As Usual

Good morning humans,

Well, my life has been turned into staying at home for all trips, social events or anything thing else that I might enjoy. Last night, everybody took Pseudo-uncle out for dinner for his birthday. I heard that they were even seated in a little alcove in the restaurant. People who might have disapproved of my being there would not have even seen me. But, did I get to go? You know the answer just because I asked the question. Come on, you people all think that you are smart.

I am getting tired of this, again! You guys know that I have a beautiful, appropriate outfit to wear to a Chinese restaurant. Remember how I looked for Chinese New Year? I was ravishing, if I do say so myself.

Missy Linda even got to meet Richard Raccoon at Pseudo-uncle's house. I have never met a raccoon. Evidently, raccoons get Hershey bars and freshly shelled pecan halves for treats---or so I heard.

Another thing about this whole mess is that my Halloween costume is still in pieces all over the place! And Missy Linda is making me be someone ugly! Can you imagine! I will never be able to pull off that! I'll let you know how that turns out, ok? (with embarrassing pictorial proof, probably!)

Check Out This

Hey humans,

Guess what? Tio Kane finally got a couple of his captions on Pundit Kitchen. On my blog, click on"I Can Has Cheezburger?" At the top of that page in the bar, click on "Lol News and Politics." Tio Kane's captions are on page 2, today. There are numbers at the bottom of the first page to click on to get to other pages. Tomorrow, his will be on page 3. You're all smart: you get it.

Tio Kane's are the ones about the credit card with Sarah Palin and John McCain. His other one is about Craig's List and torture. It is right below the first one. Tio Kane is excited because he is always sending in funny things, but they never use them. He has sent in pictures of Andrew, too. They have never been published either, although, there are a couple that look like Andrew is in them. He is kind of that "every cat."

Speaking of Andrew, you will probably be happy to know that he is doing pretty well. He kind of has the sniffles again, but he is not throwing up very often---usually only when he eats something like part of a meatball sub or some dog food. Throwing up is a bad sign for what he has. I am happy that he is not getting very much sicker very fast and so is Missy Linda. We all love our Andrew, don't we?

My Turn Now

Hello humans,

Are you all about to freeze? It is cold again here. It was in the 30's again last night. I heard Missy Linda say she needed to get some weather stripping and stuff to block the drafts. Well, I say, get busy with that Missy Linda. It is time. Actually, it already was time.

I think that she is almost finished with those costumes for the girls. I hope so. I heard something about having to do the shoes yet. Who makes shoes? Even I know that is weird! I know that she has just finished her school work for tomorrow because that's why I haven't been able to use the computer this morning. She takes so long. It's almost like she is doing something important!

I believe that now it should be my turn to get some things done by her. If she doesn't get a move on, I will not have a costume for Friday. I am smart enough to know that Friday is Halloween, and I know that I need to have a costume----a good costume! Missy Linda, it is about time for it to be my turn. Right, humans?

Politics Looks Fun

Hey humans,

I have to tell you guys that after watching TV lately, politics looks like a pretty fun thing in which to be involved. I saw Saturday Night Live last night, and it was hilarious, I must say. I want to have as much fun as they were having. Missy Linda seldom misses The Daily Show with Jon Stewart or The Colbert Report on Comedy Central. I think that they make politics look like so much fun, too. They are even studying those shows in her Comedy/Satire class. Missy Linda says that I am not getting the point of those shows, but I don't care. I can have my own opinion even if it is wrong, can't I? Isn't that the American way? Sometimes she thinks she is so smart!

I heard that Sarah Palin got $150,000.00 worth of new clothes to be in politics. Now how could that possibly be bad? I have got to get into this game, I tell you. I think that I had a good bumper sticker with my "Tortilla Keeper Rights" campaign picture. I was hoping for some T-shirts, but nobody around here got off their behinds to help me make that happen. I get so tired of having no legs or feet. That really limits what I can get done. Hey, I should use that in my campaign, too. What do you think?

A Job

Good morning humans,

I haven't written this early in a while, have I? I'll bet not many of you guys get up early except when you have to. Oops! I see now that it is nearly 9:00 am. Well, that's early to me. I don't have a solid concept of time, you know.

I heard Missy Linda talking about getting a job. I don't know how that would work. She doesn't have time to take care of me properly as it is. I am not sure this is a good thing at all. I think that she has not actually taken the job yet; they just asked her if she wanted to work there. Maybe I have time to head her off at the pass.

On the other hand, I guess she would have more money to spend on me. And I'll bet she would not sleep so much. Why do you people sleep so much? I heard on TV that you guys sleep eight hours a day. What a waste! Get up and get busy, people!

Brrrrr

Greetings humans,

Wow! Talk about winter! It was in the 30's here last night. Now that is winter! I don't actually mind it too much though, since I don't really get out that much. However, if you remember, last winter, Missy Linda left me freezing in the car for about three days. That was not funny at all!

I am pretty sure that Missy Linda did not listen to the weather forecast yesterday because she did not bring in any plants. Oops. Maybe it didn't hurt them this time as it wasn't actually down to freezing.

I am so bummed today. I have reason to believe that I am going to have another dull weekend, as usual. Missy Linda is working on Halloween costumes for a couple of those little girls, and I haven't heard her say a word about me. I have a costume all planned if she will just listen to me and then get busy on it. I think I should look fabulous for Halloween, too! Don't you think?

Winter

Hi humans,

Well, I don't know where you are, but here in Edmond, OK, it is kind of wintry today. I think the weather dude said it is about fifty degrees, but it is wet and windy. Now, to humans farther north, that may not seem cold, and it's really not. However, I will guarantee you that if I were to go outside, I would smell the smoke from the fireplaces in the neighborhood. That's fine; I'm just saying it is getting to be like it should be at this time of year from what I've heard. This is the first October that I have been allowed to leave the house since I came to Oklahoma. If you remember, I spent my first few years here HEAD DOWN IN A SHOPPING BAG!

I think that Missy Linda and Tio Kane and a million or so other Okies are hoping that it will get cold enough to put a stop to the ragweed allergies. You know how they are about those things! I've never heard so much whining and sniffling and wiping of eyes.

I heard Missy Linda talking about how she is going to make some Halloween costumes later this week. I hope that I am on that list. She has been neglecting me, as you know. I think the least, and I do mean the least, she could do is to make me a costume for Halloween. Don't you think?

It seems that it is beginning to get sort of back to normal around here, but things are still a little quiet. I think that it might be that way for a little while. We will all miss Missy Sharon for a long time. Did I tell you that she was one of my fans?

Not Funny or Sassy Today

Hello humans,

I must be becoming a human. Today I don't feel funny or sassy or feel like ragging on Missy Linda at all. I just feel sad the way that the humans around here do. Missy Linda and Tio Kane have been asleep almost all day. That's okay with me. I heard them say that they were a little wrung out. It has been a grueling few days here.

Saturday was the memorial service for Missy Sharon. I heard that it was a beautiful tribute, and that there were many people there. Missy Sharon had a sister and two brothers, and her mother was there, too. After the service, the family and close friends went out to Missy Barb's beautiful home and had some food and talk. Missy Linda's five little granddaughters were there and so was another little girl their age named Brooke. They were good distractions for some people. Children are good at that.

Missy Linda told me that her family and Missy Sharon's family knew each other long before her brother married Missy Sharon. Their dads worked at the same company when they were kids. There is the story that Missy Sharon's parents chose Missy Linda's brother for their son-in-law before he even dated Sharon. There will be a big hole in these families forever.

As some of you know, Missy Linda's family has had a very hard year. One year ago this month, Missy Linda's mother died, and in the same month her divorce became final. Two days before Christmas, the older brother to Missy Linda and Pseudo-uncle died. He was Missy Barb's husband. There were the deaths of long time beloved pets, Puck and Jackie-O. Then Missy Sharon had her terrible accident. Missy Linda's family has had enough loss for awhile. They need a break and some time to heal, don't you think?

Just Can't Compute

Humans,

Even I, Juana Tortilla, a beautiful and lovely Tortilla Keeper Person, cannot make my mind believe what has happened in Missy Linda's family. I cannot imagine what actual humans with brains and hearts are going through. Missy Linda needs to get her house cleaned because her daughter and family are coming to spend the night before Missy Sharon's memorial service. She is having trouble getting started or getting anything done. She looks kind of like those people in movies who just wander around in a daze. I can actually understand that.

I did not realize when I started this quest of learning about you humans that you all have such hard things happen to you. Missy Sharon was married to my Pseudo-uncle who sometimes leaves comments for me on my blog. Missy Sharon also kept up with my life, and she sometimes commented to me through Missy Linda's email. I will miss her very much.

One thing that I heard the humans talking about is the trip that Missy Sharon took just last month and what fun she had. Missy Sharon and her daughter Missy Leslie and her son-in-law Mr. Kirk, all went to Palau to visit Missy Sharon's son and daughter-in-law, Mr. Ron and Missy Danka. Palau is where the Survivor show was filmed last year. Missy Sharon had not seen Mr. Ron and Missy Danka for four years so she was so happy to go. She swam with dolphins and did all kinds of really neat things. Maybe Tio Kane can retrieve that picture for me from their blog of Missy Sharon swimming with the dolphins. I'll ask him, ok?

Tragic Accident

Hello humans,

I think that I may be growing a heart like you people have. Even my hollow plastic body feels the pain that permeates the family today. My hollow plastic head wonders why something like this would happen. If you humans don't have answers, I don't know where to get them. What do you humans do when these horrible, unexplainable things happen? How do you keep on going after something like this?

We had a terrible thing happen in Missy Linda's family. Missy Sharon had a terrible accident while riding her bicycle in Norman, OK, on Tuesday. Missy Linda's brother and Missy Sharon, his wife, rode their bikes every morning for exercise. They rode the same eight mile route almost every day for over fifteen years. This day things turned tragic in a way no one could have ever imagined. Missy Sharon turned too sharply and then tumbled from her bike, hitting the back of her head on the pavement. We are so sorry to report that she died from her overwhelming injury.

It has been a very hard year for Missy Linda's family. A year ago this month, Missy Linda's mother died. Then, two days before Christmas, her brother died. Now this! It seems like a lot for one family.

Missy Barb, Missy Linda and I will take our trip to San Antonio sometime later.

Please keep the family in your thoughts and prayers, ok?

What Is The Magnetism?

Hey humans,

What is it about sports with you guys? I heard that Missy Linda's team, the OU Sooners, lost their game Saturday. I thought that was supposed to be the most important game of the year, to hear you people talk. Why is Missy Linda still in love with her Sooners if they lost? Don't you dislike your team if they lose? I just don't get it. I don't think that I will ever understand you people.

Missy Linda says stupid stuff like, "Just because your team loses, it doesn't mean you are not still a fan." She says it is really more important to root for them when they are down. Ok, whatever you say. I still don't get it, though.

Hey, San Antonio, Texas: You guys get ready down there. I will be coming to visit you all later this week. I am expecting to have a really great time even though Missy Linda is going, too. Sometimes she acts as if she is my mother! Anyway, get ready for me, ok?

Network Problems

Hello humans,

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a couple of days. When I finally got my turn at the computer yesterday, the network would not let me into my blog. As you can see, things are good now. We so seldom have that type of problems here that it is kind of a shock when it happens. We just wander around (Well, actually, I just sit there) with a glazed look in our eyes wondering what could possibly happen next? Could the sun rise in the west? Could the financial systems of the world collapse? Oops! Oh, wait!

On the news reports, it sounds as if you humans are in for a tough go of things! I am wondering if all of this is going to affect me. I am trying to imagine all the possibilities. If Missy Linda should become destitute and homeless, would one of you lovely humans step up and let me live with you? I mean, Missy Linda is fairly nice to me, but the relationship ends when the niceness ends. If I am shoved head down in a grocery bag and toted off to a homeless shelter, the gloves are off! You guys know that my biggest fear is again being forced to live head down in a grocery bag, or even an attractive gift type bag!

Please do whatever your government asks you to do to keep Missy Linda afloat. You don't want the beautiful and lovely Juana Tortilla to suffer, do you?

Jackie O

Greetings humans,


I just want to take a moment to say good-bye to Jackie O. She was the beloved companion of my Pseudo-uncle. I never met Jackie O personally, but Missy Linda had. I understand that she was a lovely dog and a good friend.She had an enjoyable live, bacon and eggs, lots of attention and pretty much whatever she wanted. She was the ripe old age of thirteen human years at the time of her passing. Good-bye Jackie O. Those who knew you enjoyed the experience.

I Want Rights Too!

Greetings humans,

It is about time that someone stood up for me, so that's what I intend to do! I hope that you will join me in supporting only those candidates who say that they will vote for legislation that gives rights to people like me. Surely, health care should be a right for everyone, not just a privilege. Missy Linda doesn't have health insurance and neither do I. I am not so concerned about her, but I do worry for myself. I have never been sick, but I am sure it could happen. I must be prepared for any eventuality.



I will admit that I want Missy Linda to be able to get help paying for her college. The sooner she gets that degree, the sooner she will be able to get a job. The sooner that she gets a job, the sooner that I will be able to buy clothes and go places and get my hair done by a professional. Oh, how I long for those days!

Please help out a Tortilla Keeper Sister and vote for the candidate that is for me! OK?

Elections

Hello humans,

Are you guys all thinking about only the elections these days? That is what it seems like to me when I watch television or hear Missy Linda and Tio Kane talking. Isn't there any thing else going on in your lives? It does not seem like it to me. All I hear around here is politics, and from Missy Linda, I hear about her stupid classes and what she calls "her life." (Like she actually has one! Poor thing.)

Am I the only one who is upset about Kenley's still being on Project Runway? Surely there are some of you who think that she is a one trick pony---not to mention her unwavering rudeness to Tim and all the judges! No one should ever speak to Tim that way---ever! She is lucky that I have no way to get to New York or I would take care of her once and for all!

Have any of you heard anything in all this election talk about Tortilla Keeper People? I have not heard word one. I want rights, too! I want the things for myself that you humans want for yourselves. I want health care and tax relief and free stuff and a goody bag. Isn't that what everybody else wants? If any of you hear of any candidate for Tortilla Keeper People Rights, please let me know, ok?

No Cheerleading For Me

Hello humans,

Well, as you can see, or cannot see, since there is no picture, I still do not have my cheerleading outfit so that I can cheer for OU. Missy Linda is just not on the ball these days. (Pun intended.) She is driving me crazy with puns these days. Some Shakespeare play she is studying is filled with puns, and she seems to think that if she has to learn something, so do I. Sorry, I am not interested.

Back to cheerleading: I think that I should be allowed to have an outfit for the number one team in the nation, don't you? I think that is certainly more important than Halloween costumes for little girls and quilts! That seems to be all she cares about. What is so important about little girls wanting to be Mulan or American Girl dolls? I just don't get it. It is not at all the same thing as my dressing as Marie Antoinette or dressing up for Chinese New Year or getting into the spirit for Cinco de Mayo---oops! Never mind.

I Want That House

Greetings humans,


So what do you think of me in pink? I read recently that Mary Kay Ash's house is for sale. You know who Mary Kay Ash was, right? She was Mary Kay cosmetics. Don't you think that would be perfect for me? The only problem is that, of course, everything (everything!) in the house is pink. I think I look great in pink, don't you? If you humans can get plastic surgery and botox and all kinds of things like that, it shouldn't be too hard for me to turn pink.
Anyway, the house has 12,ooo square feet with twenty rooms. Wouldn't that be perfect for me? The price is just under $5 million. Is that a lot for a house? If it is, I am sure it would still be worth every penny. I wonder if Missy Linda would be able to buy that for me. Do you think she would? I am absolutely sure that Miss Mary Kay would want a real diva like me to have her home, don't you think?

Another Sad Day

Hello humans,

It is kind of a somber day here at Missy Linda's house. The vet called with bad news about the health of my friend Andrew. You remember Andrew, don't you? He is the chip stealing, margarita drinking king cat around here. He will be eighteen years old this month. Anyway, the vet says that he is pretty sick and that he will be getting sicker. He has some liver problems and now some kidney problems. As with many king cats, he does not like to eat his special diet for his liver-----like no margaritas! He refuses to admit he has a problem.

Missy Linda is letting all of this news settle onto her for today. I guess that means that she won't be helping me with my Ford Modeling Contest application! I understand though because Andrew has been my friend since I first came to Missy Linda's house. Please keep a good thought for him, ok?


I don't know what happened down below here, but I can't make it go away. Oops. I am sure it is Missy Linda's doing, right?

A Quiet Day

Hello Humans,

I am hoping for a quiet day around here as far as Missy Linda is concerned. You know---no weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. She can be a little dramatic sometimes. Usually, at this time of year, she is carrying on about her head exploding because of allergies, but, this year, she actually looks as if it might happen. Even though she says that she doesn't feel any worse than she usually does during this period, her head looks puffy! Well, maybe, it is just her face that looks that way---like a puffer fish without the barbs. People have even mentioned it to her. She doesn't mind that as she says she would rather know the truth. (Someday we will see about that, ok?)

Anyway, I expect her to be quiet today because she finally got an A on a paper in her Shakespeare class. Not an important paper, but she is just happy to get one on anything in that class. She also got her first A of the semester in her Comedy/Satire class, which she considers to be her most important class. She really wants to learn every thing she can in that class, because she dreams of being a satirist. She has a long way to go, doesn't she?

I just want her to be calm and happy today so that I can work on my application for the Ford Modeling Contest! Can you believe it yet?