Are You Chomping at the Bit?

Hi there most humans and some others,

I didn't realize that I totally missed a whole day yesterday. I think I just tuned out so well to keep from hearing Missy Linda complain about her feet aching that I went a little too deep into the zone. Anyway, she seems to think that there should be some explanation as to why her feet hurt on the tops (she calls it her instep) all of a sudden. She says that this is the first time her feet have actually hurt very much since she started working, but she can't figure out why they hurt on the tops. Then she begins whining about how she wears the same shoes she has always worn to work there . . . That's when I slipped off to la-la land in my mind.

What I was actually wondering was if you are dying to know what "dog taters" and "potate-hose" are? Or are you like me, and just know it is something stupid since Missy Linda is involved? Anyway, these are the names of some toys with treats that Missy Linda makes for Mr. Nelson. She calls them "dog taters," and Tio Kane calls them "potate-hose." Adorable, right? (gagging sound in the background)

Anyway, you know from my descriptions that Missy Linda is not the richest woman in the world, right? Well, there is a hole (or several holes) in one (or two) of the big easy chairs in the family room from which Mr. Nelson enjoys pulling out the stuffing. He doesn't make any new holes or anything. He just works with what is right in front of him. Since he enjoys the fluffy filling so much, (he doesn't eat it, just pulls it) Missy Linda makes him toys from pieces of old pantyhose stuffed with fiberfill and knotted on each end. In the middle of the stuffing she puts treats.

Of course, this makes a mess when Mr. Nelson must rip open the orbs to get to the treat, but Missy Linda doesn't seem to mind cleaning up a mess of his! She says that these keep Mr. Nelson busy longer than the toys at the store that are made to have treats hidden in them. She says he needs to have things to keep him busy when she is not here so he won't be too lonely. I really hope that she doesn't cause me to start resenting sweet Mr. Nelson!

Mr. Nelson Walks Himself

Hi there most humans and others,

Well, it seems Mr. Nelson is quite capable of taking himself for a walk when Missy Linda doesn't get it done. A couple of days ago, Missy Linda found him waiting to be let in at the front door. She found a place at the gate where he had been able to get out of the back yard. She thought she got it taken care of so that Mr. Nelson could not get out any more. Obviously not.

Yesterday morning when Missy Linda was pulling the car out of the driveway, here comes Mr. Nelson, bouncing up the driveway, just as happy as could be. Missy Linda is not afraid that he will run away too far or anything, but he could get hurt or something. He knows our part of the neighborhood very well since that is where he takes his walks. One of the routes that Missy Linda and he take is only a half block from the main road from which one turns into the neighborhood. He probably wouldn't go out there because he does not like fast cars or noises, but you never really know for sure.

Missy Linda promptly took Mr. Nelson into the house, where she gathered up some supplies. Then the two of them went out back and nailed some plastic garden fence across the gate that is broken. There is a gate on the other side of the yard anyway, and a person could step over the plastic fence anyway.

I think that Mr. Nelson is a little sad because now when Missy Linda doesn't take him for his walk, he can't go on his own. He will just have to stay in the yard and play with his "dog taters" or "potate-hose". (I'll explain later.)

Asleep at the Wheel

Hello there most humans and others,

Did you think something happened to me? Well, I guess that is the problem. Nothing has happened to me lately---good, bad or indifferent! Missy Linda goes about her life, and Tio Kane goes about his life, and I sit on the buffet in the dining room.

Missy Linda is always whining about how tired she is from her job. Boo, hoo! Tio Kane doesn't say anything but just goes about his routine. It seems that no one does anything exciting or even mildly interesting or entertaining. I did hear something about Missy Ryley and Missy Emma coming over tomorrow for some work on a Halloween costume and a walk with Mr. Nelson, but that is about it from here.

I am beginning to wonder if it's possible for me to sprout roots and grow permanently into this buffet! That would be all I need, right?----to be less able to get around!

Jon and Stephen Are Back

Greetings most humans and others,

Well, it doesn't mean much to me, but Missy Linda seems to stay on an even keel better when she can see The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and, a little less important to her, The Colbert Report. When she works in the evenings, which is the case most of the time except Saturdays and Sundays, she has trouble relaxing enough to fall asleep. Usually, her legs are achy and sometimes her back is sore. It does her (and therefore those of us who must live with her) a world of good to have these shows to help her relax.

She nearly went into some kind of a funk when she heard them say that they would both be off the air for three weeks. I think that her life is so sad that she probably thinks of them as her friends. I know that she counts on funny things to help her keep a positive attitude, and she has had a little trouble doing that lately.

Missy Linda says that there are not that many funny things that happen in a fabric store in general. At least, not as many humorous things as at college. Tio Kane has a fellow student in one of his classes who wears various pajama pants to class (like in a Lucky Charms print), but he also always wears a fedora. Missy Linda says, "See, now that is entertaining, and it definitely lightens the mood."

So far, no one has come into the fabric store dressed in anything that quirky, although, she did mention that some lady bought yellow crushed velvet and white fur to make a Santa Claus costume. She says, "That's not funny. That's just weird!"

Starting Over

Hey soggy humans and most others,

Well, I think that Missy Linda's yard is going to be about waist high by the time that it gets dry enough to mow. I don't know about her, but that is embarrassing to me! No wonder I don't have a life. . .I am sure that others judge me by the way her yard looks since I live here. The young man who mows her yard is in high school, and he does some other jobs as well, like umpiring baseball which is in its fall season in middle America. He is free only a short time each weekend, and it looks like those might be soggy for awhile. Missy Linda calls it a "Catch 22" when I mention to her that when it is too wet for baseball, he should have more free time. I am not sure exactly what she means. I think she is ridicible!

Also, it appears that Missy Linda is going to be starting from the beginning with her "calm, submissive" dog psychology. Mr. Nelson has clearly become the pack leader around here since she has started to work. When he wants to play the minute she gets home from work, she plays with him. When he bolts out the front door, she follows a long way behind. When he wants to go down a certain block on their walks, they go down that block.

Yesterday, it was hilarious around here before Missy Linda had to be at work. Mr. Nelson would come inside after getting sopping wet in the rain with mud up to his chest. He would bolt past Missy Linda at the door, and she would chase him all around the den with a towel so she could dry him somewhat. He loved it! It was the best games of chase he had had in a long time! Mr. Nelson---4, Missy Linda---0!

Not My Fault This Time

Hello there most humans and others,

Well, at least when Missy Linda did something bad this weekend, it is crystal clear that I could not have had anything to do with it at all. There's just no doubt about who did it so she can't yell at anyone but herself. Even Nelson couldn't have accidentally done this.

It seems that as Missy Linda was leaving for work on Monday, she noticed that her Blessed Basil was all wilty and thirsty. She stepped over to the faucet and grabbed the hose and watered the plants enough to make it through the day. Well, I don't know if you all know this, but Missy Linda has a few problems with directional issues - - - like left and right, counter-clockwise, that sort of thing. She doesn't generally have trouble with on and off, though.

As soon as she was on her block on her way home from work, she could tell what she had done. Water was running down the gutter to the storm drain, and it was coming from her house! When she had watered that morning, she had accidentally turned the water on full blast rather than turning it off. She had tossed the end of the hose into a flower bed out of the way so she had not seen or heard the water running. Also, she was in a hurry and was dreading a very busy day at work. She is just hoping it doesn't cost more than a couple hundred dollars for all that water- - -not that she has that much, but it would be better than if it costs more, right?

All I have to say is, "Wouldn't it have been better to just give me that money for shopping on the internet rather than wasting it like that?"

No Worries About Fashion

Greetings most humans and others,

Well, I don't know if Missy Linda would agree with my assessment of the situation, but I see a good thing about her new job that perhaps she hasn't counted on the plus side (judging from certain remarks I have heard from her.) Since she has to wear the requisite shirts provided by the fabric store and must wear black or khaki pants or skirts every day, it should nearly extinguish her need for any new clothes- - -except maybe some new orthopedic-type shoes. And, because she is working five days a week (although not many hours some days), she should be set for quite a while.

Sadly, the company provides only one black shirt and one lavender shirt for each employee. If she wants any more, she would have to purchase them. I think she would wear them until they are literally worn through the fabric, much like her cut-offs, which were worn out before she made them into shorts. She is never going to spend her hard earned wages for shirts that have a company logo!

Missy Linda says that she wouldn't mind the shirts so much if they weren't so hot. She has widespread agreement on that fact among the other employees. She says that she starts "glistening" the moment she puts on one of the shirts. That means that to be civilized about the whole situation, she must wash her shirt every night. "That's what will wear out the shirts too fast," she moans.

Poor baby! Maybe Santa could bring her some new shirts for Christmas - - -if she would stop complaining for a few minutes!!!

Tired of Being Inanimate

Dear most humans and others,

I still have not figured out how to get things done without the help of Missy Linda or some other person. I am weary of not being able to do anything or go anywhere without them. For example, just because Missy Linda is too tired or something hurts when she gets home from work or if she is too tired and stiff when she gets up in the morning, I have to pay the price by not being able to do anything! I am sick of it!

I can guarantee all of you that I have never had anything to do with causing her crickety old body to fall apart, nor have I caused her to have colds, flu, sore throats or any other sicknesses. I am innocent of causing any of her problems- - -except for a few of the credit card bills. But, really, doesn't she owe me that much? This whole situation is ridicible!

I believe I will write a letter to Dr. Stephen Hawking to see what kind of magical computerized machines he has that allow him to stay alive and talk and do his work! I'll bet he will not be able to resist a beautiful woman like I am, right? After all, he has had several very beautiful wives since becoming ill, so he must have some secrets to share.

Dodging a Bullet

Greetings most humans and others,

Oh my goodness! Mr. Nelson does not know how close he came to disaster last night! Actually, it's probably Missy Linda who really gained the most from dodging this bullet.

It is a dark and cloudy night. Missy Linda has just returned home from work at about 10:00 pm. All of a sudden, Mr. Nelson sees something out the window of the family room. He is going berserk and using his "big boy" bark. Missy Linda thinks that he is just seeing his reflection in the window- - -so she stupidly opens the back door. Out he bolts, full speed ahead!

Just as Mr. Nelson gets close to the intruder, Missy Linda sees what it is, and what it is strikes terror in her heart! She starts to yell at Mr. Nelson to come back, but it is too late. He is right next to the interloper, which just happens to be a skunk with bushy tail up and waving! Missy Linda freaks and starts yelling again, but then she realizes what time of night it is, and screams in a softer voice (like that is possible!).

Suddenly she realizes that if the skunk had sprayed, she should be smelling it by now. Glory be! There is no odor. Mr. Nelson (and Missy Linda, by association) has avoided the horrific emergency of skunk spray!

That is Missy Linda's Miracle of the Week!

No Little Girls for Us

Hi there most humans and others,

I am about to go crazy along with Missy Linda these days - - - because she is driving the speeding bus of innocent bystanders that is about to careen off the cliff into the river of crazy! I am about ready to start taking notes on those crime shows she watches so when I get all I can take of her, I will know what to do! Anybody with me out there?

She is distraught because she has to work this weekend. Of course, she is happy to have the job, and it is doing absolutely fabulous things for her bank balance, but she wishes that she could have Missy Ryley and Missy Emma over for the weekend like they all originally planned. Mr. Nick and Missy Lesley are going out of town, and Missy Linda was going to have the girls over for the weekend, but now she can't because of work. She knew she wouldn't be able to keep them a while ago, but now the weekend is almost here, and she is all tragic about it.

I wanted the girls to come over as much as she did! What about my disappointment? Those girls love to play with me, and Missy Ryley has quite a fashion sense! And what about Nelson? He and Missy Ryley have really hit it off. Now they won't get to play either! When will Missy Linda learn that she is not the only being in the world with feelings of disappointment?