What's Been Happening?

Hello most humans and many others,

So, what has been going on lately? I don't know where I was being taken, but somehow I ended up head down in a grocery bag in the back of Missy Linda's car for the umpteenth time. I was there so long I don't even remember where I was supposed to be going. If I had blood, it would have been puddling in my brain for all that time. No wonder I am disoriented.

I know that I was there when it was pretty cold, and it never really warmed up, even when the sun was shining. I suppose that I should be satisfied that I was finally rescued and am in the house now- - -right side up. As soon as my brain clears, I am going to demand some answers and then some better treatment from Missy Linda. I believe that it might be time for me to contact my Tortilla Person Representative, don't you?

My Nightmare

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, friends, I thought things were bad enough with not getting to use the computer, but they can always get worse, I have discovered. Internet shopping will finally be my downfall! After Missy Linda finishes her homework and other not so important tasks on the computer, she goes shopping!

Do you know how long it took her to find the doll she wanted to buy Missy Emma for Christmas? More than a day! It seems that not only does she have to find the right doll, she has to find a good bargain and free shipping. Multiply that times gifts for five little girls. Add to that the time she is just browsing---window shopping on the internet. I believe that she hasn't set foot into a mall in years. That's just laziness, if you ask me!

Santa is dead!

Hello most humans and many others,

I know that you humans have this guy called Santa Claus for your Christmas celebrations. I need to give you some terrible news about him. Please try to remain calm. This is going to be sad for you guys.

From where I have been sitting on the dining room table, I can see out the front window. Well, I can see that in the yard across the street is Santa. However, he seems to have been mugged or something because he is hanging upside down by some kind of electrical cord. He can't possibly still be alive. I am so sorry that I am the one who had to bring you this terrible news, but I haven't heard a word about it on the news.

Stay brave, humans.

Regular Sunday

Hello most humans and many others,

Missy Linda and I are glad that it seems like a regular Sunday today and not still a holiday weekend. It's easier to get things done, she says, if it is a regular day. She is trying to get the last chapter written that she has to write for class for this semester. She will have more assignments, but the writing of a whole chapter for a workshop class is the hardest thing she has to do, she says. Well, I for one, have my doubts that it will change anything for me. I think that she will find a reason to hog the computer, as usual.

Missy Linda has one of those little $200 notebook computers that she uses most of the time these days. It is easier on the back, she says, because she can sit anywhere. Anyway, that is the computer that I use also. Anyway, this morning when I opened it, the key "2,@" was not there. As you can see, the little nub that remains will produce the desired number and symbol, but the key is missing. Missy Linda swears it was there when she closed it last night around 11:00 pm. Tio Kane or Mr. Nelson had better have some kind of a good explanation. That's all I have to say. This is just too weird for me.

Gun Show?

Hello most humans and many others,

Missy Linda told Tio Kane that there is a huge gun show and sale out at the fairgrounds this weekend. I don't know if she was teasing or not about whether they should go out there. Oh, my goodness! I hope that she is just trying to torture Tio Kane because I can't think of many things worse than if Missy Linda were to have a gun. Just imagine if she had ammunition! I know she likes to joke, but she can also be very impulsive.

We can be thankful this week if she is just kidding about the gun show, right? You can use that for your list of what to be thankful for if you need some more additions. Sometimes it is the little things!

Down to Earth

Hello most humans and many others,

It is the time of year to be thankful. Missy Linda and Tio Kane are kind of quiet today, and I hope that they are thinking of some of the things that they have to appreciate. They are somewhat sad right now, too. Yesterday afternoon one of Tio Kane's friends died. Missy Linda didn't know him, but it was such a shocking thing, she is sad that a young seemingly healthy guy had something like this happen.

After having a severe backache for awhile, which he was going to various doctors about, he was diagnosed last Friday with stage four cancer in his spine and other places. He had at least one MRI, and he had been sent to several different doctors, but no one caught it. That's one of the main reasons Missy Linda feels sad. He was doing what he should have been doing by trying to discover what the problem was. It was so advanced by last Friday, it's unbelievable that they couldn't find it
earlier. He died on Tuesday. That is just horrifying and sad.

Just be thankful for every minute you have, even if you aren't having the greatest time. You still have a chance to change things. Don't let petty things keep you from enjoying the company of family and friends. Try to find something to be thankful for every day, even if it's just something tiny like a great piece of pie or cake. Maybe your coffee was extra good this morning or the leaves covering your yard, that you will have to rake up later, are extra colorful. Find something to enjoy!

Seriously?

Hello most humans and many others,

Finally. It's the usual story about Missy Linda hogging the computer to do homework, and it's just now my turn. She thinks she can just use the appliances in this house to the exclusion of anyone else. Oh, well. I suppose that is true. However, just because she has a chapter of a book due for some class, no one else's problems matter to her. Oops. I suppose that is true, too. I just don't think that's right. Just because I don't have a job (or legs), I get pushed aside. I thought this was America!

By the way, if you need to find our house on Google Earth or in person, just look for the yard that is covered in leaves! It seems that so many neighbors have had to cut down the trees in their yards the last couple of years (high winds, lightening, etc.)that there are hardly any front yard trees on the street any more. At our house are two large maple trees that were pretty small when Missy Linda moved here. We seem to be the only one with a yard totally covered in leaves. The sidewalk is hard to see because of the leaf coverage. Missy Linda says at least the high winds should blow them into neighbors' yards, but that doesn't seem to be how it works. I hope she has lots of lawn and leaf bags ready to go!

By the way, tonight is the last Mind Games show of the semester. I can't tell you the outcome, but I will tell you that Tio Kane embarrasses himself. He does exactly what he counsels the other members of the team to not do. Anyway, it is on at 8:00 pm on station KSBI 52 (channel 7 on Cox.)

Don't Do This

Hello most humans and many others,

I just have to tell you all that I am still puzzled about Missy Linda and where she fits onto your human scale or whatever you all use to categorize people. Sometimes she does things that are so weird that I can't help but think that she should have someone to watch over her to make certain that she doesn't hurt herself. The things that cause me worry are not big incidents, but instead are small things that add up.

On her left hand's middle finger, the one that is crooked from falling at work and jamming it into a counter, there is a cut from the second knuckle to the first knuckle. It was caused by a sewing machine needle because she holds things too tightly when she sews and lets her hand get right next to the needle instead of relaxing her hand like she should. It also makes hers hands look like she has claws while she is doing it. So, okay, that's not bad for an accident, especially for this family. It's just that I've always heard that "it" always starts with small things.She can't afford to turn into someone like Mr. Nick, her son who nearly lived at various emergency rooms.

The stupidest thing she has done in the last couple of days, so far, is to try to grab something out of the clothes dryer while it was still running. Of course, the dryer should turn itself off when the door is opened, but the switch got stuck somehow, she said. She was hollering and yelling, but sadly that seldom helps a situation. Anyway, evidentally, when one sticks her arm into a running clothes dryer, it sort of grabs the arm and twists it. She was able to yank her arm out without any real damage, except for a bruise and sore place above her elbow, but I believe that she is just a bad accident waiting to happen!

Keep your eyes on the evening news shows to see what she does next because it is liable to be hilarious to everyone but her!

Sad but Thankful

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, we are pretty sad here at Missy Linda's house. We got news that Mr. Brett, Missy Elise, Missy Maitlyn, Missy Elspeth, and Missy Amelia will not be able to come to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving. Since last summer all of us had thought that they would be able to come and visit for a week or so around this time. They are not going to be able to make it. They will have to stay in Colorado.

We are trying to look for a bright side, though, so we are thinking of why we are thankful.
Here goes:

The whole family will not be killed at once in a thunderstorm/earthquake/flash flood.

There will be more pumpkin pie for Missy Linda.

Missy Linda won't have to clean the house.

Missy Linda won't have any excuse for not having her homework done.

Well, at least we're trying.

Alternate Universe?

Hello most humans and many others,

I heard Missy Linda and Tio Kane talk about how they think we must be in an alternate or, maybe, a parallel universe. They say we can't possibly be in our usual world. I'm not sure, but that sounds a little scary to me.

Missy Linda and Tio Kane talk about evidence that proves we are in a different world. First of all, there is the fact that OSU is ranked number 2 in the BCS poll. Then, there was last evening here in Oklahoma- - -first, there were tornadoes, big ones- - -then in the middle of huge thunderstorms with high winds, there was an earthquake. Now, there were huge thunder claps that shook the house around that time, but the earthquake's shaking comes from the bottom up, so it feels totally different. Missy Linda thinks its a weird sign when the meteorologists are laughing at the absurdity of it all- - -or maybe they know something we don't. Today, it is supposed to snow in western Oklahoma.

Help! Someone come get me who can take me to a normal world!

Mr. Nelson Isn't Laughing

Hello most humans and many others,

Poor Mr. Nelson. I think he is having a day of confusion. First, there was the earthquake last night. Of course, we have them near here all the time, but last night's was the biggest ever, and we felt it very clearly. That made him a little restless (as if he isn't always on guard.)

Then, this morning, no one is doing anything on time! When Missy Linda got up this morning, Tio Kane had been forced to get up already by Mr. Nelson so that Mr. Nelson could go outside, then inside, then outside...

I have heard Missy Linda yelling about the time changes twice a year, every year. She usually says something like, "Just pick a time and stick with it! It doesn't matter what time. Just don't change it!"

Hope as a Freeze

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, there is hopeful anticipation in the air here today. Missy Linda and Tio Kane are optimistic that the hard freeze of this morning will help eliminate some of those pesky allergens that drive them crazy this time of year. They are experienced enough to know that they will still have stuff that bothers them as there is always something, but they count it as a plus just to be able to cut back on the allergy medicine.

I am glad for the freeze because at least Missy Linda's eyes will not be all runny and maybe, not quite as puffy as they have been lately. The fall and spring allergies cause more bodily fluids to be dripping than just their usual reactions to molds and perfume and air and water.

My heart's desire is that if the weeds get killed, they won't have any excuse to stay home and inside and will be able to take me places. Also, I hope that they can cut back on the antihistamines that keep them sleepy and lethargic so we can have some fun. Wish me luck!

How Many Have There Been?

Hello most humans and many others,

Can any of you out there guess how many times I have written to you? Can you believe that this is the 601st time? I am having trouble wrapping my mind around that! I should have been paying more attention. I believe that I missed some opportunities for celebratory parties and new dresses. I am going to have to pay a lot more attention because it is obvious that Missy Linda is not going to help me when it comes to throwing parties and congratulating me. I think she may be a little jealous.

Well, I have to let her have the computer now as she has homework to do (She always says that.) I personally think that she uses that as an excuse to surf the net. If she did that much homework, she would surely be finished with school by now with a four point average. I think that she is jerking me around!

Are You Trick or Treating?

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, tomorrow is Halloween. What are your plans? Are you "many others" out there going to dress up or just be the "others" that you already are?

I'm guessing that since Missy Linda isn't working this year and doesn't have class that day, we won't get to dress up as something other than ourselves. Missy Linda likes to point out to me that I am already someone different and interesting. As usual, no fun here.

Maybe I will get to go see Missy Ryley and Missy Emma. Their whole family are going to be zombies. Missy Emma has been practicing her zombie walking. She is doing a good job. Tio Kane is going to help them all with their make-up.

In Colorado where Missy Maitlyn, Missy Elspeth, and Missy Amelia live, they might still have snow for Halloween. Last week it snowed about six inches there. It will probably be gone by Monday evening, though. They are going as a Russian girl (in traditional folk costume), a girl from the French Revolution era (a rich girl, not a poor one), and a panda. Missy Amelia says that as long as she is not dead, she will be an animal for Halloween! And that's that!

Happy Birthday, Pseudo Uncle!

Morning Glories

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, poor Missy Linda's sad little morning glories have finally started blooming in the last ten days or so. It was so hot this summer that even the morning sun was too hot, evidently. That doesn't even count the horrible drought. She did try to keep her sad little flowers and her magnolia tree watered. It appears that the little tree is still alive, too, but it was touch and go at times. The grass in the yard is almost non-existant though. Oh, it is green out there, but it's not actually grass. Sadly, it's mostly non-grass green plants- - -well, except for the crabgrass. That's grass, right?

Where Does Time Go?

Hello most humans and many others,

Oh, my goodness. I have been sleeping on my job, haven't I? I am going to go with the excuse that Missy Linda has the computer all the time. Since she has been in this class where she has to write part of a book, she is on here all the time. She has to read other books and write about them, also, so I just get completely left out---as usual.

I keep thinking that Missy Linda will take me to her class since I'm a writer, but so far, nothing. I could just sit quietly, as I always do, and I could learn a lot. As soon as I learn more about my past, I want to tell my story. You have to admit, I am a unique being with a unique story. Would you buy my book?

Snap To It!

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I don't know what happened the last couple of weeks that I didn't write. I am thinking that maybe life is so uneventful around here that I kind of fell into a stupor of boredom. I know that Missy Linda went over to babysit Missy Ryley and Missy Emma one evening, but I was not invited to go. That really burns my tortillas! I cannot even remember the last time I went someplace!

I did hear about a website that might make any one feel better about himself or herself. It's called People of Walmart. Taking a look at these "people" will give all of you humans a guideline of what not to do or wear in public- - -and sometimes not even at home!

Festival Fun

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I understand that a great time was had by Missy Ryley, Missy Emma, Missy Linda, and Tio Kane at the Asian Moon Festival last evening. Of course, I just get to hear second hand what happened because there was too much other stuff to carry for me to get to go. They had to carry a blanket for sitting on, all the things the girls made, plus all the stuff that was just given away to attendees. That leaves no hands available to tote my nearly weightless self just to sit fetchingly on the blanket. If you remember, I have an Asian outfit that I wore for Chinese New Year, so I would have fit into the spirit of the evening perfectly.

The girls made panda puppets and dragon puppets and fish lanterns. There was a fashion show, Ninja fighting demonstrations, singing, dancing, a dancing Panda, and lion dancers. It all sounds like I would have had a fabulous time! I hear that the girls want to go again next year so I guess I'll have to hope for then.

Something To Do, Someplace To Go

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I have a little hope of getting to do something tomorrow evening. Tio Kane, Missy Linda, Missy Ryley, Missy Emma, and maybe Missy Lesley are going to the Asian Moon Festival at UCO tomorrow evening. It's supposed to be pretty entertaining, and, hey, it's free. That's important to any event Missy Linda goes to until she gets a job.

This Asian Moon Festival is supposed to be geared toward the younger age groups, mostly. However there are some good hip hop dance contests, according to the videos from previous festivals. There will be goody bags and some free food. Missy Linda has tasted Moon Cakes before, and she says she will probably pass on those, even though they are very complicated and take a long time to make. According to some humans in the know, the dragon dances are some of the best around.

Wish me luck that I will get to go.

Over?

Hello most humans and many others,

Yay! I heard all the weather dudes and dudettes say that today will be the last over 100 degree day this year! I am beginning to feel like I could be safe from melting again. Oh, please, let it be true!

I can tell that it is beginning to get that time of year because Tio Kane's and Missy Linda's eyes are all runny and red. Evidently they have some kind of allergy particular to this time of year. Missy Linda has big ol' purple half circles under her eyes. They are not very flattering, I must say. If I were Missy Linda I would try to do something about that. She has definitely not found the way to get a handle on things yet - - - actually that's true of many things.

I guess about all you humans can do about these allergies (and I hear nearly all of you have these at this time of year) is to take antihistamines. The trouble with that is that you people are definitely no fun after taking those. You are just a bunch of what seem to be sleepyheads! There's not much chance of going anywhere or doing anything fabulous then. Get it together people!

Sunday, Sunday

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, here it is again - - - Sunday. I have seen on the news, more than once, that Sunday has its own kind of depression for many people. I think that might be true for Missy Linda and Tio Kane. Sometimes they are pretty mopey on that day of the week. At times there is a lot of extra sleeping, which seems totally silly to me.

It seems that the gloom comes from the dread of the coming week. For students, of course, it is homework or upcoming tests or projects which haven't been paid their due yet. I don't really know much about that stuff, but I do know that I am happy if Missy Linda takes a shower and puts on her face on Sunday. That's really all I need to be not depressed, but if we should go someplace and do something, then I am ecstatic.

Missy Linda says that today she is almost finished with her reading for class, so she is in good stead. I hope that lady calls who is supposed to have a job for Missy Linda. That would take care of the pall around here for today!

Sugarbaby?

Hello most humans and many others,

It is the week that school starts for Tio Kane and Missy Linda. I will be so relieved for them to be out of the house and my line of sight for awhile. I wish that they could afford to take more classes - - - more credits for them, more sanity for me!

I recently heard about a way that some young women are paying for their educations. I realize that most strippers and exotic dancers are just involved in those industries in order to pay their tuitions, but this idea seems to be slightly different. Evidently, there is a website which may or may not be called, "Sugarbabies." It has attractive young women searching for wealthy men who are willing to pay their educational expenses. Obviously, the men are called Sugardaddies. That's about all I know about it, but I am open to suggestions as to how I might be able to make this work for sad, not young, not svelte, possibly crazy Missy Linda. (I just put the "possibly" with crazy to be nice.)

Not a Good Idea

Hello most humans and many others,

As you know, I sit right where I see and hear everything that goes on in the the public rooms of the house. If the TV is on, I cannot avoid it. If Missy Linda and Tio Kane are talking, I am privy to the conversation, whether or not I want to be - - - usually I DO NOT want to know.

Well, this morning, I saw on the Today Show that older women are getting tattoes these days. I know of one older woman who has tattoes, but she is not someone that I would want Missy Linda to emulate. She is the wife of that Mr. who used to live here. I don't want Missy Linda to be anything like her! I know that Missy Linda has changed a lot in the last few years, but I don't want her to move in that direction! I think if Missy Linda started getting tattoes, especially big ones, it would be an ominous sign. What would be next? A motocycle gang? Another thought I had was; What if she wants to put tattoes on me? I would be helpless to stop her, and I would blow right off a motorcycle!

At least if she put tattoes on me, they would always look the same. Even if a woman is older when she gets them, her skin is still going to change significantly as she gets ancient. I don't even want to picture what that would look like! YUK! Missy Linda says she is going to live to be at least a hundred years old, and that would just be revolting to see a tattoo at that age, if she had gotten it when she was younger. Perhaps you humans should consider some laws about where on the body an older person can put tattoes. Do you want to see an eighty year old with a tramp stamp? (Of course, that brings up other issues as well.) If I don't have to see them, I don't care, but don't make me watch your freak show!

Can You Help Us?

Hello most humans and many others,

Since I cannot remember the last time that I got to go anyplace or do anything fabulous, I have had plenty of time to think. Believe me, there are enough hours to ponder every question that could ever be raised about any subject. Sadly, I have not been able to arrive at any answers to any problems that might make me famous or rich. Possibly the best idea I have come up with is that we, Missy Linda, Tio Kane, and I, should have a reality show of some kind. I truly believe that might be the only chance that Missy Linda has to make enough money to pay her living expenses.

I have not been able to think of a premise that could get them the attention that would be required. Even though she could definitely lose a few pounds, she is not heavy enough for those weight loss type shows. It is like her mother used to tell her, "You are not that ugly fat, you're just regular fat."

I suppose that Missy Linda could show the problems of a woman of a certain age dating. However, she would probably have to eventually find someone who would actually go on a date with her. I think you can see the problems inherent in that concept. I cannot think of anything that Missy Linda and Tio Kane could do that would be interesting to the viewing public, and I am concerned that this may be their only chance to make money to provide for me!

If you have any good ideas, please let me know. I am getting desperate!

A Day of Fun

Hello most humans and many others,

Yesterday, the little girls who live here in Edmond came over for the day. It is always a busy and fun day when they come over. Missy Ryley and Missy Emma will be starting school on Friday. Missy Emma will be in Pre-K, and Missy Ryley is in the first grade. Missy Linda is all sad because "her" little girls are growing up too fast.

It seems that Missy Ryley is one of the most in demand party guests in her circle. Her friend wanted to throw a last big soiree before school starts so she planned it for today so Missy Ryley could attend. (She had originally wanted to have it on Monday, but our girls were busy.) The friend is said to have responded, "It's just not a party unless Ryley Watkins is there." I think I would like to be Missy Ryley.

Anyway, we had a good time at Missy Linda's yesterday. We played with Mr. Nelson, and we all played with the Barbies. Missy Emma enjoys pretending that she is a waitress these days, so we ate at her restaurant. Missy Linda enjoyed showing a video to the girls of a variety show that had their parents as performers. Missy Emma even recognized at least one of her parents' friends who is now the mother of one of her friends. I guess some people don't change much as they get old.

Sorry humans, but I don't ever change at all!











1

Not As I Had Hoped

Hello most humans and many others,

As you may remember, I was looking forward to watching what I had hoped would be some very entertaining shows on television, especially until the weather cools down some. Yesterday, Missy Linda left the TV on while she wandered away to do no telling what, so I was able to see one of the shows I was anticipating. The program I got to watch was "Big Law: Deputy Butterbean." I had thought Bean (as some call him) had been a wrestler, but actually, he's a former boxer- - -evidentally a good one. The show is okay, but I had hoped it would be funnier- - -the kind of hilarious that they don't know they are being, but everyone else is laughing! I suppose that would be, "We are laughing at you, not with you."

I still have some hopes left for enjoying, "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?"

On Thursday, Missy Barb, Missy Carol, and Missy Linda had one of their parties. It is hard for me to remember the last time that I was included in one of their soirees. I guess it was all right this time, though, because Missy Linda's car air conditioner fan still had the dead thing in it on the way down there. This means that she had to drive without the coolness. I want no part of hot air or smell of dead animal blowing onto beautiful me! Pseudo Uncle took care of the problem while Missy Linda was there, though, so now the car is safe for me. Thank you, Pseudo Uncle!

I suppose I had better go and get started with another day that will probably be "Not As I Had Hoped!"

What Did She Do?

Hello most humans and many others,

This past weekend was kind of an eventful time in Edmond- - -for many people- - -not necessarily for Tortilla Keepers. However, some of the things that happened are just as well left to be experienced by others, as far as I'm concerned. One of the biggest things in this area was a huge fire that burned thirteen homes. It started on Thursday and flared up again later. It closed down I35 several times. It is so terrible for those people who lost their homes! I would never had made it through a big fire, so that sounds particularly scary for me.

I heard on the news that we also experienced a 2.0 earthquake in the area, which, of course, is smaller than the 2.7 that we had last week. I know we have them all the time, but still, that could be frightening for those of you who are not made of Styrofoam.

A really strange thing is that on Sunday, only right in Oklahoma City and very close by, it was only 87 degrees for the high! All the other places, even right next to us, were over 100 degrees, as usual. Missy Linda says it is probably because we finally got our air conditioner fixed on Sunday. She didn't care what it was doing outside, though. She was just delirious because it was cool inside! The other weird thing that happened weatherwise, was that we actually got a little rain. It really was a small amount, but it was actually rain.




I can't help but wonder what Missy Linda has done to cause these weird things to happen. I hear people talk about things like Karma, but I don't know much about those subjects. I just think that surely Missy Linda is involved when things get weird, don't you?

Glory! It Will Be Cool Today!

Hello most humans and many others,

Don't get excited! It's not going to be cool outside here in central Oklahoma- - -just inside our house! We have been without the downstairs air conditioner since sometime Tuesday. It's not that Missy Linda hasn't tried to get it fixed, it was just one of those things (says she)! Let me tell you, I have been worried about my personal safety in this horrific heat! High temperatures do not agree with my body elements.

Missy Linda (bless her heart) called our usual air conditioner dude on Wednesday morning. She called him because he usually comes within a couple of hours, and she has had no complaints with his work. She does worry about his working out in the extreme heat because he must weigh at least 350 pounds! Needless to say, he huffs and he puffs, and he sweats about a gallon of water per 5 minutes. One thing she does not like about him, though, is that when he is finished working, he walks straight past her to the kitchen table and collapses into a chair. He proceeds to expound on all sorts of topics, including, but not limited to, politics, what light bulbs to buy, how to kill an invasive tree, and how he never has dry clothes at any time when he is in Florida!

I believe that we have a new favorite air conditioner repair company now because former favorite never came this week even though he assured Missy Linda he would be here. He stopped returning calls, so, finally, Missy Linda decided he must have had a massive heart attack and died. "Not really his fault," she said, but she proceeded to call the new company. They charged the same amount as hefty guy had charged for the same problem, and they came on Sunday morning. There was no advice given except pertaining to the air conditioning system, and we were not concerned that we might have to call an ambulance or administer CPR!

We can return to our "normal" lives now! Oh, great!

Making Plans

Hello most humans and many others,

I am beginning to believe that it is not going to get any cooler- - -ever. I worry much more about the effects of heat on my body than I do cold. Cold is uncomfortable for me, but heat could melt me, I'm pretty sure, and it is supposed to be over a hundred degrees before noon today!

Taking into account these facts and my beliefs, I have begun to plan my life as if I am living on the surface of the sun- - -because that's what it's like these days here. Anyway, I will be staying inside out of the heat, and hope that the air-conditioner holds up. I will just loll around and watch television until the heat subsides, so I have been noting the previews of new show that are coming soon. I have made plans to watch some interesting shows.

One show that I misseed last night was "Heidi Fleiss: Prostitutes to Parrots." I hope they rerun that soon. I would hate to miss it. Some of the new series that I plan to watch are "Hillbilly Hand Fishing," (I assume this is similar to "Okie Noodling.") "Deputy Butterbean," (I think he was a wrestler, but I'm not positive.) "Bizarre ER," and "Sons of Guns." This is a show that portrays guys making all kinds of crazy fire power. That is my list so far, but I am not finished yet. I'll keep you advised when I have made more decisions on how to waste my time.

Young or Old?

Hello most humans and many others,

The other day I heard Missy Linda, Tio Kane, and some other people talking about age. Missy Linda said that she feels better now than she did in her thirties. A man just one year older than Missy Linda couldn't believe what she was saying. He thought maybe it is because Missy Linda doesn't have to care for children now. Tio Kane said that it is because that mister who used to live here, doesn't any more. The other man thought that was funny.

Missy Linda thought about the conversation later, and she has decided that what she had said is true. Maybe not for only the reason that Tio Kane suggested, although that is probably a factor - - - like we care one way or the other. She says that even though she still has headaches, she doesn't have nearly as many as she did back then. She is sure that she gets more sleep now and eats more healthfully, which is going to help, for sure.

I think she figures that if she didn't have a bad knee and if she got more exercise, she would be pretty well ready for the next twenty-five years. And to that I would say, "Please, let her give me to someone else before twenty-five years passes! "

What is a Good Day?

Hello most humans and many others,

I was just thinking as I was watching Missy Linda let Mr. Nelson in and out to chase a certain squirrel with a dark oval on his bushy tail. He is easily identifiable as the main nemesis of Mr. Nelson this season. He may have been born just this year because he is not very big, and he is very athletic, brash, and sassy. He seems to delight in teasing Mr. Nelson from the safety of the tree branches. Anyway, I was wondering what it is that makes for a good day for any given individual (humans, animals, and others).

As I have said, Mr. Nelson likes to chase squirrels, check his tree mail as many times as he can, get several treats, play hide and seek or chase, and get some bites of people food. If several of those things happen in a day, he has had a good one.

I am not as sure about what makes a good day for Missy Linda or Tio Kane. I am beginning to think that one day they might say one thing and another day say it's something entirely different. Surely there are those few ordinary things that make a person feel satisfied or content that day. I know that sometimes Missy Linda REALLY enjoys her coffee first thing in the morning, but some days, it doesn't seem to matter. There are times that hearing a certain song can make her start singing along and seem very happy. I have observed that a phone call or something in the mail can make her ecstatic or forlorn. I have learned that these forms of communication can bring great news or bad news, and sometimes can change the tone of a day or a longer time.

I guess I would just say to find a couple of things every day that make you feel good- - -for a minute or for a long time. If you look for such things, surely you can come up with at least two a day, even if you are not in a very good place right then.

Summertime Cabin Fever

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I think the heat and staying indoors is making Missy Linda and Tio Kane a little sick of each other. The other day, Tio Kane sent Missy Linda a picture of CeeLo Green's belly. If you don't know who that is, find out, and you will know why that is disturbing! Missy Linda loves Ceelo's singing, but she says she could have gone the rest of her life without seeing another man's fat, tattoed belly. I think I will vote for that.

It seems that Missy Linda doesn't go anywhere except the grocery store, and when she gets back from there, I have to listen to her ranting about how everything has gone up in price since the last time she was there. Sometimes, if she is really annoyed, she will name a bunch of the products and tell the old price and the new price. You know what, I don't care! I don't eat, and unless she is bringing something for me, I'm just not going to get involved.

I am just hanging in there until it cools down a little so they will get out of the house- - -or better yet, until they each get a job!

How Long Is It Now?

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I thought it might be cooler by now, but, obviously, I was wrong. I just heard that it won't be under a hundred degrees for more than another week! I must mention that Missy Linda is beginning (!) to get slightly (!) cranky. If you know her personally, you know what I am talking about.

I don't know what to do with her. I think that maybe I should live with a human who is easier to understand. If any of you have any ideas to help me control her better, please, let me know. I am open to any suggestions.

One of the problems, obviously, is that she could easily grab me up and slam me into a shopping bag or a trash can- - -head first!!! On the other hand, I am not able to intimidate her with threats of the same treatment, so I must use my tiny empty plastic head to outwit her somehow! I actually think I could pull it off with the right plan!

N

Big Trouble in Little Nelsonville

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I believe that it might be a long day for Mr. Nelson and Missy Linda. Today is trash day, and that gets Mr. Nelson hepped up enough because he gets to go out front to help put out the trash with Tio Kane and then take out the recycling with Missy Linda. Also, he feels he MUST check his "tree mail" at least five times an hour.

For some reason, known only to them, they (Missy Linda and Mr. Nelson) seem to be getting more annoyed with each other than usual. Mr. Nelson has been barking very sharply at Mr. Mushu this morning, and Missy Linda doesn't like that AT ALL. Missy Linda says that sharp, high-pitched yelping cuts through her brain like a machete. (That explains a lot, right?) Also, yesterday morning, Missy Linda let Mr. Nelson out front to chase a squirrel---at least, that's what she thought he wanted to do. Well, he had seen a neighbor's huge puppy (looks like a Husky, but taller) in our front yard, so he immediately took out after the dog in the dog's own front yard. Mr. Nelson would not stop lunging at the puppy or listen or mind Missy Linda. She said that he was so lucky that it was a puppy that Mr. Nelson was after or he would have been beaten to a pulp or eaten alive!

I think that he is still grounded, and that makes it miserable for those of us who have to listen to Mr. Nelson and Missy Linda argue!

How Many Years Has It Been?

Hello most humans and many others,

How long has it been over a hundred degrees now? I'm not good with time, but it seems like it has been at least a couple of years by now!

I usually feel that it is to my advantage that I don't have the sense of time that humans have because I never know for sure how long it has been since I got a new dress. Also, I am not for sure how long it has been since I got to go someplace since I don't keep track like humans do.

I am guessing that it has been a long time since the heat locked down on this place. I don't know if it has been years, but it certainly seems like it. I heard the weather dude say that it would be here at least a couple more weeks. I am not interested in trying to go someplace or do anything special in this heat because we all know that Missy Linda is not very concientious about getting me out of the car. I can take freezing better than melting!

One thing I do wonder is: Can't you humans do something about this?!!!

Am I in Hell?

Hello most humans and many others,

I don't understand everything that you humans believe or think or do. I have always admitted to that. I have heard by listening to television and hearing humans talk about this place that is made of fire and brimstone. The thing is- - -I am wondering if that is where I am!

I understand that people who are not nice go to this place, although I am not quite sure what that means. I have heard conversations about global warming and other scary sounding talk. I am privy to a lot of yammering about subjects that I do not comprehend. Sometimes I wish I couldn't hear you humans all the time. It causes me to worry about strange things.

Anyway, I am wondering if I am in this place called hell because of how hot it is here all the time. I overheard on television that it has been over a hundred degrees for something like sixteen or seventeen days, and I heard Missy Linda belly aching about seeing the prediction that it will be that hot for at least the next week- - -even though she says it is too hot to even complain!

I don't actually know for sure how much one hundred degrees is, but I do know that if it gets any hotter, I am liable to melt- - -or at least get squishy!!!

Cloudy with No Chance of Sunshine

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I've got to say that Missy Linda's moping around is starting to get to me. If I had legs, I would walk up to her and slap her into next week! Not only is she still whining about not getting to see the girls from Colorado for very long, she is furious with that Mr. who used to live here. It seems that he is supposed to send her a certain amount of money each month, but he isn't doing a very good job of it. You should see Missy Linda after she has received an email from him! I fully expect smoke to shoot out of her ears sometime soon- - -you know, like in cartoons.

In addition to those things, she still hasn't found a new job. I don't know what she expects- - -Remember how long it took her to get that job at the fabric store? I think that she is a little lacking in the marketable skills department. If she doesn't find something soon, though, you guys might want to stay tuned to the local news. I believe that the police would never think of me as a suspect in the murder of Missy Linda!

Muddy Footprints

Hello most humans and many others,

Finally! Missy Linda is so happy it is raining that she is glad to mop up the muddy footprints as much as necessary today. She says that if it would rain more, she would be glad to mop muddy footprints for at least a week.

Since it is almost pleasant outside today, the live squirrels are out and about and busy. That keeps Mr. Nelson busy. It has been so hot lately that he has been a little less than enthusiastic about his hobbies.

If you notice that I used the term, live squirrels, in the above reference, you are very attentive. Missy Linda has had this thing about a video involving a dead squirrel lately. I think that she could watch it five times a day, every day, and still laugh hysterically. She is driving me crazy! If you want a great laugh, according to her, just go to You Tube and search for "little girl with dead squirrel." Missy Linda says it will be worth your time. (!)

Dreaming is Free

Hello most humans and many others,

I have to confess that I stole, "Dreaming is Free" from a song by Blondie. Did you know that Blondie is actually older than Missy Linda? Maybe that's one reason that Missy Linda plays her songs. As you know, I have no control over what music I hear because I am at Missy Linda's mercy since I have no legs or feet, and she is not a particularly merciful person as far as I can tell.

Anyway, someone was asking the girls what they want to be when they are older, and that made me think about how they have no doubts about what they can achieve. Sometimes that is a good thing. Missy Emma wants to be a waitress, a hairdresser, and a rock star. Missy Ryley would like to be in a show choir, and Missy Maitlyn wants to be a camp counselor. I believe Missy Amelia said she hopes to be a mommy, but I didn't hear what Missy Elspeth said.

I think that it is probably a good thing for you humans to have dreams, but it's not sensible to count on their coming true. Some people get to have the job or life that they always envisioned for themselves, but sometimes circumstances or the people themselves cause potholes in their own roads to success. Also, I've noticed that some of you goofy humans think that dreams come true without any effort. People, that's not very likely. Wake up, and get busy! That includes you, Missy Linda!

Also, It's too Quiet

Hello most humans and many others,

One thing about normalcy around here is that it seems too quiet after the girls have been here. They were here for two days and breakfast. We have all been pretty down in the dumps, partly because we saw them for such a short time and partly because they are gone now. Missy Linda is a big ol' lump of sad and so is Mr. Nelson. I hope she snaps out of it soon! I am getting tired of her moodiness.

I do not know if you noticed, but I haven't had a Bastille Day party for the past two years! Something must be done around here, and Missy Linda is not getting it done even a little bit.

Time for Normalcy

Hello most humans and many others,

I am ready for things to get back to normal around here. Well, I would like my life to be somewhat better than what is actually typical at this house, but it would be pleasant to get out of what have been been several less than perfect days.

It was exceedingly happy around here when the air-conditioner was repaired, but then that problem was replaced by an unusual problem with the car. It seems that some kind of a being took up residence in the fan box of the car air-conditioner of Missy Linda's car. When Tio Kane was driving the car down the freeway, because the battery in his car was dead, the aforementioned being fell into the fan making a really loud thump, thump, thump! By the next day, when Tio Kane started up Missy Linda's car to jump his battery, the stench had taken hold! Missy Linda called the car repair place to inquire about whether that particular problem could be eradicated. After he stopped laughing, Mr. Geoffrey said that it could be done. We don't think it's amusing, even a little bit!

An Oxford Comma

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I have to tell you that I am getting some pretty good free entertainment around here right now. It's a good thing because you know that I don't get any other joy, especially if it is not free and not in this house!

Missy Linda likes to fancy herself a grammarian, as you may know. It is just one of those things that she has latched onto because her life has no other purpose, I think. I will admit that she is an English major, but that doesn't necessarily make her an expert.

Have you all heard of the band, Vampire Weekend? Well, they can't actually sing very well, but they have a song that Missy Linda likes and plays a lot. One of the first lines is, "Who gives a #%@* about an Oxford comma?" Well, I can tell you that Missy Linda does! Sometimes she yells that above the music! Also, there's something about changing the spelling of words. You should see the fire in her eyes! I can heardly breathe, I'm laughing so hard!

Right now there are these commercials playing about Hondas that almost send her over the edge. The company's new phrase for selling the Civic is, "To Each Their Own." I do worry a little about her having a stroke she gets so upset. Then, to top it off, Tio Kane told her that there is some kind of movement to make "their" correct for singular or plural use. Oh, my gosh, you should have been here! She was too funny to even describe!

Weird Hair

Hello most humans and many others,

I am doing some research on human hair. Perhaps you humans can provide some assistance. I understand that you humans have hair that grows; then you get it cut; then it grows back. Personally, I don't have that kind of hair cycles. My hair is long and curly and luxurious all the time. I can wear it up or down. That is the only decision with which I am faced.

Missy Linda seems to have all kinds of stupid, insignificant problems with her hair. Get this: She says that some days her hair is curly, and some days it is not curly. I know some women straighten theirs with those hot straightening tools, but she seems to think her problem is unique. Missy Linda seems to think her dilemmas are unusual and special. I think they are just boring!

I have also noticed that the color of Missy Linda's hair changes. I am pretty sure that she does that to herself! Sometimes it's kind of the color they call "strawberry blond," and then after a while, it seems to turn kind of yellow with dark and gray stripes down next to her head. At that point, she runs around the house for awhile smelling like I don't even know what with a plastic bag thing on her head. Then she has "strawberry blond" hair again! I think that perhaps she needs to be taken to a quiet place "for her own good." I should get to work on that.

Here We Go Again

Hello most humans and many others,

I am sorry to report that we (the beings who live at this address) are in for a stretch of whining and carrying-on and general bad moodiness for what might be a long time. Missy Linda is looking for a job again! She was always on the look-out for something better while working at the fabric store, but now, she absolutely has to find something. And this time it HAS to be full time. A part time wage doesn't really make much of a dent in a house payment, she says.

Since Missy Linda has a painful knee (she says) and since she is having some complications from some previous surgeries (she says), there is a need for a job that will allow her to sit down part of the time (she says). Again, I personally feel that she is just being lazy. I have a theory that she enjoys making my life miserable by refusing to buy me the things that I need- - -like spa days and new dresses and exciting trips. I sometimes wonder if she is just pretending to be without funds. If I ever find out that she is pulling my leg (not literally, of course, since I don't have legs), she will have a lot of stuff to make up for! And I will definitely make her pay!

Impromptu Party

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, last evening Missy Ryley had an impromptu family birthday party at a park in Edmond. When she was playing at a park recently, she saw some people cooking out on the built-in charcoal grills there. She thought that looked like grand fun. It sounds like grand fun to me, and I am older than six! Sadly, I was left home alone except for Mr. Mushu because even Mr. Nelson got to go.

Mr. Nelson must have had a fabulous time because he went straight to bed when they got home. Tio Kane just kept telling him what a good boy he had been at the park. I do know that Mr. Nelson had Cheetos and a hot dog- - -some of his favorite things. I also know that Missy Ryley and Missy Emma love to walk with Mr. Nelson. I am totally certain that they all had a fabulous time- - -without me!

Exhaustion!

Hi there most humans and many others,

Poor Mr. Nelson! He is totally exhausted from the storms! He is already taking his morning nap after being kept up by the thunder. He is a total wreck. Poor baby. Last week when the storms were still around the next morning, he was very disappointed. Tio Kane said Mr. Nelson had slept on his bed all night.

Missy Linda was saying that at least we got some rain. I kind of wonder if rain is worth it if your house is gone the next morning from the tornadoes! Maybe that's just me.

The Critters are Active

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, Mr. Nelson has been trying to tell us that things are going on in the yard at night. It's not that we don't believe him; it's just that he just cannot keep his voice down when he is excited. Missy Linda made this rule about being quiet outside after 10:00 pm. She wants to be a good neighbor, she says. I sometimes wonder if her rules are because of neighborly courtesy. I personally feel that it is so that she can watch The Daily Show in peace.

Anyway, yesterday morning, the bird feeder was on the ground, and the chain that normally holds it was broken. Missy Linda thinks that it must be the giant raccoons again. We haven't actually seen them, but they are the only critters that we know for sure live around here that can break the chains on things. Mr. Nelson thinks that if she would just allow him outside, he could take care of any interlopers- - -except the little terrier next door who steals his toys!

Checking His Tree Mail

Hello most humans and many others,

Mr. Nelson has discovered that there are occasionally squirrels who visit the trees in the front yard, not to mention other kinds of animals who could be lurking about! They don't actually live there, but Mr. Nelson feels they should not be just climbing trees and hanging around in just anyone's yard. He has a strong sense of boundaries---mostly for other entities, not so much for himself.

He has become so annoying about the trees in the front yard that he drives everyone crazy until someone lets him go out to check his tree mail in the front yard several times a day. He is not allowed to just go out there to run around like a crazy dog as that's against the law, and Missy Linda says she can't afford to bail him out of dog jail. (I know she would find a way to do it, if it came to that, though). He has to have someone watching him from the door or go outside with him.

It's hard for the humans to stay annoyed at Mr. Nelson. After all, how many times a day do they have to check their emails?

Spring for Mr. Nelson

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, Mr. Nelson got a spring haircut the other day. (I tried to say that in a calm way so none of you would be alarmed). Poor Mr. Nelson! (That IS alarm)!It is so sad that his groomer is Missy Linda. She is not trained to do this---which is obvious when one sees him. Tio Kane asked Missy Linda if she was trying to make him look like a hedgehog---a round body on stick legs!

It all started one recent afternoon when Missy Linda finally started trying to get out the mats and fur that is shedding from underneath his hair. He is weird in that his fur never comes off by itself. Missy Linda said with Missy Button and Mr. Puck, there would be clumps of fur everywhere, but that's not how it is with Mr. Nelson. His fur kind of lets loose from his skin, or it just loosens, and then just stays there. It is hard to get it combed on out. Add to that the fact that Mr. Nelson HATES to be brushed and runs away to hide when he even sees a brush, and the problems become obvious.

So anyway, things got out of hand (which is fairly routine when Missy Linda is involved), and, now, Mr. Nelson does look a lot like a hedgehog if viewed from the side or back. He looks kind of all right (!) if seen straight on from the exact front!

I think Mr. Nelson is going to have a long couple of weeks until his "coif" grows out some. And, sadly, he is still subjected to brushing episodes in order to get out the rest of the fur, but he is taking things somewhat better-----Hey, look! A squirrel!

Nearly One Month

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, here is an example of how hard it is for me to get computer time for writing to you all: Missy Viktoria Sharon Ledgerwood was born nearly a month ago, and this is the first time I've said, "Welcome to the world. Missy Viktoria! We are glad you are here."

She was born on March 26, to Missy Danka and Mr. Ron Ledgerwood in Guam. We know that they are over the moon happy (and a little delirious from sleep deprivation)!

I think that a little girl who gets to live on a tropical island should have a pretty darn good time, don't you?

Quiet

Hello most humans and many others,

It has been eerily quiet around here for the last few days. It is getting near the end of the school year for Missy Linda and Tio Kane, and they have had their big papers due. I think that Tio Kane's most important one is due sometime today because he has been on the computer for a few days, and he told Missy Linda that she is not allowed to say one word to him when he is at the computer. I will guarantee you that is a nearly impossible feat for her! So far she seems to be complying though. Maybe she should get a little prize or something.

It might be easier for Missy Linda to actually keep quiet these days because she seems to be slightly worn down. The new manager has arrived at the store, and that means quite a few changes for her. For one thing, she is working more hours, but they still don't allow her to be full time. There is a lot of drama going on between the other supervisor and the new manager, which wears on everyone. Missy Linda says she is definitely looking for a better job, so if any of you all know of anything. . .

Deteriorating

Hello most humans and many others,

Please help me to get out of here somehow! Missy Linda is going absolutely bonkers- - -and she wants to take all of us with her! From what I see on television, I think it's really good that she doesn't have guns.

Evidently, things are not good at her job these days. I'm not sure exactly what she means, but she says, "Conditions are deteriorating in the gulag."

As it turns out, she may have a point this time. All of a sudden, her boss is taking early retirement after thirty-six years with the company. He says, "One bad apple can spoil the whole bunch."

The bad apple is the new district manager who arrived last fall, I believe. In addition to Missy Linda's boss, two other store managers in OKC have suddenly quit. Missy Linda says she thinks that can't be coincidence- - -three at once!

Perhaps you should keep an eye on the news for awhile to make sure she hasn't done something worthy of BREAKING NEWS!

Softball Season

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, it seems that in the human sports area for children, it is now softball and baseball season. Missy Ryley has had two softball T-ball games so far. Her team is called the Green Machine- - -whatever that means. Even Tio Kane went to her game last night. Missy Linda was glad she was able to get off work to go also. Missy Linda was upset because last year, she was able to go to only one game. This year she is hoping to go to a lot of them.

I heard that Missy Ryley looked super cute in her catcher's get-up- - -except that you can't really see her with all that gear! She is great at stepping up to home plate to take care of business. I hope I get to see her play sometime, but Missy Linda says I probably can't dress properly to attend a ball game, but I know that is just an excuse!

Dodging a Bullet

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I am lucky to be able to talk to you all today! It has been a circus around here lately. (What else is new?)

Missy Linda has been unhappy with her job, squared. (Again, what else is new?) She said that she almost quit yesterday, but that she realized she needed to wait until she has an alternate job. Whew! That was close! Even though she makes a piddly paddly amount of money, I am even less likely to get any new dresses or get to go any place if she is not working!

I don't really understand her problems about her job except the part about not getting paid much. It seems that the other day she asked her boss to let her off on Thursday nights so that she could go to Missy Ryley's softball games. She says her "punishment" is that she has to work two days instead of one, except that it is only three or four hours at a time.

You should have seen her throwing a fit when she was telling Tio Kane about how she has to call the district manager at the end of each shift and tell him how many of certain things they have sold! Then he asks why she thinks that they didn't sell more and what she can do to sell more. Things like that seem to send Missy Linda into some kind of a colossal snit that I can't even describe! I can only hope that she does not act at work like she acts at home.

Excuses, Excuses!

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, it seems that right now is what Tio Kane and Missy Linda call mid-terms, so that is the excuse they are giving me for no computer time this week. They say they have "papers due,"and they have to do "research." I don't really know enough about college to refute their claims, but I still think they just use some of that "work" for an excuse to hog the computer. They aren't fooling me for a minute!

When Missy Linda is at work, Tio Kane takes over. He even reads newspapers and magazines online! I thought I was a part of this family, too. . .at least, that's what they tell me to keep me quiet. I am on to their tricks; I just haven't figured out what to do about it.

I have heard that next week is spring break. Missy Linda has already informed me that she has a take home test due the Monday after that, and a term paper due in short order. I know that she doesn't work on assignments until the last minute: she is not fooling me!

Reality

Hello most humans and many others,

I can tell everyone that I am officially tired of listening to Charlie Sheen's rants. They seem to be on every channel all the time. Missy Linda and Tio Kane each have on lots of news shows all the time. Even if they aren't actually watching the TV, it is on, and I can't get away from it (no legs or feet, remember?). I would have hoped that there would be more real news ON THE NEWS!

I think craziness is seeping through the TV sometimes, and Missy Linda is catching it. That's the last thing we need around this house, believe me! Here's what I have to witness around here: For pajamas, Missy Linda wears Tshirts that are too stained or ripped or too nearly worn out to be seen by anyone (and they shouldn't be seen by me, for sure!). Add to these, some pajama pants of various prints. The patterns on the pants have no relationship of any kind to the colors or patterns of the tops. Also, most of the pants are that length that looks so stupid, halfway between the knees and ankles. Then add to the vision that the pants are huge! Sometimes she also wears black socks- - -just like some old geezer with his sandles.

One day when Missy Linda looked particularly disturbing- - -or disturbed, she went up to Tio Kane, who was innocently eating his cereal, and she said, "Kane, I can't imagine why anyone could possibly leave this, can you?" Tio Kane spit milk all over the newspaper!

Not a Good Listener

Hello most humans and many others,

It seems that I have become Missy Linda's confidante. This is a job that I do not want and did not ask for. However, since I cannot just walk away, I am forced to listen while she talks and talks and talks. She seems to work out her problems out loud, and I am forced to be a party to the whole process.

Right now, she is driving me crazy about things that are happening at work. Since she is now a supervisor, she can't decide if she needs to talk to the boss about a certain other supervisor's behavior. Some of the other employees want Missy Linda to speak to the boss on their behalf as well as for herself. Everyone who works with this person has to work extra hard to take up the slack she causes. It gets overwhelming after a while. No one has the energy to do another persons's work as well as her own. "No one at that place gets paid enough to do that," Missy Linda whines.

I just want to be left out of her paltry little human problems! I am too furiouw that I was not allowed to have an Oscar party this year!

Rain, Rain, Don't Go Away

Hello most humans and many others,

I guess Missy Linda wasn't paying attention to the weather dudes and gals. She says she knew it was going to rain, but she didn't expect this much. She is glad, glad, glad that it finally did happen though, and that it's more than she expected. We needed it and much more.

Mr. Nelson was surprised and very unhappy though. He is hiding upstairs because it has been thundering. He did go outside to potty during a break in the noise and when the rain wasn't coming down hard. He doesn't mind getting wet because it doesn't get down to his skin. Missy Linda gets annoyed because he can't help but get things in the house wet. He does stop as soon as he gets inside to get dried off some, but doesn't like for it to take too long.

There is still going to be a battle with the mud on his feet, though, even if he stops to get his feet wiped. He runs back and forth by the back fence so much that he has literally worn ruts. It looks like a track used for biking or racing of some kind, Missy Linda says. It is going to be hard to get any grass to grow back there this spring because it has, so far, been impossible to keep Mr. Nelson away from anywhere in the yard that he wants to be. Last summer, he pretty much killed Missy Linda's sad attempt at a flower bed because that's where he wanted to play. I guess Mr. Nelson is more important than grass.

Getting Sensitive

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I finally got a turn at the computer! Missy Linda and Tio Kane have been hogging it lately. They say they have papers due for classes- - -like that's important.

Missy Linda is not in any mood to discuss things with me right now- - -the usual thing around here, it seems to me. She is getting all sensitive these days- - -again, nothing new. This time it is about her leg and foot. (!)

It seems that an increasing number of people at the store, ask Missy Linda about either her foot or her knee. They say something like, "Doesn't your foot or knee hurt because it is crooked like that?" Missy Linda has been aware for most of her life that her knee was crooked causing her to be knock kneed. She had problems with her ankles when she played basketball, possibly because her crooked knee caused her ankle to turn to the inside.

She says she had noticed a grinding noise that her knee has been making for a few years. Sometimes when she would play with the girls down on the floor, it would pop out of place, and she would have to pop it back with a little yell. She never had to answer for it to other people, though.

Although she realizes it is obvious, she is sometimes surprised that so many people seem so willing to tell her what to do about it. There's a coworker who tells her that herbs would help, and another coworker whose dad is a physician who tells her several things that she should do to help. Still another girl at work sing the praises of the chiropractor. The other day, a customer slipped her a note with the name of an orthopedic surgeon.

She says that she is beginning to feel weird about the whole thing. It's not enough that her knee hurts, she whines, she is getting paranoid about people watching her all the time! She says she is not comfortable beinga spectacle. I find that hard to believe, knowing some of the things she does sometimes!

Wild Things Are Stirring

Hello most humans and many others,

According to Mr. Nelson, things are stirring in the evening out behind the fence. If he is not barking too much, he is allowed to stay out there until ten o'clock or so to keep guarding the yard. If he cannot shut up, he has to take breaks inside while he reconsiders being so loud. We have very nice neighbors who have dogs, but Missy Linda doesn't want to push it, she says.

Missy Linda says getting a Sheltie to be quiet is like---well, it's not like anything because she can't get him to hush if he feels he just has to bark about something. Sometimes Tio Kane can get him quiet for a few minutes, but not always. If Mr. Nelson gets scolded by Tio Kane, he goes to Missy Linda, and gives her the sad eyes, and gives her a big hug. Of course, she pets him and hugs him, and he's off again!

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I hear that the weather is supposed to be springish this week. I suppose that you humans are mostly happy about that. I am not affected as much as you all. Missy Linda said that yesterday at work, people were sneezing all over the place. She hopes it was just allergy juice and not germ laden phlegm flying all over the place!

People were saying it was probably just the weather changes causing the problems. And let's face it, around here, that is all the time! There were a couple of warmish days after the big blizzard before this last storm. Now, after being thoroughly blanketed with snow on Wednesday and many schools still out of session as late as Friday, it might be seventy degrees today. Missy Linda says that definite seasonal normalities might be nice sometimes.

On the other hand, I look at it like this: If a person is tired of her winter wardrobe, a few days like today come along, and she can wear completely different kinds of clothes. I try to look at things like this in a positive fashion light because my main goal is getting new dresses! You humans should try to have a positive attitude like mine!

Armed Rooster Kills Man

Hi there most humans and many others,

I suppose that you are wondering why in the world I would have a title like that today, huh? Well, I don't completely understand it, but I thought that Missy Linda was going to come unglued at the seams this morning when she saw this on a crawl while watching some news. It seemed like a really sad thing to have happened to me. I don't think she felt sad about it at all, judging from her reaction, which was laughing so hard that I was worried about her.

After she had somewhat recovered her senses (?), she called Mr. Nick at work to tell him about it. Then the laughter started again. I guess he was laughing, too, but I'm not sure.

When I heard the whole story, I discovered that Missy Linda wasn't quite the unfeeling woman that I had assumed- - -although, I wouldn't call her a truly sympathetic person. Anyway, it seems that Mr. Nick was put into his place, in this case, back into his car, by a free ranging guard rooster. He arrived at someone's home, with an actual appointment, but they weren't home yet. He said that out of nowhere this big ol' rooster came after him! He used his brief case to shield himself while he scurried back into his car. He cowered there until the people came home and escorted him inside.

Well, OK, then. Now, I get it a little.

Back to School

Hey there most humans and many others,

Well, I am glad that Missy Linda goes back to school today, and she is scheduled to work tomorrow evening. Then, they are saying, the blizzard machine is going to crank up again. I saw this morning on the weather that we are expecting 4 to 10 inches with high winds again. Even though most schools are open, Missy Linda says she can't believe how many schools are still closed from last weeks' blizzard.

I heard Missy Linda say that she is getting her groceries and stuff today after class, and she is hoping it is not as much a nightmare as it was last Monday. At least there is another day this week before it hits. That also means that Missy might get to work more hours this week. Her store was closed last Tuesday, then they closed early for a few days. Missy Linda didn't work much last week.

I would have to say that even though I don't get to go with them, I am glad that she and Tio Kane will be getting back to their usual schedules for a couple of days. I'm kind of sick of them.

Thawing

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, finally! The temperatures finally rose above freezing yesterday, and that should continue today. Around here, one of the main things that means is MDF (Muddy Doggy Footprints.) Mr. Nelson has quite enjoyed the snow, and there's plenty of that still around, but he definitely likes snow plus mud even more!

One problem with Mr. Nelson is that he insists on playing in what were once intended to be flower beds. They are next to the fences, and one of his hobbies is poking his nose, literally and figuratively, into whatever is going on in the neighbors' yards. There are three dogs each in the yards on either side of us. One little terrier who moved in recently is just as nosy as Mr. Nelson. He even escapes into our yard sometimes. I think that he wants to play, but Mr. Nelson will have none of it.

What Mr. Nelson really wants is to run around in the snow and mud and bark and then run inside to tell us what all is going on out there. The only problem is that by the time he is ready to come inside, he is covered in mud. He is so happy about being wet and muddy, he is hard to catch to wipe off his feet when he runs inside. There will need to be a lot of mopping today---which doesn't necessarily mean it will happen.

Cabin Fever?

Hello frozen humans and many others,

Have you all who might happen to live in this area got cabin fever yet? I heard Tio Kane and Missy Linda talking about it yesterday. They don't seem to be bothered by it, but they have heard other people are. I think that they could just stay here in the house forever and not have any problems (that they would be aware of!) Either of them could be that person about whom the "friend" who is being interviewed on the news would say, "He/She was a good neighbor, never causing any trouble, always staying to himself/herself."

The schools around here have been closed since Tuesday, and Missy Linda's work days were canceled. One day was Tuesday, as you know, then last night the store closed early. The university is actually in session today, but neither student here has class on Fridays. Missy Linda doesn't have to work again until tomorrow.

I certainly don't have any change in my life because of the weather- - -except what I see out the window from where I sit. Speaking of what I see- - -I see that it is snowing again!

The Arrival

Greetings most humans and many others,

Well, the blizzard slammed into us in the wee hours of the morning, as predicted. We got 12 inches of snow right here, and east of here they got up to 20 inches. The punishing winds with the thundersnow and the especially cold temperatures all add up to a humdinger of a storm.

It has not been bothersome for me, particularly since I don't go out with Missy Linda in bad weather. It didn't even bother Missy Linda because her boss called early this morning to say that the store would be closed today. She was glad he decided because that way she didn't have to call the district manager to say she wasn't going to open the store. The boss said he made his decision when he went out to his driveway, and he couldn't see the house across the street.

It doesn't seem to bother Missy Linda and Tio Kane to be locked in the house for a few days or even a lot of days. They are all stocked up on pop and milk and the other essentials to last a while- - -most importantly dog and cat food. Mr. Nelson does not like the extreme temps, but he does enjoy the snow. When it gets a little warmer in a few days, he will be able to play outside longer than two minutes at a time at five minute intervals!

I'll keep you updated.

On Its Way

Hello most humans and many others,

It has been an uneventful week around here, as usual. Missy Linda went to work and school, and I sat on the counter. That uneventful part might be changing soon.

There is a huge blizzard on its way tonight and tomorrow. It is suposed to be similar to the Christmas Eve Blizzard of '09. The interesting part of this one is that Missy Linda has to open the store tomorrow. She has to get there early, too, to make the run to the bank, among other jobs. She is not looking forward to the nervous tension of driving in such bad weather. I know that I wouldn't get into the car with her. I don't need to tell you why again.

I hear Missy Linda discussing issues with herself so I know that she is seriously engaged in forcing herself to do this tomorrow. While she likes her actual duties at work along with the people that she meets, she wonders if this job is actually worth crashing her car or getting hurt. She doesn't make enough money to pay for either, and she owes nothing on her car. The last thing she needs is a car payment, and her car insurance just went up without any claims--- so no telling what would happen if she had an accident! She is wondering; is it worth it?

New Words

Hello there most humans and many others,

I got a question from a lovely reader who wanted to know about a word that I have used in my blog before. I would like to thank her for wanting to find out more. Any of you out there who have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to email me. I look forward to hearing from you.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand: the word that the reader inquired about is "ridicible." I can't recall if I explained where I first heard this word, but I'll tell you all. It is not in any dictionary to my knowledge. As a matter of fact, that is a project on which Missy Carol, Missy Barb, Missy Linda, and I are working. We are trying to get the word recognized and listed in the dictionary.

Each year, there are some words that are dropped from the listings, and a few are added which are particularly timely and popular. An example of this is a word that was coined on The Colbert Report, "truthiness."

Now, back to "ridicible": At one of the slumber parties that are routinely held, Missy Carol told an entertaining story about something that happened at her office. A very unusual person who was visiting the office used the word in a hilarious way. This lady did not realize that it was not a "real" word. Missy Carol, Missy Barb, and Missy Linda thought it was a very useful word that fills a gap. After all, there is not another word that means a combination of ridiculous and incredible that also has a melodic sound.

So that is basically the story of the origins of "ridicible."

Long Week for an Old Person

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I am trying to steel myself for a lot of whining this week. Missy Linda is already bellyaching about the fact that she will be the mother of a 40-year-old on Wednesday. So what? I do not understand the way that you humans worry about age and crazy stuff like that! Why is it such a huge deal?

Of course, I don't get wrinkles or aches and pains or osteoporosis or old people stuff like that. But, there are lots of things I could whine about if I wanted to be like that.

I told Missy Linda to forget about how old she is and just wish Missy Elise a happy birthday. I think she should just be glad she is still here. As I mentioned, I don't understand this aging junk, but I'm guessing Missy Linda is actually lucky to still be alive- - -although I don't actually know how old she is. She just seems to be, as I've heard it called, over the hill!

More Did You Know?

Greetings most humans and many others,

Did you know . . .

that saying it louder doesn't make it more right?

that age is not just a number?

that coworkers are aware when you are off your meds if you are bi-polar?

even if a female has skinny legs, she can't necessarily wear leggings as pants?

it is true in most cases that females over 40 should not wear miniskirts? Wait, let's make that: females over 35 should never wear miniskirts?

even though these are my opinions, they are true?

Obsessed

Hello most humans and many others,

Have you all been watching any of those shows about hoarding that are on television right now? I must say that I find it fascinating to observe human behavior through your shows - - - since that's about all I'm allowed to do these days of not going anywhere or doing anything. As you know Missy Linda doesn't go anywhere but work and school, and I am not invited to visit even those places. I'll guarantee you all that she hasn't been any place fun or interesting since I don't even know when! I personally feel that she owes it to me to try to "show me around" the human world, don't you?

But, back to the hoarding shows. I can certainly comprehend you people who save things or collect things in order to make other things or that you just like. (Maybe that's why I haven't ended up in the landfill!) I really have a comprehension problem, though, when it comes to the actual trash - - -stuff like all the wrappers, rotten food, and things that constitute garbage.

I will say that Tio Kane had what I think is a viable idea last evening. He suggested that people who hoard could gather up some of their stuff and put it to use. If they are helping others, maybe it would be more palateable to them to give away parts of their stashes. Also, if they actually take their things to places where people need whatever they have or where there have been disasters causing others to need everything, maybe it would be easier for them to separate from the belongings. Tio Kane suggested it could be a non-profit organization called, "Hoarders Without Borders." What do you think?

Really Winter

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I guess it really is winter now. There is no doubt when it's twelve degrees. It is still not as cold here in Oklahoma as it was in Fort Collins the other day, Missy Elise said. It was three degrees there with a wind chill of minus seventeen. They planned to stay inside that day.

I am thinking that Missy Linda won't be going any place until she has to be at work at three this afternoon. She says she will have to decide how badly she needs a book for class tomorrow that she should go purchase today. She is supposed to read an assignment before class tomorrow, and she has to work tomorrow morning until just before class. She has become so lazy that she might decide that she can be unprepared for class this one time - - - as if she will be ready for every class except this one!

On an unrelated matter, I need some help with getting Missy Linda to stop playing a certain Christmas song that is driving me bonkers. Yes, Christmas is long past. Yes, she usually is eager to dispense with the Christmas products by noon on Christmas day. I don't know what has happened to her, but I can't take it much longer! I am serious! She still laughs out loud when she plays that old favorite that goes, "I'm dressing up like Santa Claus for Christmas, just as soon as I can get out on parole."

Please help me.

It's Finally Here

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, winter weather is finally here! It is as cold as a grave digger's behind outside. (This is a G-rated, or at the worst PG-rated blog.) It is even snowing here more than Missy Linda expected from listening to the weather dudes and gals. It was raining or sleeting earlier. There is more stuff than she was prepared for this morning. So far, it is not too bad here. She doesn't even have to be at class until noon today.

We have been more concerned about Missy Linda's friend Missy Ashley, who started class at OSU in Stillwater this morning while still living in Edmond. She had to be there before 8:30am. The roads are worse up that way, but Missy Ashley has a good car and is a careful driver. We will assume that she is doing all right.

I know one thing for sure - - - I will not get into the car with Missy Linda in weather that's the least bit hazardous! I got my experience with that a few years ago when we landed in a ditch after hitting a slick spot. Never again for me, but Missy Linda can do whatever she pleases.

Did You Know?

Hello most humans and many others,

Since I mostly sit around observing human life, I thought you might not know some of the things I have learned:

Did you know - - -

Elvis Presley would have been seventy-six years old today?

just because you share a birthdate with a famous person, it does not elevate your status or intelligence or talent in any way?

Neil Diamond was right when he said, "Some days are diamonds, and some days are stones?"

if a woman goes back to using her maiden name after a divorce, people with whom she went to elementary school can much more easily find her on the internet?

hard work has killed lots of people?

My Great Idea

Hello most humans and many others,

I was just thinking about Missy Linda's situation with her job. You know, like how they underpay her and overwork her- - -according to the gripes I am forced to endure several times a week just because I can't get up and leave wherever I am perched!

I happened to notice that story on the news the last couple of days about the man who was homeless in Cleveland. He now has job offers out the wazoo: one of which even gets him a free house. I did not hear exactly how he got on the news- - -just that he has a perfect announcer's voice and was previously on the radio. His little sign didn't appear to be anything special and I missed how he got noticed.

Anyway, I was considering how Missy Linda might be able to get attention in order to get a good job. So far, I haven't come up with a great way to do this, just the thought that this is what we should do. As soon as I figure out the perfect hook to grab an employer's attention, I will then have to come up with how to get Missy Linda to go along with my fabulous plan. It shouldn't be too difficult; I haven't noticed that she has had any luck in that department lately!