Tomorrow is My Day!

Greetings humans,

If you remember, I designated February 1, as my birthday. That is the day that Missy Linda let me start this blog, and she started taking me places and taking pictures of me. I have to say that I think I have had a rather strange first year.

Missy Linda says that tomorrow I will just have my family party---you know, me, her and Tio Kane. She said that I have to wait until next weekend for a bigger party when those crazy women have their slumber party. Wow! It sounds like I am going to get the "works," doesn't it?

I wish I could have a party with all those little girls who love me so much! I really enjoy having fun with them. I guess the ones in Fayetteville, AR, are still without power unless something has happened in the last very few hours. It seems to me that would be a great reason to come here to party, doesn't it? I don't know about the girls here in Edmond. I may just call them up to see if they want to party. Yes, I think that is a great idea, right?

Greetings humans,

Well, it warmed up here a little yesterday, and the weather dudes expect that it will be actually warmish here today. That should take care of a lot of the ice. It thawed at Missy Linda's town well yesterday, but she knows that is not the case everywhere yet. She didn't hear from Missy Elise last night, but they were going to get out of the house yesterday and last evening, if you remember. Missy Linda and Missy Elise have a code that not hearing doesn't mean disaster. However, Missy Linda knows that when the power comes on, she will be one of the first to hear of it.

Missy Linda is super happy that the place on the roof that leaks only when lots of ice melts, did not leak this time. She hopes against hope that is a sign of good things to come---at least, it means no wet insulation and no huge spot or naked place where the ceiling in the living room is damaged right now. There have been at least a couple of roofers over to find out the problem; maybe they did it this time. Now, there's no excuse for not repairing and painting that place, right, Missy Linda?

Missy Linda's friend wants everyone to remember her son, Justin Charles Miller, who will be deploying to Iraq for the third time on Monday. It is scary because he is leaving a week earlier than scheduled, which gives the family hardly any time to spend with him before he leaves. Also, they wonder, "What is the big hurry?" Things like that make moms extra worried. Pray for him or think good thoughts for him, ok?

No Power Yet

Greetings frozen humans,

Well, the news from Missy Elise doesn't sound good to me, but she doesn't seem too upset about it. They have told them that they expect to have the power on in their neighborhood on Saturday. If I were Missy Elise, I would be saying, "This is ridicible! My children need electricity!" --- But not Missy Elise.

She is one of those people who sort of takes things in stride and deals with it. She cleaned out her refrigerator yesterday and put the food in the garage to stay cold. They bought ice for the deep freezer to keep things frozen. They will go to a friend's house today to take baths, and they have a coupon to eat at a nice restaurant this evening. I know that the way Missy Elise is handling all this is a good example for the children and teaches them to adjust to things. However, since I am not a mother, as far as I know, I would not have to act nice about all that. I think that I would not handle it very well, right?

Ice, Ice and More Ice!

Greetings from the land of ice,

Missy Linda heard from Missy Elise last evening that the power at Missy Elise and Mr. Brett's house had been out since about noon. They have the three little girls who are eight, five and three. The one bright spot is that they have a little gas heater built into the wall in their family room which happens to be downstairs. The reason that it is good that it's downstairs is that they are staying in a place that is safe in case a giant tree falls onto their house. Evidently this is happening in their neighborhood. They keep the big branches trimmed from over the house because they have had ice storms before and knew that the branches could fall and do damage, but this is an entirely different dimension.

It seems that while we were getting mostly sleet and freezing drizzle, they were having heavy rain storms that were coating everything heavily. Missy Linda said that she had been over there in Fayetteville when the power was out for five days, and that was before there were any little girls to take care of. I know that at this point it's still, "We're going to camp in the house and read stories and have lanterns!" I know that would be fun for me for about three hours,
right?

Still Frozen

Greetings from the frozen middle,

Well, we have had a barrel of fun around here today. Tio Kane has used the computer a lot so that I could not shop, and Missy Linda worked on her reading and a paper she has to turn in this week. I say all that like if we weren't in the middle of this ice storm, I would be out doing exciting things. Well, I like to think positively.

I do know that Chinese New Year has already begun. Why don't they just pick a date and stick with it like we do with January 1? That would make it so much easier for the rest of us. I get all confused, to say the least. Of course, with this weather, I haven't had a Chinese New Year party this year. I'll probably just have to forget about it this year since my birthday is coming up soon. I doubt if Missy Linda would be up for two parties in a few days. She is way too lazy for that, right?

Ice is Not Nice

Greetings from frozen central Oklahoma,

I'll tell you, I do not like the ice that you humans must tolerate here in central Oklahoma. Remember last year when I was in the car with Missy Linda when we went spinning around and then into a ditch? That was enough for me! I have had it! Let's get this mess thawed out!

Missy Linda's school let out this afternoon, and they have already announced that they will be closed tomorrow. Oh, great! I get so little time by myself (as in away from Missy Linda, not other people) that I am not happy about this. She will probably be on the computer a lot, and I will not be able to look online for the supplies and fabulous dress that I need for my birthday party. Does anyone have any hints about how to get Missy Linda on board with my birthday party plans? It is hard for me to get all these things done all by myself (remember, I don't have legs or feet). If you have any suggestions, give me a holla, OK?

Here I Don't Go Again

Greetings humans,

Well, as you can see by my title, I am not at the OU Women's Basketball Game! Missy Linda has a headache, and if she doesn't go, I don't go --- which hardly seems fair to me!

Ha, ha. Serves her right that she will have to get out sometime today to get food for Mushu. At least, I can revel in the knowledge that she will be in some crowded store on a Sunday, elbowing her way through the men and children who do not know the rules of the grocery store but are allowed to roam freely there on the weekends snarling up the whole world that is the super center of today. I am laughing inside already just picturing it.

One thing that does not make me happy about today, though, is that it is Stand-up Countdown on Comedy Central. That will cheer up Missy Linda like nothing else. She loves stand-up comedians. Well, I guess my last, best hope is that she will feel better and maybe take me some little place later today. I doubt it though. She will hole up with her malted milk balls and watch comedians all day, except for the trip to the store. Well, at least with a headache, she won't be laughing that really loud jackassy laugh. That's good, right?

School Sounds Like a Fabulous Place!

Good morning humans,

You know, I've been thinking lately---I basically just sit there on the buffet in the dining room all of the time that I am not writing to you. I have decided that college might be the perfect place for me. What do you think? Remember when Missy Linda took me to class with her that one time, and she took a picture of me with Dr. Givan? That was fun! Everyone was saying, "Who is that?" Practically the whole class was paying attention to me. It was fabulous!

Obviously, one does not need to be smart or knowledgeable before she goes to school. (Look at Missy Linda!) But, I was thinking along the lines that there must be a delicious array of fashions and hairdos and cute guys everywhere! I could just hang around there and people watch. That's the kind of education I need anyway. Maybe I could get my own TV show making fun of the students who look weird or criticizing people on the street who look like dorks. Wow! That sounds fabulous for me, doesn't it? You guys start emailing your local TV stations and cable companies to hound them on my behalf, OK?

OU Women's Basketball

Greetings humans,

I just heard Missy Linda talking about going to an OU Women's Basketball game this Sunday. She had better make sure that I get to go or there will be a wrath that falls upon her from me. I am fed up with, "Sorry, Juana, I was in such a hurry I just forgot to pick you up." Or, "Sorry, Juana, I didn't think that you would enjoy going to this or that event. It was very boing."

I say, "Missy Linda, this is your last chance. You forget to take me on Sunday, and you will pay a steep price." (I cannot reveal what that price will be at this time. Just trust me, OK?) I know ways to make her sorry.

Cold and Hot and Cold

Hello humans,

You know, I am beginning to be glad that I am not out and about too much these days. You guys here in central Oklahoma have the crappiest weather! Wasn't it just the other day that the high for the day was about 20 degrees? Today, it will be near 80 degrees! Ok. What's going on here? It was interesting for awhile, but now, it is just annoying! Straighten up, you guys!

Oh, I did hear that the Academy Award Nominations come out this morning. I don't care that much about them, but I know that I got a new dress last year for my Oscar party, and I am interested in that. Can you hardly wait to see MY Oscar dress? Great! A reason to live, right?

Pets Are Good Company

Greetings humans,

Well, I was just wondering about how you guys feel about your pets. Missy Linda is still missing Andrew, and I think even Tio Kane misses him. When Missy Linda saw that hedgehog eating a carrot on icanhascheezburger.com, she started missing her hedgehogs, too. And they've been gone awhile! They were gone before I got a life! Of course, her dog Puck died last summer, too. It has been a hard year for pets around here.

We still have Missy Button and Mushu, but it is very quiet around here with only two pets. I hope that we don't start getting a whole new menagerie, though. Really, how many pets does an old lady need? They are fun, but they are a lot of work. When Missy Linda had a hedgehog, she had this elaborate condo built out of those big plastic storage boxes that one buys at Walmart and all kinds of tunnels and stuff connecting them. There was even a running track on the top level. She went a little crazy with that one! (I wish she would take care of me that well!)

I am going to really work on trying to keep her busy with doing things for me so that she won't go out and find a bunch of orphaned pets or go buy a bunch. If she keeps up with all my needs, she will be plenty busy, right?

My Birthday!

Hello humans,

Guess what! I have decided that February 1 should be my birthday! That is the day that I first started this blog. I figure that is kind of the day that I really came to life as you all feel it exists, so that is the date that will be my birthday. What do you think about that, huh?

If any of you guys run into Missy Linda, tell her what is going on so that she will get on the ball and get things ready for my big day, ok? She may not get around to reading my blog. So, just in case, you guys be sure that she is aware that February 1 is my birthday celebration.

Yesterday was Tio Kane's birthday, and January 26 is Missy Elise's birthday, so it's not like she won't be in the birthday mode, right? When he lived here, that Mister celebrated his birthday on January 8, but, thank goodness, we don't have to do that anymore. Missy Linda is glad of that for sure. She was telling me that she met a guy at the grocery store the other day who said things that reminded her of that Mister. She was so glad that she didn't have to deal with that any more! She would rather have to go to school and work at the same time than have to deal with him! Well, I guess she got her "druthers," huh?

Celebrate!

Greetings!

It is a great day here at Missy Linda's house! The virus is gone! Tio Kane was successful in removing our important things from the computer and putting it onto an external hard drive. Then he erased the hard drive of the computer to be as it was when we purchased it. After that he began to put all of our stuff back into the computer. I don't know if he is completely finished yet, but he has the important things done. YEA! Internet shopping, here I come! Did you miss me, e-bay?

Also, it is Tio Kane's birthday today! He is not one to want a big celebration, but I still would like to at least say, "Hey! Kane! Happy Birthday!"

Well, I need to get off this and get busy with my other internet pursuits. I have been denied for several days, you know. TTYL, ok?

Here Comes the Cold!

Hello humans,

Missy Linda is feeling a smidgen snarky today. She said to Tio Kane that she hopes that the Mister to whom she used to be married, is having to travel some place up north today. She thinks that is hilarious because he hates the cold, and he worked in North Dakota for a couple of years. She wants to think of his being up there today when the temperature is way, way below zero! She can be vicious!

I feel that perhaps in my own interest, I might consider being nicer to Missy Linda. She could decide to set me outside in the cold when it gets here later tonight. The weather dude said that it would be about fifteen degrees before morning. That is plenty chilly for my taste. I don't want to even think about what could happen to little ol' me on a night like this. It is just too awful to contemplate.

I wonder how Missy Linda would feel if someone wished that she were out in the cold. She will definitely be up against it tomorrow morning when she has to go all the way across the parking lot to get to class, probably in the north wind. ( I can hope for a north wind, right?) She is glad her classes are all in the same building this semester so once she gets in there, she is set for the day. Phooey! That's no fun for my imagining her freezing!

Where Are the Pictures?

Greetings everyone,

I know that you regular readers are wondering, "Where are all those wonderful pictures of Juana Tortilla's escapades that I have grown so fond of?"

Well, I can only tell you that Missy Linda has become an inefficient photographer, costumer and/or social secretary. Not only has she neglected her job of finding interesting and stimulating outings for me, she also does not get me ready with appropriate regalia for the aforementioned engagements. I think that I might start taking applications for someone to fill her job. Do you think that I could do like Paris Hilton and get a new BFF? Maybe I could have a reality show, too! Can you imagine anything more fabulous?

I must admit that I miss celebrating all the holidays I celebrated before. I think that I missed Chinese New Year, didn't I? I know I haven't missed Cinco de Mayo, but I'll bet I am behind on lots of holidays! I need wigs! I need appropriate dresses! Someone please help me to encourage Missy Linda to get off her duff and make me things, OK?

No Progress

Greetings humans,

Well, we have had no progress in our quest to rid the computer of its illness. Tio Kane gave up, and I think that he is so tired of the computer, I haven't seen him around it since early Saturday morning. As you can see in the ads along the side, here, it looks very easy to get rid of this virus. Oh, if only that were true.

One thing that I don't like about using the computer in "safe mode" is that the screen flickers all the time. Missy Linda hates that, too. You can imagine how Tio Kane feels with his eye problems! It is a wonder he worked on the thing as long as he did. I think that they will call someone to come over tomorrow to work on it.

Missy Linda will start getting all snippy if it doesn't get fixed in time to use it for her school work. Her classes start again tomorrow, and it probably won't be long before she will have to print out work for classes. The professors are pretty smart these days---they do not accept hand-written work. I guess we'll just have to see how it all pans out, huh?

Oh, No!

Greetings humans,

Well, the news is not good here at Missy Linda land. Tio Kane says that the Geeks will have to be called to fix the computer, or we will have to get a new one. I guess that means that my communications may be spotty for awhile, just as they have been lately. That is unacceptable to me! Unfortunately, I do not know how to fix the computer nor do I have the money to buy a new one. Crap!

In addition to that, the Sooners lost the National Championship Game the other night. I don't know exactly how, but I am certain Missy Linda is at fault somehow. She must have had prior knowledge or some complicity in the loss because she never did bother to get me an OU outfit, and she did not even take me to watch the game at the party at Missy Barb's! As soon as I find out what really happened, I will let you all know for sure. Something is fishy somewhere, don't you think?

Scary, Scary!

Greetings,

I'll bet that most of you guys think that I did not get in touch with you yesterday because Missy Linda was lazy or something, right? Well, that was not the case this time---as weird as that seems. Our computer was attacked by a horrible virus! It is a terrible one, I understand. It is called Vundo or VundoTrojan or Virtumonde or Virtumondo. See, right there is something strange---it has four different names!

Tio Kane has been working to get rid of it, but it is a very tenacious virus which attaches itself to different files at random so that it is hard to locate. It causes the infected web browser to put up advertisements which claim a need for software to fix the system. Do not click on these, even to close them.

Our computer still has the virus, but Tio Kane has found a safe way for us to get our emails and use Firefox. That is certainly all I need. I can shop all day if I have Firefox. Well, I am still a little afraid of this virus thing, so I am going to finish up for today, OK? Don't worry; it is not in my blog. I am not computer savvy enough to do that to someone else, and I would never harm my computer friends. You can count on me.

Resolutions

Hello humans,

I understand that you all make resolutions for the new year which are things that you would like to do or accomplish or quit doing. Have you made any of those? Mine would be to just keep working at being fabulous! I think that is about all I can manage.

I heard Missy Linda say that hers would be to get dressed and put on her face at some point each day (unless she is actually sick or something). Wow! I am all for that! You wouldn't believe how she has let herself go around here. We have all suffered because of it. I am going to help and encourage her as much as I can to keep her resolution. She can scare away the Mormon missionaries and the Jehovah's Witnesses very well with just her acid tongue---she doesn't need to answer the door with no make-up and in her jammies (although that is a very effective tool).

Have I told you about the time that she made a door-to-door salesman get all teary eyed and say that he would pray for her? She is pretty good. If I could answer the door, I think that I could do a good job at repelling missionaries and salespeople, also. I can only hope that I can get that opportunity some day. I'll definitely tell you all about it if I get to do that, OK?

Home for the Day

Greetings humans,

Well, I think that I am stuck home for the duration of this day! Missy Linda has been in the kitchen putting a bunch of stuff in a huge pot, and she says it must cook for hours. She mentioned something about red beans and rice. That doesn't sound like something that one should have to stay home all day and cook! That sounds like something a person would eat if they don't have something better.

Missy Linda was all excited because she had gotten some ham thing down to the big ol' bone, and that's what she likes to cook with the beans for a long time. Sounds scrumptious to me---not! (I learned to talk like that from teenagers on television.) I learn a lot watching TV.

She has also started a new hobby. I guess that's what it is. Lately, there has been a big kestral hanging around out behind her back fence. That's a bird that eats other birds, PseudoUncle says. She doesn't feel right about luring birds to her back yard to be eaten, so she has decided to scare away the kestral when she sees him lurking about. What an exciting life, don't you think?

Time for Change!

Greetings humans,

I have been hearing that there are going to be big changes in the human world. Well, here are some changes I think should happen in the Tortilla Keeper Person world (specifically, this Tortilla Keeper Person):

I think that Missy Linda needs to get a lot more efficient in getting new clothes and wigs and anything else I might need for all holidays or just any day of the week.

I feel that Missy Linda must develop a much more active social life which must include me.

Missy Linda must get her homework done much more quickly so that she has plenty of time to spend on my needs.

Missy Linda should find a good job with good pay to get me the things that I want.

I think that is a good start for the changes Missy Linda should work toward, don't you?

Is It 2009 Yet?

Greetings humans,

You can see from my question that I am in a bit of a fog today. I understand that the confusion should have started lifting yesterday. I must have had a really good celebration, huh? As soon as I figure out what all happened, you'll be the first to know.

I must admit that as crazy as I think Missy Linda is, I think there are crazier women after seeing a news story this morning on GMA. There are women who play with these dolls that look like real newly born people. They actually take them out in public! Now, I think that's where they make the mistake. If they want to do this at home, who would be the wiser? But it is an entirely different matter to take one out in a stroller as if it is alive! Missy Linda gets a reprieve from my thinking she is crazy for a week for this one! I feel that is the least I can do, don't you?