever that means!

Missy Linda finally has to go back to work today after two days off. Now someone else will have to listen to her today, thank goodness. Tio Kane is not so bad because his crud is on the way out, he says. He says he is feeling a little better.

I am just glad that I will hear less hacking and creepy sounds like that for a few hours today. Thank goodness!

Holidays?

Greetings most humans and many others,

Remember last year at this time when all Missy Linda wanted was a job? Well, I do! I got so tired of her whining, I thought I would explode!

Now, she complains about her job. Actually, what she is complaining about right now, besides the new district manager, is that she wishes she could have a weekend or a holiday off. "That's the wonderful world of retail," I tell her.

She is always wanting to do something that is only on the weekend. Well, I guess that is sort of too bad for her, isn't it? Between the job at the fabric store and the work she does at home to earn extra money, she is getting too cranky for me. Does anyone out there want to take me on vacation with them? I take up very little room, and I am very quiet.

All Grown Up

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, today is Missy Ryley's fifth birthday. Missy Linda feels that she doesn't have much longer to have little girls around. One of the things that Missy Ryley received for her birthday was to get her ears pierced. She has been wanting to have it done, and she decided herself that she was ready for it.

A funny thing that happened is that when Missy Ryley got there with her mom, Missy Lesley, one of her best friends was there to get her ears pierced, also. Talk about coincidence! The two girls had not seen each other for awhile, so there was no plan to meet or anything.

Missy Ryley's color did drain from her face, and she did have to stop and fight back the tears because it did hurt more than she expected. However, after a few days, she is very glad she did it, and after all is said and done, that's the important thing, right?

Clumping Birthdays

Hello most humans and many others,

Missy Linda was talking about how it seems that birthdays kind of clump together in many families. I think she means that sometimes in families, it appears that there are many birthdays that are very close together. In our family, May is one of those months. It is the most densely birthdayed month for us.

On May 1, there is the birthday of Missy Lesley. Then we move to the 10th, which has two celebrants, Mr. Brett and Mr. Dari, Missy Lesley's dad. After a break, on the 22nd, Missy Leslie has her day. A mere four days later, it is Missy Ryley who was born on the 26th. The last birthday for our family in May comes on the last day of the month, and that is Missy Linda's.

We used to celebrate "Parade of Cakes" when a lot of people had birthdays close together, but that seems to have fallen by the wayside the last couple of years. I wish that we could do that some more because I really liked all the fun. I guess Missy Linda is just getting too old and tired. I don't know why else we don't have it now. She is just no fun these days!

Congrats in Order

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, tomorrow is a special day in Albuquerque. Missy Ally is graduating from high school. She is an extremely accomplished young woman, and everyone is super proud of her. Congratulations, Missy Ally. We all know you will accomplish whatever you set out to do.

Today is a big deal, too. Missy Ally is having a big graduation party. We hope everyone has a great time and celebrates Missy Ally enthusiastically. We cannot attend because Missy Linda has to work, but we will be there in spirit.

There's not much going on here in Edmond. I hear that it is not going to storm for a few days. I'll take that for a very good thing. We are a little worn slick around here. All our favorite shows are on in the middle of the night on some other night than they are supposed to be because the four people in western Oklahoma need to be "informed" every nanosecond. That wasn't very nice of me to say that, was it? Well, that's just the way I am when I am inconvenienced, so there!

Whoop, Here It Is

Greetings most humans and many others,

Here we are again at the beginning of another stormy day, so the weather dudes and dudettes on TV say. Mr. Nelson is already staying in his hidey hole, which it turns out is upstairs in the hallway by Tio Kane's room. He has been very hungry lately, but he hasn't eaten his breakfast yet today.

I would offer to stay with him and sit by him upstairs, but he chews on me. That is a little too daring for me! I am not up for anything life threatening just to help Mr. Nelson feel better. Sorry, but that's just how selfish I am. Besides, I just got the flowers on my dress fixed from the last time I got too close to him. He's nice, but I have to stay as intact as possible. Remember that I already have that huge injury that forced my retirement.

I suppose I am not worried about the storms unless I somehow come into contact with huge hail or strong winds. That won't happen unless part of the house is already gone, so I guess at that point, I am on my own, right?

The Front Yard

Hello most humans and many others,

Mr. Nelson has made what he considers an awesome discovery. He has learned that there are sometimes squirrels in the front yard as well as the back yard. He enjoys running after the front yard squirrels because there are big trees that he seems to believe he can climb if he just tries hard enough.

All the large trees that shade the back yard are actually on the other side of the fence so he doesn't get to charge the rodents as effectively as he can when he is actually touching the tree, he feels. Missy Linda says that she does expect him to fly over the back fence one of these days because he sometimes gets at least his head higher than the top of the fence when he makes a running jump. It appears that he can get the highest when he is the maddest at the squirrels.

Actually, Missy Linda worries that one day she will come home from work, and Mr. Nelson will be impaled on the top of the wooden fence. I think she is just being a hysterical mother, but she claims she has seen just such a scenario played out on a TV show called, "Emergency Vets". She is literally going to drive me crazy!

More Weather

Greetings most humans and many others,

I am feeling sorry for Mr. Nelson today. He is really upset when there are thunderstorms, and he hides. This morning when Missy Linda wasn't greeted by him when she went into the kitchen, she knew he had been through a rough night. She is not sure where he had been cowering from the noises of the storm because after a while, he just appeared.

Later, when another round rolled through here, she could not find him in his usual hiding places. He must have found someplace where he feels safer. He finally reappeared after she called him a few times. I hope he found a hidey hole that makes him feel better. As for me, I don't worry much about just thunderstorms. My fears spring forth when the winds are howling, and there is a threat of a tornado! Remember what makes up most of me!

I heard that we might have bad weather several times this week. I think Mr. Nelson is going to have a very scary and bad week!

Weather

Greetings most humans and many others,

After all the weather related occurrences in this area during this last week, I think that I am about ready to get sent to live some place else! Sometimes the volcano in Iceland seems less threatening than what we have seen around here lately. Do any of you know anyone in Iceland?

On second thought, I forgot that Missy Linda has a nephew who lives in Palau! Now, there's a nice place to live! You may have seen some of this tropical paradise if you watch Survivor. From seeing the pictures of Mr. Ron and Missy Danka, I think I will start campaigning to be sent there. Maybe I could convince Missy Linda that I should go on a fact-finding mission or something.

I have just been thinking that if I stay around here, and the weather doesn't get less stormy, there's a good chance I will get blown past Kansas! I am made primarily of Styrofoam, remember. It just sort of occurred to me the other day that I doubt if Missy Linda will remember to grab me when she heads into the bathroom that is our shelter for storms. I know her priorities would be Mr. Nelson and Mr. Mushu.

Wait a minute! I am not sure at all if I want to be shut in a small room with Mr. Nelson and Mr. Mushu for even a few seconds. They get along like---well, the house is divided into two sections to accommodate them! Enough said?

Sabbatical

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, I am glad to be back from my sabbatical, which is what Missy Linda told me I have been doing lately. I thought I was just sitting here doing nothing the whole time, but she seems to have a different definition. She says that I have been ruminating about the world and its sundry problems. It seems that I have also been thinking about what to do about personal situations around here. (I have no idea what she means by that!)

Mostly, what I know is that Missy Linda has been a little upset about her job since the new district manager got there. She comes home saying things like, "What all should a person be required to do for what I get paid?"

And sometimes, she mutters something like, "If they want me to be all for the company, then they need to give me something to make me want to do that." I don't really know what is going on there. I suspect it has something to do with money.

Anyway, it looks like she is going to let me back on the computer, so I'll be in touch, OK?

In the Bag!

Dear most humans and many others,

I am so sorry that I didn't get back to you about the classroom visit on Monday. I have just yesterday been rescued from the shopping bag that was left in the car since Monday! About the only thing I can say about that is that I was not head down this time!

Anyway, my classroom foray went quite successfully. I had wanted to take some pics with the class, but time just slipped away. I am hoping that Missy Linda will take me back next week just for a photo op. Some of the students wanted to take a picture with me, and I want to oblige them.

Missy Linda should be in a better mood next week, too. She has been working extra hours at her job this past week, and she had stuff due for class. There isn't much more of the semester left before finals. Then maybe she will lighten up. Sure!

Excitement!

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, finally! This evening, I finally get to go out and do something. Something interesting. Something where I will be the center of attention. Something that I have not done before. Something which I hope will get me a new dress.

Missy Linda and some of her classmates have a group presentation to give tonight in class, and I get to be a part of it. I will get to be in front of the whole class, and I will get to talk about my blog and My Space page. There will even be pictures from the blog and My Space that are projected onto a big screen behind me. I am so happy! And nervous! And thrilled! And nervous!

Wish me luck! I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, OK?

Machetes, Anyone?

Dear most humans and many others,

Today is the first time that Mr. Cole was supposed to come mow Missy Linda's yard. It is pretty tall in the back yard, as it is all weeds! You are not really surprised, are you? The front is not bad because it is actually mostly grass, and it is grass that is not at all robust. Missy Linda, if you remember, has a black thumb.

Anyway, it started raining yesterday, and it is raining today, and it will rain tomorrow. That means Mr. Cole won't be here until next Saturday! He is a high school student who has too many weekday activities to add mowing to them.

At this point, I am just hoping that by next Saturday, Mr. Nelson will be able to get through the jungle to get his squirrel chasing duties accomplished. I am a little worried about his getting lost like that little girl in Florida did who went on an adventure. At least he will surely stay inside the fence. That should help us be able to locate him before four days have passed, right?

What Happened?

Dear most humans and many others,

Well, since I have been watching TV so much now that I sit in the kitchen rather than the dining room, I have been witness to some weird things. One day recently, Missy Linda noticed that suddenly we have the BYU channel (Brigham Young University) and the RFD channel. She doesn't know exactly when they actually started as they could have been there a while before being noticed. She's not even sure if they replaced some channels, or if they were just added.

Even I thought surely Mr. Nelson would enjoy the sheep dog trials on RFD, but his comment was, "I don't know any sheep!" I think it just hurts him to see those dogs working to herd sheep when he has to wrangle squirrels. It is much harder to control squirrels, though, and we think he does an admirable job.

Tax Relief?

Dear most humans and many others,

Missy Linda is in a good mood today because her tax forms are all ready to go out in the mail today. She is extremely thankful to have Missy Lesley, who is a CPA, to fill out her taxes for her. Missy Lesley is so nice that she does this every year for poor Missy Linda. No telling how many years Missy Linda would get (you know, in the big house) if she did them herself. That would be entertaining though, right?

Missy Linda also seems to be glad that she has to pay much less this year than last year! That sounds like a great deal to me! However, I discovered that the reason she owes a lesser amount this year is that she made a lot less money this year. Oops! That is not a great reason!

I need to light a fire under Missy Linda's work ethic or whatever it would be to help her to earn more money. I need some new dresses, some new head shots, some better jewelry, more parties . . . more movies, more dinners out --- the list goes on and on!

An Anniversary

Hello most humans and many others,

I heard on the news the other day that this weekend was the thirtieth anniversary of the first prom in Elmore City, OK. Evidently, that is important because the hubbub about not being allowed to dance in the city limits, and then the decision to allow the prom, was the inspiration for the movie Footloose. I saw that on the national news this weekend while I was perched on the bar in the kitchen not doing anything else.

Missy Linda was reminding Tio Kane that Missy Elise had a slumber party at their house when she was in high school, and that movie was very popular. The girls played the movie at the party, and when the theme song started playing, the girls jumped and danced and sang until the house felt as if it were shaking. I guess that means that they had a good time.

Missy Linda's friend, DougcallmeDoug, is going to get an email to tell him the story about the movie before he moves back to NYC when school is over this semester. He has lived here almost two years now to teach at the university, but he will be going back to his life in Greenwich Village in May. Missy Linda wants him to know interesting things about Oklahoma so he will remember us fondly. (He did not know that our post office started, "going postal!")

Phooey! Foiled Again!

Dear most humans and many others,

Well, Missy Linda has to be at work early today. I thought this would be a good day, because she will be gone longer, to do some internet shopping. As it says up top, I am, sadly, "Foiled Again!"

Missy Linda left her purse on the kitchen counter, so I was looking for credit cards to spirit away for my shopping. Low and behold, she has either put them away some place or thrown them away or something terrible has happened! All I could find is a debit card!

Debit cards are no good for my purposes! The money is subtracted immediately, and so Missy Linda would be able to catch onto my plan too soon.

I don't know if she is punishing me for earlier shopping, if we are poor (oops! I mean, if she is poor!) or if she is just not using credit. Whatever her thinking, it is ruining my life!

Am I Inert?

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, it has been a week since Missy Linda, Missy Barb and Missy Carol had one of their slumber parties. Of course, I was left sitting on the bar in the kitchen where I have been since I don't know when.

Then on Sunday, which Missy Linda actually had off work, she and Tio Kane went to lunch at Missy Lesley and Mr. Nick's house. Where was I during this? I was sitting on the kitchen bar, as usual.

I will admit that I see and hear more of what goes on there than I did when my perch was on the buffet in the dining room. Also, I can see the TV where I am now, so that's something. I grasp at any little straw that I can these days.

I heard Missy Linda and Tio Kane talking about inertia and momentum yesterday. I think that I must be afflicted with inertia. I have been put some place, and I have not moved in I can't remember when. The longer I sit here, the longer I will have trouble getting moved, I think. Do you think I have this disease of inertia?

Another Setback

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, it seems to me that all Missy Linda does these days is complain. I know that once in a while she has a good reason, but, my goodness, not every day! Surely, she has good things that happen to her to override the few tiny bad things.

Her beef today is that her house payment went up one hundred dollars. So? That is not even one fabulous dress for a human, or even one scrumptious pair of shoes for you people. (Remember, I am talking about other humans, not Missy Linda. Her clothes and shoes are the cheap stuff.) What in the world is she so bent out of shape about? She says it is not even the actual payment on the house, it is just the escrow for the insurance and taxes. She thinks her taxes may have gone higher. She says she can check on that, so what is the rub? She is such a baby! I think I will tell her to come and talk to me when she grows up a little! How does that sound?

She Couldn't Sleep

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, I would suggest to any of you humans who might have to deal with Missy Linda today, put it off until another day if you can at all. She is already cranky from not being able to sleep last night. Add to that the allergy factor that she cannot take any medicine to speak of when she has to go to work, and she is already sleepy. An antihistamine would just knock her on her fanny! (Actually, I would enjoy seeing that.) However, her eyes do look somewhat runny today.

To top it off, she says that she awakened more than thirty minutes before the alarm was to go off this morning. Well, to that I say, "Perhaps you didn't need that much sleep."

I am just going to stay out of the range of her radar, and I suggest you all do the same!

Be Careful What You Wish For

Greetings most humans and many others,

Missy Linda and the other people who work at the fabric store learned a valuable lesson this week. They were all very happy when they heard that the district manager was leaving to do something else. She seemed very flighty, and did things like come into the stores when they were closed. It would be a weird feeling to be there when the store closed in the evening and then be there when it opened the next morning, but things were changed around or there was merchandise that no one had ever seen before. If the store where Missy Linda worked had some "good" fabric that the district manager wanted for another store, she would just take it. No one liked the way she operated.

Well, well, well. When Missy Linda got to work yesterday, things were very different. There is now a new district manager, and he has new rules! All of the employees have to read and sign an agreement that they will sell their quotas of certain items each week or be at risk of having hours cut. The people who reach or exceed the quotas will be allowed to work the most hours. That is going over with everyone like a lead balloon!

I would just like to point out to you people out there that this affects my life, too! Missy Linda is already cranky about this. She is going to complain and whine, and she will probably be one of the people whose hours are cut. And where does that leave me? It leaves me with my chauffeur and social secretary having even less money to spend on me!

This is a Rant!

Hello most humans and many others,

Lately, I have been sitting on the bar in the kitchen rather than in the dining room. That means that I can watch TV when it is on. I am so disgusted with the way that you humans (and maybe some of you "others," also) have been acting! Since Missy Linda let me free from head down in a shopping bag, I have had a fairly steady view of the way that you all behave.

I have noticed that, lately, all people do is scream at each other and call each other names and tell horrific lies about others! How in the world are you ever going to get things done when everyone (at least, it appears to be nearly everyone) acts like a two-year-old.

Missy Linda says that when she was a kid and saw the demonstrations about civil rights and the Viet Namese war, she could understand the importance of those. However, even during those times, that were some of the most turbulent ever, people did not act like they do today. There was less of the rampant name-calling that has nothing to do with any issue, but then, I suppose Rush and Glen did not have their shows at that time! Maybe Glen is even too young to remember those events. I think that more children need to be taught in school how to debate or talk with others without just screaming and name-calling. Nothing is ever going to progress this way.

Anyway, it is just so overwhelmingly sad the way that so many of you humans are acting these days, that I am worried about my future. Aren't you humans supposed to be more highly evolved than the other creatures on earth? It doesn't seem like it to me!

What's Wrong With Men?

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, around here, a lot of the talk has been about Sandra Bullock's husband's behavior. I have also been hearing about the "Oscar Curse" for the women of Hollywood. What is wrong with these human males that they cannot stand for the women to achieve more than they do? That's just the stupidest thing ever to me.

Missy Linda says that she is not a hard and fast Sandra Bullock fan, but she does know that Sandra waited a long time to get married because she wanted the real thing. Missy Linda just feels really sad for women who get betrayed in whatever way, and then it is on the international media. These guys must realize that this is going to happen. They are such wimps in so many ways, Missy Linda feels.

You know how she is when she gets a bee in her bonnet; I hear about it for days on end. She and Tio Kane have been talking about Reese Witherspoon, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Julia Roberts, Hilary Swank, Gwyneth Paltrow and Helen Hunt, to name several of the women who have had man troubles after winning an Oscar.

Technically, Jesse James cheated before Sandra won the Oscar, but he sat there bawling while she praised his devotion to her in the speech. Even a non-human thinks that is unacceptable!

You males had better get your acts together while women are still willing to have anything to do with you! That's what Juana Tortilla thinks.

Time

Greetings most humans and many others,

I cannot believe that I haven't talked to you all in a week! It's like the time change sucked us into some kind of a vortex that changed time more than an hour.

And, hey, did you hear that the earthquake in Peru moved the earth's axis a little? Tio Kane said that he doesn't know whether to set his clock back 1.26 millionths of a second or forward 1.26 millionths of a second. Well, if he doesn't know, I certainly don't have a clue! I don't understand why Missy Linda and Tio Kane like to pose questions that neither they nor I can answer. That is just annoying to me.

Sometimes I kind of wonder if I am on some type of a reality show, and no one told me. Do you know anything about that?

Missed Opportunities

Greetings most humans and many others,

Of course, Missy Linda has her panties in a bunch this morning. (What else is new?) She does not like it that she is working on Friday. She has had Fridays off for several weeks in a row, and now all of a sudden, she is working. Poor Missy Linda!

She acts as if she actually had some big plans that she was forced to cancel or even some big job she was going to get done around the house. Yeah, right! I'll bet she would say she was going to empty her deleted file. If she has so much to do, why didn't she do it yesterday?

I say the trouble with Missy Linda is her time management skills. She says that it is energy management skills. Whatever her problem, she will have to wait until her next day off to waste her time- - -or will she?

Who Are These Billionaires?

Greetings most people and many others,

This morning I heard on the news that there are four hundred billionaires in the United States! What I want to know is where are these rich people, and why can't I live with one of them? Missy Linda says that none of them would waste his or her time taking me places or doing things with me. What an insult!

I think that I just had the bad luck to get purchased or found or whatever happened that I got in this family by the wrong people. Surely, anyone who met me would love to spend a little of her free time making my life fabulous! After all, I don't ask for much.

All I want is some designer clothes, a few nights out a week, being allowed to throw a couple of parties a month and maybe a few trips every year. I feel that would be so easy for a rich person to provide, don't you? Missy Linda just has that crappy job at a fabric store, and she goes to school! Big deal! She has not gotten me invited to one fraternity party! I just think that has to be from lack of effort on her part, don't you?

Party?

Hello there most humans and many others,

Well, tonight is the Oscars, and I haven't seen any movement around here that makes it appear that there will be any partying at this venue. Maybe I should try to get on the Ellen show and win a chance to be a red carpet interviewer for them. Every year they do something like that.

On Friday, Missy Linda went to Norman and visited with Missy Barb. Then she and Missy Barb were treated to a movie by Pseudo Uncle. After that Missy Barb took them all for a Mexican dinner. Guess where I was! Exactly right! I was sitting right here on the bar in the kitchen watching TV when someone turns it on or watching Mr. Nelson when there's nothing else to watch. Let me tell you, I am sick of this! I would have loved to have an evening out. I haven't been out in I don't know when. I believe I need to formulate a plan to take care of this situation, don't you?

Projects

Greetings humans and many others,

I would like to point out that it is not my fault that I have not had a turn on the computer. It is time for mid-terms, it seems, and Tio Kane has been on the computer for three solid days, nearly non-stop, working on some project. Thank goodness, that's finally over.

Missy Linda didn't have to do a paper, so she has just been annoying me. She actually did sit with a big book for a couple of days, but I don't know if she was really doing anything. She is a slow reader, so maybe she was just trying to read a hard story. She is going to be a little annoyed if she sees this, but I get tired of her not paying attention to me. She did mention something about a test last night.

I have been hearing that the Oscar's are on Sunday. Remember that time I got to have an Oscar party? I can barely recall it since it has been so long ago. I do remember that I had a new fancy dress for it. I don't even remember the last time I got a new dress since then, do you?

People and Animals

Greetings most humans and many others,

I must admit that I am puzzled about something I heard on the news last night. It seems that a killer whale killed a trainer at a Sea World show. I am struggling to understand you humans yet again.

What is it about that name "killer whale" that people want to ignore? I heard that particular whale had been involved in the deaths of two other people. Isn't that something that should ring some bells in you peoples' heads? Maybe you should all stay away from animals that are about twenty-five times your size that have already killed other humans!

Maybe it is just me, and I am not a human, but I just don't understand why some of you guys act the way that you do. Can anyone enlighten me? Are the majority of you crazy?

Strange Day

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, I have to say that we haven't had a Sunday like yesterday since before Missy Linda started to work. The strange thing that happened is that she did not go to work yesterday! Oh, it wasn't like we got to go any place or do any thing---she called in sick because she was. This is the first Sunday ever that she has missed work.

So far, she thinks she may or may not be feeling better today. Its hard to tell since she hasn't been up for very long. I will tell you one thing for sure. I think that she must be getting old or something because when I first came here, she would get up really early or stay up really late if she had things that she had to get done. Now, it seems that the earliest she can get up is about 6:30, and I don't know exactly when she goes to bed, but it is not very late. I thought that I heard that old people sleep less, though. I don't know what's with her. I'm beginning to wonder if she lives in some kind of a parallel universe. Is that possible?

My Turn Now

Hello there most humans and many others,

Well, it's finally my turn to use the computer! You know how selfish Missy Linda is! She says she had a big paper due in class last night, and that is why she had to use the computer all day yesterday. I believe she had a paper due yesterday, but that doesn't explain all the other days that I don't get my turn. As you can easily see, I don't get to write very often nowadays. I used to write every day. I am going to put my foot down with her! Well, I would if I had a foot!

I like Mr. Nelson a lot, but he just takes up all of Missy Linda's time these days. They are just always playing "Where's Nelson?" or "I've got your toy!" That leaves little time for Missy Linda to turn on the computer for me. How long does that take?

My panties would be all in a bunch, if I had panties!

Double Holiday

Hello there most humans and many others,

Well, here it is a double holiday, and "poor" Missy Linda has to work. That is so sad! It really is sad because I am accustomed to having a Chinese New Year's party, and I don't see any preparations going on around here. That is not a good sign.

I suppose if I want to feel as if it is a party day, I will just go back and look at the pictures from my last Chinese New Year party- - -if the entries go back that far!

I have totally given up on any Valentine's Day celebrations around here. Missy Linda and Tio Kane are pretty adamant about that! I wonder why, don't you?

Already Gone

Hi there most humans and many others,

Well, it is certainly quiet around here now! The girls and Missy Elise have gone back to their home. We miss them a lot already- - -especially Mr. Nelson. He really loves for the girls to be here because they love him and spend a lot of time with him. He uses his time with them trying to keep them together all in one place since he is a herding dog.

Missy Linda had to work only two of the days that they were here so that was good. On Sunday afternoon, Missy Elise and the girls went up to the store where Missy Linda works and looked around. While Missy Linda finished her work day, they watched the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet, went shopping for a little while and then met Missy Linda for dinner at the Chinese buffet next door to Missy Linda's store.

Missy Linda could not even stay awake last night for all of "Psych," one of her favorite shows on TV that ends at 10:00pm! She is off to work today seeming pretty normal, though.

They are on Their Way

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, they aren't exactly on their way as I am writing this, but they will be soon- - -even though it is snowing at their house. Missy Maitlyn, Missy Elspeth and Missy Amelia will be visiting us for a few days starting this evening. As it turns out, Missy Elise will even be here with them.

Mr. Brett is going to go to Colorado for a photography trip since the air fare for he and Missy Elise has already been paid. They were going up there to see about a job, but Mr. Brett decided that he did not want to take the job before they even went. They had already arranged for the girls to stay with us, and the airline tickets were already purchased, so they decided to make the best of it.

Since Missy Elise figured that she would just be standing around in the cold if she went with Mr. Brett, she thought that staying with us and the girls would be more fun. I agree that is a great option, don't you?

Time Flies

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, it is true. Time flies when Missy Linda is driving everyone crazy. No, nothing new around here- - -just the usual.

We were expecting Missy Elise and her family to come from Fayetteville, AR, to finally celebrate Christmas. We also have had three birthdays in the family since the Christmas that was on the calendar (you know, on December 25).

It sounds as if we will be experiencing the same type of weather this weekend that we had on "real Christmas," and they will not be able to come here. This time, they will be getting the bad weather where they live, too. Previously, the storm turned north and mostly missed Fayetteville. This time it appears that it will hit us all fairly equally.

Missy Linda bought batteries yesterday in case the power goes out. Tio Kane had turned the gas off from the stove in the utility room this summer so they are going to get it ready to go. The people have groceries, and Mr. Nelson and Mr. Mushu are stocked up on food.

The only thing Missy Linda dreads is driving home from work on Thursday at 5:00 p.m. She is not too afraid of driving herself, but she hates to drive in the ice when other people are driving, too. She does have four wheel drive which helped a lot in the last storm. She doesn't mind driving ten miles an hour if that is what it takes. But, other drivers don't seem to share her ice and snow philosophy of "slow and steady wins the race."

She is not Happy

Hi there most humans and many others,

Well, I expected that Missy Linda would be cranky a couple of days after another store inventory, but she was angry. Tio Kane was not home when she got back from Norman yesterday so Mr. Nelson and I had to listen to her ranting about her day. It was excruciating hearing her go on and on!- - - Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I felt sorry for her; I felt sorry for Mr. Nelson and me!

It seems that when other people came to work in the Edmond store's inventory, they were provided a free lunch of submarine sandwiches, chips, drinks, candy and nuts plus donuts and coffee before that. Missy Linda and the people working in Norman got zilch, nada, nothing! They had to buy their own lunches! I say, "So?"

I'm glad that she rode with someone to go down there. Can you imagine if she had used her own gasoline?

Oh, No! Not Again!

Hi there most humans and many others,

Well, I am going to have to endure another weekend with Missy Linda all groggy and cranky after she goes to the Norman branch of the fabric store to help with inventory there. The only plus is that she will be gone from home long enough for me to shop online, and presumably, she will be earning extra money that I can spend.

Sadly, she will be very cranky, though, because she has to be at the store in Norman at 6:00 am tomorrow. Since she isn't the only person going, they will also ride together. That means that she won't get to drop by Missy Barb's house or visit with anyone that she knows in Norman, like Missy Carol or Pseudo Uncle either. It has been a long time since she has visited with any of them in person. I can tell that she is wound up as tight as a (fill in amusing metaphor). She is easier to deal with when she gets to let down her hair with her friends. There hasn't been a slumber party in months because she hasn't been able to get down there. She is becoming a sad, old, bitter woman (as if she weren't, anyway).

Well, wish me luck dealing with her. I will need it.

The Usual

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, Missy Linda's inventory duty is over, and she has survived and is recovered. She says that the actual inventory wasn't so bad- - -it was Mr. Nelson barking at something in the yard for a long time in the wee hours of the morning that caused the most problems. Mr. Nelson tries to be quiet when he is told to do that, but if some critter is in his yard, he can control himself for only short periods of time. Later, Missy Linda remembered that she should have pulled down the blinds in the family room so that he couldn't see outside. It didn't occur to her until days later, though. Duh!

Missy Linda's friend at work, Missy Hope, had the same problem with her doggy, Missy Penny Ann on the night before the inventory. That pair was probably as efficient as (fill in entertaining metaphor).

Well, I have to run because Missy Linda needs the computer before she heads off to work. I'll talk to you all tomorrow.

I Just Want Her to Keep it to Herself

Hello there most humans and many others,

All right! I have had enough of Missy Linda! I do not want to be her confidante any longer. I thought it was supposed to be that I told her about MY life and problems, not the other way around. I am sick to death of hearing her drone on all the time about tiny little things that don't matter to me at all.

Today she is all up in my grill (pretty hip talk, huh?) about whether or not she is going to be able to take hard classes and work. So there are graduate students in her classes who get graduate credit. That is clearly noted in the information about the class. The time to worry about that is when she is signing up for classes! Am I right?

Also, it seems that there is inventory at the store on Friday. So? Big deal! She has to go to work at 6:00 am, and there is just a question mark for when she is finished. She doesn't have to be at work until 10:00 the next morning! That is thirty minutes later than she usually has to work on Saturday. See what I mean? Complain, complain, complain. That's all I hear from her.

What do I want? I want her to say things like, "Juana, how was your day?" "Juana, would you like for me to take you on a vacation?" "Juana, are you warm enough?" "Juana, are you cool enough?" "Juana, you look beautiful." "Juana, what can I do for you?"

Is that too much to ask?

Better

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, the good news is that Mr. Nelson is feeling better. Missy Linda says that dogs are smarter than people about things like sickness. Mr. Nelson was smart enough to refrain from eating while he was sick, but now he is eating some, and he is on patrol in the back yard again. Missy Linda and Tio Kane are very relieved because Mr. Puck had gastro-intestinal problems right before he died. Missy Linda said she read that those kinds of things are very serious for dogs.

Missy Linda also made a discovery about fitness in humans. She said she had heard that people start to lose their level of fitness if they don't exercise for three days. She believes that is absolutely true for sure now. She was off work for three days while she was sick, and after working yesterday, her legs ache like they did when she first started working at the fabric store. She thinks that is a depressing situation for people who have to force themselves to exercise in the first place because three days is not much wiggle room. If people can go downhill so fast, it makes it seem too tenuous to work on fitness. Of course, you can guess that Missy Linda is not an enthusiastic exerciser, right?

TW3

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, here we go again. In case you all don't understand the title of my blog today, Missy Linda told me about a show that was on TV many years ago called "That Was The Week That Was." They called it "TW3" to shorten it. It was a comedic look at the events in the news the past week. Anyway, it's not comedic to me, but I guess this is a look at the last several days around here.

As I mentioned, we were preparing to head over to Fayetteville, AR, to visit Missy Elise and her family and have Christmas. Well, Missy Linda and Missy Elise talked incessantly about the weather as there was a sort of small stormy incident on Wednesday night here and Thursday morning there. It was deemed by Missy Linda that the storm was not a travel problem.

However, Missy Linda got up sick on Thursday morning. She had a fever, sort throat and the usual wintry mix of symptoms. She is all right now, but she even stayed home from work yesterday. She will be there at the crack of noon today, though. She was super disappointed to miss the trip and moped around with exceeding annoyance the last few days- - -that would be annoyance to me!

As the topper to my glamorous non-vacation view of tissues, Mucinex, ibuprofen, coughing, sneezing and general malaise, yesterday, Mr. Nelson experienced (and is still experiencing) some gastro-intestinal upset. Have you ever smelled dog gas? Let me tell you! It nearly knocks me off my perch! Missy Linda says he is better this morning, but I will have to not smell it to believe it!

Hibernate?

Hello most humans and many others,

As you all know, I am still learning about you humans. Are you all supposed to hibernate? I keep thinking that Missy Linda feels a need to do that because she can hardly stay awake until 9:00 pm. I think that if she could, she would just sleep her life away. Do you think she has what you all call "sleeping sickness?"

She does get up and go to work, but when she doesn't have to be at work, she sleeps until 8:00 am sometimes, and I know she would sleep longer if it weren't for the pets who want breakfast. I have seen her do it. She has been known to sleep until 10:00 am at times!

It is good that she has to take care of Mr. Nelson and Mr. Mushu or no telling what she would be doing! Tio Kane says that Mr. Nelson is a therapy dog because he makes them get up off of their behinds to play and walk and things --- and makes Missy Linda get up in the morning.

COLD!

Brrrrrrr most humans and many others,

Wow! Even I can tell how cold it is, and I haven't even been outside! This morning when Missy Linda took out the recycling and filled the bird feeder, she actually wore shoes and a coat. Now, I'm not saying that she stays outside barefoot and coatless when it is cold, but she will certainly run out for a couple of minutes in that state. When she wears socks in the house, I know that something is amiss.

She has even been wearing socks at work, and that is a big change for her. Although she has not started wearing a long sleeved shirt under her short sleeved work shirt like most of the other people do. She says that it has not been that cold inside the store, and if she had to wear two shirts, everyone else would probably have to wear her coat.

If I go to Fayetteville with Missy Linda, Tio Kane and Mr. Nelson on Thursday and Friday, I hope and pray that I do not get left in the car alone and freezing head down in a shopping bag!

Mirror, Mirror

Hello there most humans and many others,

Well, how were your New Year Celebrations? Mine was nonexistent - - - big surprise!

Now, I have had to listen to Missy Linda going around saying, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. I am my mother, after all." Needless to say, she is driving me crazy with her mantra!

It seems that when she neglects to put on her make-up and get decent for the public - - -put on clothes instead of jammies - - - she realizes that she is looking like her mother. Oh, my goodness! Does this ever send her into a tizzy!

Now, I am not even talking about her mother in the very last part of her life, like when she lived in the nursing home, and they had lost her teeth, and her hair was pure white and straight as a string. I am referring to when she was about Missy Linda's age.

It seems that Missy Linda believes her face is getting rather saggy around the jowls, and she is getting turkey neck. Now, while this is true, she probably just looks fairly normal for her age. It must be taken into account that she does not have the funds to get any botox or lifts or any of those other things that affluent women have done. (She says she wouldn't do that anyway!)

Anyway, if you see her running around with a bag over her head, I have just done to her what she does to me sometimes- - - stuck her head first into a shopping bag!