Serves Her Right!

Hello,
Well, I told you how Missy Linda kind of avoided going out to her boss's house on Monday so yesterday she didn't have a choice. Ha! She didn't have to stay there as long as she had feared, but she had to bring a bunch of stuff home with her to do. You know how whiny she is. She is always saying how the cigarette smoke out there bothers her and gives her a headache. Boo, hoo. Sometimes, she complains about fabric that she brings home having smoke in it. Poor baby. She thinks she's the only person in the world with problems. I just don't have any sympathy for her.

Missy Linda should get her work finished so that I can be ready for my party. She had better not mess this one up for me. She is going around with a band aid on her finger. It's a bandage with a polar bear on it that she said is supposed to be for visiting children who might need a band aid. She said she ran a needle through the end of that finger. So? It's not like it went through her finger nail or something. I am never going to understand you whiny humans, I guess. What's the big deal about everything?

Sick of This!

Morning all,
Well, here I am again. As you can see, I missed a day posting yesterday. How are you ever going to know about my totally exciting and spell-binding life if Missy Linda won't let me use the computer? She was waiting all day for an email from her boss. She had an email early yesterday morning that said the boss needed her to come and work at the boss's house. Missy Linda said, "Okay, what time?" She never got an answer. She was kind of cranky. She was checking that email every few minutes. She knows she could have called, but, hey, she might have actually had to go work if she had talked to the boss on the phone. See how crazy she is! I have to deal with this every day!

I did see that she started getting out some fabric and hats and things last night. Maybe we are going to start working on my party today! I saw my friend, Diego the animal rescuer, was wearing a mariachi hat this morning. Wish me luck!

Sick Baby

Hi all,
Sorry I missed yesterday. Missy Linda was busy again, and you know where that put me! I can tell you, she was not busy all day. She did a tiny bit of yard work, and then she had a little visitor in the afternoon. At least her visitor was a sweetie pie. Her name is Emma, and she isn't even a year old yet. She is Ryley's little sister, and they are two of the little girls in Missy Linda's "Flock 'o Princesses." Little Emma did not feel very well when she got here, and she slept a long time, which is definitely not like Emma. Mr. Nick, one of Missy Linda's sons, and Ryley went out shopping for a birthday gift for Missy Lesley, Nick's wife and the girls' mother.

By the time little Emma got home, her fever was 103 degrees, so she won a trip to the doctor's office. Sure enough, she had an ear infection again. That makes several in the past few months, and Ryley has had some,too. Missy Linda hates for little girls to have earaches because she knows how they hurt. She had lots of ear infections when she was a little girl. It sucks!

Get well soon, Emma, and come to play at our house as soon as you can. You can bring Ryley, too. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy those little girls.

Friends

Hi,
I just wanted everyone to see my friend Mushu taking his nap (he was taking a nap until Missy Linda started bothering him) on his Cinderella pillow on his Dora the Explorer sheets. He can really be a sweetie pie sometimes. I've decided that he is big enough that I should be a really close friend of his.

He considers this bed his bed, and he gets his feeling hurt a great deal when some of those little girls visit because they consider it their bed then. He tries to share with them, but they do not want to share with him. He's probably about as big as the smallest one of them. After they have gone home, he won't go to sleep on that bed for several days. His little (or his enlarged) heart is broken.

Well, enough about him. Missy Linda has been lax in turning on the computer for me again. I think her school is about over for the semester, so I should be able to get my turn more often soon.

Ha! You should have seen her yesterday! She came home from school, and she was so low. Some of the other students had really blasted her story in class. The professor liked it though, so that's what matters the most. She was proud of herself because she took the criticism without getting upset. She was just kind of worn out, I guess, from acting nonchalant. She's a big girl, and she knows that criticism is part of the game. But, I definitely enjoyed seeing her get her comeuppance. As far as I'm concerned, she deserves that every day!

Sorry This Is Late

Hello everyone,
I am so sorry that I have not kept up with my story. I have told you how selfish Missy Linda can be. She has been using the computer all the time the last few days. She said that she had to write her final project for class. Big deal! I don't see why she wouldn't let me use it when she was sleeping or something. She said she doesn't dare go to sleep and leave on everything. She said she doesn't trust me!

Well, she has turned in her project, so, move over lady; it's my turn. I don't care what she says. We are going to start working on my party. It won't be long until Cinco de Mayo, and we have work to do. Can you believe she hasn't even started? She hasn't even taken me shopping!

Beautiful Day

Hi,
How are all you wonderful people doing on this beautiful spring Sunday? If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, it is spring, anyway. I guess if you live south of the equator, it is fall. Anyway, I hope that it is a beautiful day wherever you are.

Oh, no! The phone just rang, and I hear Missy Linda talking to someone about yard work this afternoon! I hope she is not expecting me to use my beautiful Sunday afternoon to work in the yard! She can just change her plans right now, as far as I am concerned. What kind of Sunday afternoon would that be?

I had thought that Missy Linda and I would go shopping for a beautiful dress to wear for Cinco de Mayo. I guess she just expects me to wear my everyday dress. Even though it is a beautiful dress, I would like something different for special occasions. Remember my beautiful dress for Oscar night? She even made that dress for me.

Well, I had better run and get ready to battle Missy Linda about what we are going to do this afternoon. Wish me luck!

Recovered

Hi everyone,
Well, I think I have finally recovered from my yard work adventure and after that, the weather headache. I did not see a drop of rain that evening it was supposed to storm so badly. Can you believe it? Do you humans just let these weather people be wrong ,and then let them keep their jobs? If I had to have a job, I would want one like that.

Oh, my goodness! I hear Missy Linda in the kitchen singing her coffee song! You know, the one that starts, "Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug." She started the computer for me, and then she went to get her first cup of coffee. I don't really have a handle on whether that song means we are going to have a good day or a bad day. So far, all I know about it is that she's glad to get her coffee.

Oh the bright side, I was glad to discover that Missy Linda does have someone come to mow her lawn. (Believe me, I am being generous by calling it a "lawn.") Anyway, Mister Cole and Mister Chase came and mowed the lawn yesterday, to my great relief. I was afraid I was going to be out there trying to push a mower with no feet! Missy Linda did make sure that I know that the guys only mow. They don't do the weeds in the flower beds and things like that. First of all, what flower beds? All I am aware of is that one where I planted two flowers the other day. Second, why is she making sure that I know this? Does she have some diabolical plan for me?

Well, I guess I should be nice to Missy Linda for a few days. This week, the Mister who used to live here, announced that he is getting married. Although, she doesn't seem to be too upset, as she knows she is really better off than she was with him. Also, she says she expected it; she just didn't think they would have a wedding. I was just wondering; do you humans have a cutoff age for legally getting married? If not--------GROSS!

Stormy Weather

Greetings,
If you live in central Oklahoma, do you have one of those headaches that people get here? I believe they call them weather headaches. I think I have one. That's pretty hard to have when you have nothing in your head! It is so windy out there this morning, and yesterday was terrible. If I had tried to work in the yard yesterday, I would have surely blown away. I would definitely be in Kansas by now. (I think that's where it would be. I'm not very strong in geography.)

I understand that these headaches occur when the barometer changes a lot in a short time. I have no idea what that is, but I know that Missy Linda is cranky when she has one of these headaches, and I'm going to be cranky, too! There has to be something in it for me, right? You know, I'll bet a hollow head could explode just as easily as a full head could, don't you?

I just realized something! You don't think that I am getting more human, do you?

I have been hearing on the weather broadcasts for at least three days that it is supposed to be stormy later. Do you remember what happened the last time a tornado came through here? Missy Linda and Tio Kane hid in the hall bathroom, and they just left me sitting right where I was! If that happens again, I will be forced to do something about it. Any ideas out there?

Hard Work

Good morning, everyone,
And how are you this glorious morning? You will all be better off if you don't ask me how I am doing. However, I am going to tell you anyway! You can see by this picture that Missy Linda has made me work in the yard. I have no idea why, all of a sudden, I am supposed to do this human stuff. I am disabled! And I don't have feet! Do you know how hard it is to shovel when you have no feet?


Missy Linda made me help her plant some flowers. As you can see on the ground there, we have maple trees. These are the seeds that blow off the tree. We usually have at least ten thousand baby maple trees to sprout up in the spring. One year we had four huge garbage bags of these seeds that they raked up for disposal. Notice I said, "They raked up for disposal." In no way am I supposed to be involved in this work, and back then, I wasn't. What has gone wrong with my life?

Ok. Back to the subject at hand. You must admit, if you are truthful, that I look stunning in my beautiful garden work hat! I feel like Scarlet O'Hara. I believe her life got pretty crappy, and she had to work, too. Am I correct?
I am not sure if you can see it in these pictures, but Missy Linda has used twist ties and glue to hold together her trellis thing. It has been around a few years now. Heaven forbid that she should buy a new one! Since the flowers are supposed to climb up the thing, maybe she thinks that the plants will hold the trellis together. You wouldn't really be surprised if that is her plan, now, would you?




At least the flowers and I look beautiful together, don't we? Which do you think is more stunning? I just hope that Missy Linda's black thumb doesn't affect these flowers too much! You know, she is not known for her horticultural skills, don't you?

Look back there over my right shoulder. That plant is some kind of mint. Can you believe that mint can grow shoulder high? I heard Missy Carol and Missy Linda talking about mint one time, and they said that once you have it, it is there forever. So that is not a tribute to Missy Linda's gardening skills!

Well, I am exhausted, and my back is a little achy. I think I had better say, "Good-by," and go get some rest. Missy Linda has a magnet on her fridge that says, "They are wrong. Hard work has killed lots of people." What do you think she has in mind for me?

Class

Hello,
Last week Missy Linda took me to class with her one time. This is a picture of me with Dr. Christopher Givan, her favorite professor this semester. It is ok for me to say that because he said he does not read my blog. So that means that Missy Linda is not using me to get on her professor's good side. I would never want to be a part of something like that.

It is so interesting to listen to the goings on in the classroom. In this class, there is a lot of reading of the papers that each student has written. Some are really funny, and some are really sad. Either way, I enjoyed it a great deal. I hope I get to go again sometime. Maybe next semester she will take me to another class or two. Maybe I'll actually get an education!

Wow! These Are Great!

Hi all,
I am so excited! Look at all the things in my box that came in the mail just for ME, ME, ME. Can you believe it?

Are you about to die of jealousy over my wonderful bag? Come on, now, I'll bet you are. This is so crazy beautiful, I cannot believe it! Look how it goes with my dress, and I love the flowers.

Wow! How beautiful am I? These are the most stunning flowers I have seen lately. How about you? I look kind of like a bride, don't I? (Let's not get that started, OK?) This lei is so big that I could probably dress in it, or it will be beautiful decoration, don't you think?


Ah, and what says Cinco de Mayo more than Margaritas? Nothing that I know of! It looks like I have a good start with my preparations for MY HOLIDAY, doesn't it? Thanks again, fans in Nuevo Mexico! I'll be out there soon to see you!

She Opens The Package!

Greetings everyone,
As you can see here, I have expertly wielded my giant scissors and have opened the box that was sent to me by my #1 Fans from Nuevo Mexico! They are so cool to send me a gift!

As you can now see, I am able to peek into my wondrous box. What's this? It is a letter from the sender.

As you can read the letter for yourself, there is no need for me to repeat what it says. I can hardly wait to see what they have sent me for La Fiesta Del Cinco De Mayo! I have already been thinking that I should get Missy Linda started on the preparations for "my" holiday. I will see you all tomorrow to find out what I received. Can you stand it until then?

Sorry, Missy Sharon!

Hi all,
Missy Linda just wanted me to let Missy Sharon know how sorry she is that she did not remember her birthday at the right time. Missy Sharon, you know what she is like; she just expects the rest of us to make allowances for her all the time. Since you have known her a long time, I am sure you are aware of how self-involved and selfish she is, right? If I were you, I would figure out some way to make her really sorry. I would be super glad to help you with that, if you would like. Just call on me; I'm sure we can come up with something fabulous to put her in her place!

I'll talk to the rest of you guys a little later today, OK?

Big Surprise!

Hi all,
Can you believe that I got a package in the mail yesterday? It was addressed to ME, ME, ME! See, here I am answering the door. It's a good thing I didn't have to sign for it because I don't know how to write my name. Can you believe that Styrofoam based tortilla keeper people do not just automatically get a free education in the United States of America? What a travesty!
(Note to self----remind Missy Linda to get busy with that painting she is always going to do.)


Here I am on the porch with my package. See how it is as tall as my shoulder! Wow, I cannot even imagine what it could possibly be, can you? If it were a little longer, it might be a car, right?


Here I am in the house, and I am going to open my package. See, it has my name right there on the label! I am still excited that I actually got something in the mail. And, look, it says, "Priority Mail" right there on the front. I must be very important!


Here I am with my scissors as I am starting to open the box. Just a side note-----Don't ever try to mess with me; look how I can handle those giant scissors!

I know that you are expecting to find out what is in my package, aren't you? Well, unfortunately for you, that's a story for another day.

I do want to send out a giant, "Thank You," to my biggest fans in Albuquerque, who sent me the fabulous package. More tomorrow!

Fun with Cat

Hi,
One of my new favorite pastimes is watching Mushu jump over things! If you don't remember who Mushu is, go back to some of the earliest blogs of mine, and take a look at him. He is one of the biggest cats in the world, I'm sure. Of course, I mean house cats, not tigers or bobcats or mountain lions. Also, remember that I told you that Missy Linda and Tio Kane have one of those baby gates at the bottom of the stairs to keep the cats (and little kids, if any are around) from going upstairs? Actually, it isn't on the bottom step; it is about three steps up. That makes it a lot harder for a cat to clear it from below.

Lately, I have been spending a lot of time gracing the dining room with my beauty by sitting on the dining table or the buffet. This gives me a great view of the stairs. Mushu has decided that if no one will open the gate for him, he will just have to fly over it because he loves to sleep up there in the room where Missy works. I cannot tell you how hilarious it is to watch him sit there and whine for awhile (he is pretty pathetic!) before he decides he is going to have to take matters into his own paws. You know how with some people and animals, you can just see the little wheels spinning in their little brains? It is pretty amazing to see when he actually clears the gate with his hanging down belly! He has one of those cat bellies that hangs down and sways back and forth when he walks. When he kind of runs, it looks like it would beat him to death! A lot of the time, he doesn't exactly clear the gate. There is a great crashing noise, and the gate falls down as his belly knocks against it! In this house, no one gets too excited about big ol' crashing noises or things equivalent. I guess it just happens too often to be worrisome. The gate doesn't fall away from the steps, though. It is set-up to fall against the stairs. That way it still works for the old man cat and little kids. He needs to rest most of the day after that! To me, that's a good start to the day.

Can't Stop Me!

Hey Guys and Gals,
Here I am riding Jackson, the donkey. There is a larger donkey, Jack, but he wasn't right there where I was at the time. I think that Missy Barb is very creative with the names for her donkeys, don't you? She used to also have one named Jenny.

I'm glad I had such a good time over the weekend because Missy Linda is kind of cranky right now. She has been gathering up all the documents she needs to fill out her tax forms today. She doesn't have to do the work; she just has to provide the stuff. This is the first time that she has been responsible for the taxes herself. Her divorce was final last year, and the Mister had always filled them out before. Missy Linda found almost a whole drawer full of letters from the IRS to the Mister from earlier years while she was looking for her bank statements today. She is glad that she is the one responsible for herself now! She is not worried because she has Missy Lesley to do the actual work of it. Thanks, Missy Lesley, for keeping Missy Linda out of trouble. I'm not implying that Missy Linda would do anything dishonest, but I am afraid she might do something dumb. You know how she is!

Just As Beautiful!

Good morning everyone,

Can you believe that I am driving this ginormous* tractor? And I look just as beautiful on it as I do on Princess! Hard to believe, isn't it? There's actually one of those huge round hay bales on the front of the tractor which I am taking to the pasture. I have pictures that show it, and I will share one soon. It seems impossible that I could drive this tractor since I cannot reach the gear shift or the pedals or anything else for that matter, doesn't it? Well, I'll tell you; it's not easy!

*This is a new word that was officially added to the dictionary on July 11, 2007, the day of the birth of little Emma Grace Watkins.

Look At Me!

Good morning to everyone,

Can you believe what you are seeing? I cannot believe how beautiful I look, can you? I am riding a horse named Princess, and that is Buckshot in the background. As you can see, he is smaller, but he is not broken to ride----only to pull a little cart. That leaves me riding the larger, taller miniature horse. It works out great since I am a miniature being, don't you think? It is not easy riding a horse when one has no legs to grab around the horse's body, so that makes me a thousand times braver than your average horse riding neophyte! It was so thrilling! I can see why so many of you humans enjoy riding horses. I think I know why I am on this earth now! Maybe next time I will ride the regular-sized horses. There are Peanut, Pebbles and Fancy. "Adios, amigos," she shouts as she rides off into the sunset.

What A Weekend!

Hey Cowgirls and Cowboys,
How has your weekend been? Mine has been great! Besides going to the women's slumber party, I rode a horse and a donkey and drove a tractor-------a great big tractor! I will prove it tomorrow with pictures.

Also, I have to say that this was one of the best slumber parties ever! All the gals and I never laughed so hard in our lives! It was good that we went out to eat and to a movie rather than just partying at someone's home because that meant we had to calm down while we were in public places. Those women were really proud of themselves that they were able to behave in the theater.

The only problem that I have with them is riding in the car when one of them is driving! Missy Linda had to stop the car two or three times to settle everyone down. Sometimes they act worse than a bunch of little brats. It is fun, though. Missy Linda said she thought their ribs would be sore the next morning because they had laughed so much. They all felt it would have been worth it! If they had been stopped by the police while driving, they wondered what would happen when they passed the breath test. They sure acted like they were drunk!

Missy Linda and I have mostly been asleep today. She had kept me up late several nights last week because of one thing and another. Then on Thursday night we were awake all night so she could get her work finished. I don't know why Missy Linda keeps me awake when she has to stay up, but I am beginning to get annoyed by that. We did take a nap for a couple of hours on Friday, and then we were raring to go. We all finally went to bed on Friday night about 2:00 or 3:00am. Everyone had worked on Friday, so they were all tired. I was even a little worn out. I am convinced that I do not get my optimum rest since I cannot lie down.

On Saturday, when we got home, Missy Linda finally got her flat tire fixed. Not one thing funny happened this time. I'm glad it's fixed, though. Missy Barb has a big compressor that will fill tanks with air. Missy Linda borrowed one and was able to inflate the tire well enough to get to the tire place, which is less than two miles away. Finally! I would have preferred to have one last laugh about the tire, but I guess I'll just have wait for another opportunity. It probably won't be long until something funny happens to Missy Linda-----or better yet, she does something completely insane!

Not Funny Enough

Juana Tortilla here,
How are you guys out there today? I am doing well except for the problem I have needing Missy Linda to turn on the computer for me. She just goes off in her brain somewhere to some place no one else understands, and she just totally ignores my needs. She hasn't even got that tire fixed yet! I am waiting and waiting and waiting. She is just not funny enough unless she is doing something like that. She did go out and get the car all jacked up the next day, and she tried some of the suggestions she got from learned tire changing people. She still hasn't gotten it done, though. It was mildly amusing that she was lying on the driveway in a cold rain for awhile, but that just is not enough. I'm hoping that tomorrow we get some things done around here.

But first comes tonight! Tonight is party night! Some of us girls are going out to eat and to a movie and then who knows after that! I'll let you in on the dish when I return home------they had better come up with something good! Later!

April Fool

Hello,
Ha, Ha. Got ya------it's not April Fool's today. I'm only one day behind, but if Missy Linda is always in charge, it will probably get worse. She didn't even turn on the computer for me yesterday! April Fool on me! There she goes again, just thinking of herself all the time. You should have heard her whining yesterday. I might have been just as well off being head first down in a shopping bag again rather than having to listen to her. Here's how it went:

The first thing when she got up, she was hollering about The Old Man having thrown up on her bed. (That was hilarious!) What I can't figure out is, how did the cat know that it was April Fool's day? There's so much I still don't understand about humans and pets. Of course, she was already cranky because it was really early when she got up. She had a bunch of work to get done and a looming deadline. Evidently, things in the work department were going along all right for a few hours, but then things started going downhill again.

As Tio Kane was leaving for an appointment, he called Missy Linda to tell her that she had a flat tire. Missy Linda said that she knew that it was not a joke because Tio Kane doesn't play jokes like that. She was correct; it was not a joke. By then, it was getting close to time for Missy Linda to get to class. It became apparent that she would not be able to get there, so she went back to trying to finish her work on time. She was annoyed with missing class because there were some papers due that day, and she had worked hard to get all the work finished. She had the required number of copies of everything all ready to go. She was glad that she would not be penalized for handing them in the next class time, though, or she would have walked to class. (Yeah, right.)

She called Mr. Nick to make arrangements for him to drop by after work to help her with putting on the spare tire. (He is her other son.) She just needed some instruction to get this job done-----or so they thought. A few minutes putting on the spare tire, and then Missy Linda could just run to the tire place and get the bad tire fixed-----right? Wrong.

In the meantime, Missy Linda borrowed Tio Kane's car when he got home. She had to run out to her boss's house to pick up something that she had forgotten the day before. She was glad that the low fuel light was blinking only a few miles before she made it to the gas station. Running out of gas would have ruined her day!

Missy Linda was all pooped out by then since she had missed a lot of sleep the last couple of days------you know, the tornado and then work. She did take a nap for about an hour. Mr. Nick did come over when he got off work, and they started to take care of the flat tire. You should have been there------it was so funny! I am definitely not laughing at Mr. Nick, he was just a victim of circumstance. I am laughing at Missy Linda because that's what I do for entertainment, and she gives me so many opportunities for enjoyment.

So they were out on the driveway, and they got the spare out from under the car just fine. The place that the jack had to be placed under Missy Linda's Rodeo is way underneath the car in a hard to reach spot. Mr. Nick crawled under there, and got the jack set. After getting the car jacked up, Mr. Nick was jumping on the tire tool handle to get the nuts loosened. It had been awhile since Missy Linda had bought new tires, so things were really set. He jumped hard enough to knock the Rodeo off the jack, but fortunately the car did not roll or anything. However, the jack was wedged at an angle between the driveway and the frame of the car. It took a while to get a jack big enough to raise the car high enough to get the first jack loose since Missy Linda's car is an SUV and the other cars were regular cars. (The jacks for the smaller cars don't have to lift as high.) After all that, they could not get the wheel off the car! All the lug nuts were off, the tire was off the ground, and they could not budge that wheel one iota! They even used a small sledge hammer. By then, Mr. Nick was taking it personally, so he tried a while longer. Finally, they put the nuts back on, took out the jack, put the spare in the back of the car, and decided to form a plan for today. They made a few phone calls last evening, so I think they have some things to try today. This could be fabulously funny! Mind you, I don't want them to get hurt, but Missy Linda can come up with the weirdest ideas----you cannot even imagine! I can hardly wait!