I Am Dreaming of Strawberries

Hi everyone,

I learned that I really love strawberries at Parade of Cakes! I am beginning to love this thing about not needing food to live but just enjoying it for its own sake. If you remember, I do not actually need to eat food to live, and it doesn't cause me to gain weight or anything when I do eat it! I'll bet you are all jealous of me, right?Strawberry cake is pretty darn good, I must say. And is there anything better than some beautiful sliced ripe strawberries on ice cream or with just some whipped topping? Oh, my! I believe my tiny plastic mouth is watering! I will say that I totally enjoyed the breakfast rolls that Missy Linda invented last weekend with strawberries in them. Mmmmm.

Tomorrow is Missy Linda's birthday! She doesn't seem to be upset about it like I hear a lot of you humans are. She is probably so old that she just doesn't care any more------she's just glad to be alive! Ha! I think she is going some place to celebrate, but I haven't heard where it is. I hope I get to go alone if it is someplace fun. Do old people go to Incredible Pizza? That's where Ryley had her party last Saturday. Well, if I get to go, you will definitely get a report----and if I don't get to go, you will hear about it, too, ok?

Sugar Crash!

Hello,
I think I understand what you humans mean when you talk about a "sugar rush" and then the "crash". That must be what I am having today. I feel kind of wiped out. Maybe Missy Linda will leave me alone today since she is whining about how much work she has to get done! I'm hoping she will be too busy to notice me. I doubt it, though. She will probably want me to do something to help. Well, she can just want on. If she can't come up with a better Parade of Cakes than she did this time, she can just forget about my helping her get things done. Juanita Tortilla doesn't help lazy people! You can write that down someplace as one of my rules.

Well, I have to let Missy Linda turn off the computer so she can go upstairs to work. TTYL.

Here Come the Cakes!

Good morning,

Well, here are the cakes for this Parade of Cakes. It turned out that there were only three. Since Ryley was having her party the next day, we decided against the fourth cake-----or THEY decided against the fourth cake! As you can see, the decorations on the cakes has dwindled down to just candles. Missy Linda used to decorate them. I keep telling you how lazy she is, don't I?It's kind of sad how big the numbers are getting on those cakes, isn't it? Those humans always say that it is better than the alternative. That's hilarious! All I've got to say is that I want to see more cakes and more decorations next time! At least she didn't try to get away with takeout food this time. She's been doing that a lot lately. Well, I am hoping for a much bigger extravaganza next time, aren't you?

Great Weekend

Good morning,

Boy, I must have been exhausted! I didn't realize how long it's been since I wrote last. We did actually get to have Parade of Cakes this weekend. It was fun. I know many of you are still on the holiday weekend, but our celebrating part is over for us.See, I told you that those little girls love me. This is me with Amelia, and that is Emma in the background. It was so hot on Friday afternoon, I don't know how they stayed outside to play so long. They colored with sidewalk chalk and blew bubbles and rode bicycles. Both Maitlyn and Elspeth can ride with their training wheels off. Mr. Nick came over in his "new" car, a 1967 GTO. He used to put that on his Christmas and birthday wish lists every year. Missy Barb came over for dinner and the actual eating of the cakes, also.

I heard Missy Lesley, Emma and Ryley's mother, say that both of those girls had to have baths before they could come over to the party because Ryley colored both of them green-----not all over, but a lot! See, I've never done anything like that! The more I find out about you humans, the more I am puzzled!

Today is Ryley's third birthday. Her party was Saturday, though. We all went to Incredible Pizza. It is pretty loud there so we wound up the party in about four hours. A great time was had by all!

Working Hard

Good afternoon,

As you can see, I am very hard at work today writing to you. Thank goodness Missy Linda finally turned on the computer for me. She thinks she is busy today because she is actually doing a little housework for Parade of Cakes. It's not that she doesn't ever vacuum or anything; she just doesn't do the whole downstairs all at once unless someone is coming.Missy Linda says that it's not that she doesn't appreciate a clean house, she just doesn't like to do the work to get it that way. She would much rather just piddle around and not do the real work. She has a coffee mug that says, "Housework? I'm busy crafting." I hope she doesn't expect me to do anything! If I can hardly get her to turn on a switch for me and lift me up into the computer chair, I am not in the mood to do anything for her.

Tomorrow the two oldest girls who are coming to visit, Maitlyn and Elspeth, are going to bring their bicycles. They can ride without their training wheels, and they want to practice here because Missy Linda lives on a cul-de-sac, and there are sidewalks. Where the girls live, they don't have sidewalks, and it is very hilly. They should be ready for some cake after that, don't you think?

You Won't Believe This

Greetings,

Tio Kane says that I am going to get a page on MySpace! Can you believe that? I'm not totally sure what that means, but I think it's supposed to be great. I think it makes me famous: is that correct? Well, anyway, I will let you know what develops, ok? I'll bet Missy Linda will be totally mad about this! Ha, ha. She has not been very attentive to me lately, so she had better watch out!
She thinks just because I am inanimate and don't have feet that I cannot go out and have a life of my own. Well, she might just find out who is inanimate!

She still thinks that I am going to help her do work in the flower beds and stuff. I don't know where she gets these crazy notions! Although, I will say that my mandevilla that I helped plant are doing well, even though Missy Linda made me plant them where they don't get enough sun. She says those trees in the front yard are getting so big she didn't realize that they shaded that area. I think she picks a spot and thinks the plant will do what she wants it to do whether it is the right place for the plant or not. She kind of thinks that her will trumps nature and everyone else! I keep telling you how crazy she is, don't I?

See, I Can Do It

Good morning,

See, if Missy Linda will turn on the computer, I can definitely do my own work. She just forgets about me all the time. Or sometimes, she just gets busy, and her stuff is more important to her than mine is. Can you believe her?Maybe I could get Tio Kane to make me a ladder or something I could use to climb up to use the computer after I turn on the darn thing. I can reach the button from the floor, but then, I can't get up to use the computer by myself. I have got figure out how to get this done somehow! What I really need is a mechanical lift of some kind-----yes, like an elevator! That's it! I am going to get someone to work on that immediately even though Missy Linda will probably say I am silly. In the long run, it will help her, too. Don't you think that is the perfect idea?

Almost Time for Parade of Cakes-----Again

Greetings all,

How is the weather where you are? It is nice and cool here this morning after it rained in the night. Boy! Can you believe all the bad weather everywhere lately? Missy Barb had some things ruined at her house from lightning-----and she had most things unplugged!

As the title says, it's almost time for another Parade of Cakes at Missy Linda's house. Last time there was chicken pox, and I don't remember what all else, and then it kind of fizzled out. This time I hope that we get to have it as scheduled. A week from tomorrow, which would be Friday, at dinner, at least three birthdays will be celebrated-----but, probably, four. There are actually two more birthdays in the family that month, but these are the ones that we will celebrate. We will celebrate Missy Lesley's, Mr. Brett's, Missy Ryley's, and Missy Linda's birthdays. Another Missy Leslie (notice spelling) also has a birthday in May and so does Missy Lesley's dad. On Saturday, Missy Ryley will have her own party at a birthday-party-extravaganza-pizza place. She will be three years old. I hope that I get to go to that party, too. At least I am sure that I will get to celebrate the ones at Missy Linda's house.

So far I know that there have been requests for two strawberry cakes. That's all right because there's more than one way to make a strawberry cake. The point of Parade of Cakes is that each birthday celebrant gets his/her own choice of cake or other dessert to celebrate his/her birthday------no matter how many we are celebrating at one time! There are stupid hats and usually, some other stupid stuff. I love it when you humans embarrass yourselves by acting silly. The best part is, you guys don't even realize how embarrassed you should be! It usually works out that we have this three or maybe four times a year. That's as often as Missy Linda's family can all get together. There is food running out everyone's wazoo by the end of the evening! It is all great fun, and the five little girls certainly enjoy all that cake. I can hardly wait-----how about you?

I Cannot Believe This!

Hi,
First of all, I cannot believe what a terrible photographer that Missy Linda is! This is a picture that she took yesterday of one of the giant raccoons that visit her back yard. What a crappy picture! I will admit that she has a very inexpensive camera that doesn't take shots from a distance very well, but, still! And also, she did have to shoot it through the window so that the raccoon would not hear her. That raccoon, I can attest, is very much bigger than it appears in this picture. It can stand up and take down a bird feeder from the post and carry it as far as the fence. We have actually seen that! As you can also see, Missy Linda does not do Photo Shop. It is Tio Kane who crops the photos and gets them ready for Missy Linda. Like I frequently say, I worry about Missy Linda. It's kind of sad how helpless she is, isn't it? Besides the bad photo-taking, is that yard pitiful, or what? She actually goes out there and does yard work-----on occasion. It is pretty depressing that this is as good as she gets it done. Poor Missy Linda.

Also, I cannot believe that it is Wednesday! I must have slept through at least one whole day! I didn't realize it had been two days since Sunday. You don't suppose that she tricked me, do you? I can't keep up with what day it is and stuff if I can't see a calendar or the television or something with which to orient myself. I wonder if she is up to something. What do you think?

Congratulations!

Greetings,

Congratulations are in order today for Ashley in Albuquerque! She is graduating today. In the fall she will be attending Trinity University on a soccer scholarship. Well done, Ashley.
Wish I was there to join the fun. I hope to see you soon though.

Love,
Juana

The Bunnies Are Back

Good morning,

See, I was able to get up this morning----finally. Missy Linda was glad to turn on the computer for me because she is busy watching the cottontails in the back yard. She is all excited because she hasn't seen them for a long, long time. She was worried that the bobcat that hangs around back behind the fence had eaten them. I don't know if I told you that last summer the bobcat was actually in the back yard once. Well, only once that we actually saw him. He certainly was beautiful. Anyway, Missy Linda has heard that bobcats really like to eat bunnies, so that is why she was worried.

Missy Linda is all annoyed because she was supposed to be in Albuquerque today with Missy Barb, but she had a bunch of extra work come up so she had to stay here to get it done. She was going to go to Ashley's graduation from La Cueva High School. I was invited, too! My name was actually on the envelope with the announcement! I have finally arrived! I was so excited when I thought I was going to get to take a trip without being head down in a shopping bag! Missy Linda and Missy Barb told me that we will go out there later this summer just to visit. I can hardly wait! I know that Missy Ashley likes me.

Well, I have to tick a lock. Here comes Missy Linda for her turn at the computer. I'll talk to you all later.

Sleeping Late Is Sometimes Nice

Good afternoon,

Well, I certainly slept late today, didn't I? I think I am finally recovering from the party, and Missy Linda has just about got it all cleaned up now. That's why I figured it was a good time to sleep late----that and the giant margaritas!

Missy Linda had to go to her final class today for this semester. It was actually designated the day for the final exam, but they just finished working on critiquing everyone's final project. Missy Linda said that it is brutal sometimes having to sit there while other students tell you what they don't like about your story or poem. Some of these same students will be in a class with her next fall with the same professor. You remember Dr. Givan, don't you? She is looking forward to that. She is always so whiny and sad when school is over. You know those old people like school a lot more than young people who actually have lives. Sometimes Missy Linda is so pathetic! Maybe I can help her to get a life this summer!

Well, I'm still a little groggy from sleeping so long. I'll sign off for today, and I'll talk to you all in the morning, ok?

Recovery Will Be Soon

What day is it today? Well, good morning, whatever day it is. I know it is sometime after the fifth of May! Oh, my! That is one big margarita! I'm probably lucky being awake if it is still the same week, right? A slender girl like me shouldn't try such a big drink, but I am willing to take that chance------at least I was willing on Cinco de Mayo!





I must admit that I am becoming one great cook, too. Look at this fabulous guacamole. I really haven't figured out why you humans think cooking is such a big deal. You open some packages of stuff, and sometimes you must heat it a little. What is the problem? It seems easy enough to me.




The rest of these pictures are the beautiful spread on the table. None of my guests were willing to sign a waiver to let me use photos of them doing potentially embarrassing things at a drunken party. You will just have to believe me that there were others at the party. They are all just a bunch of ungrateful hooligans. They may have done the right thing for themselves-----you should have seen the idiotic way some acted! It would have been priceless------for me! Maybe next year you can join me-----with a signed waiver, of course.

A Great Party After All

What time is it anyway? Well, good morning, I suppose.


After all the drama with Missy Linda, I had a great party! Tio Kane did most of the work, though. Look at my beautiful dress! I look fabulous, don't I?


Here I am coming in the door after running an errand. I am ready for the party.Wow! Doesn't the table look beautiful. I'll show you more of the table tomorrow. It's too much for one day.




Let's get this party started! Thanks for that margarita! That really hit the spot!



Well, I'm going to hit the hay, all. I will tell you more about the party tomorrow, or whenever I wake up.

Thanks, Tio Kane!

I'll Never Get Ready

Hi partiers,
I will never get ready for my party at this rate! Can you believe that Andrew is hitting the margaritas already? It's still morning. I will have to go get more supplies at this rate. And how do you think he is going to feel by the time the party rolls around? I don't think that he will be in tip top shape. As a matter of fact, I think he will be lucky if he can stand up! I had better hurry with this so I can hide the alcohol.



Now, look what he's into! Nothing is safe with him around. Those humans just let him do anything he wants, and now, he's going to ruin my party. Ok, you guys, don't mention to anyone who is coming to the party that you saw Andrew eating the food. I think he is even a double dipper! We are just lucky that the guacamole is not put out yet, right? Well, I have to go so I can run to the store again. See you at the party!

Not Going Any Better

Hi, all you Cinco de Mayo celebrators,
As you can see, preparations for the party are going no better than yesterday. I am starting to worry. Hey, wait! Andrew , where do you think you are going? As you can see in this picture, even Andrew thinks that learning about Mexico is too boring! He can just walk away whenever he wants to go. Missy Linda makes me stay right there and learn a bunch of stuff just because I want to have a party! I wonder what Andrew made on his test about Mexico, don't you?






As you can tell, Missy Linda is not doing any better in the clothing department for me. Do you think she has any idea what a tape measure is? I don't have a clue how she believes that these dresses could possibly work. No one could alter a dress that much! I am about to blow my top! She had better get herself in gear today because this is the last day to get ready!
By the way, have all of you received your invitations to my party?

It Is About Time!

Greetings,

Can you believe this! Missy Linda finally starts getting ready for my party, and this is what she comes up with! This look is really going to work for me! She is driving me crazy! I hope she will take me shopping to find some things that I could actually use. I can tell this is going to be a much bigger job than I expected!





Again, can you believe this! Missy Linda and Tio Kane treat me like I am one of those little girls! Everything has to be a learning experience. If they can't stuff some knowledge into my little brain, then they are not having a good time. I don't need to know all this stuff.
I'll bet you any amount of Missy Linda's money there will be a test over this material. I do not care where Mexico City is. Anyway, I heard that Cinco de Mayo is not as big in Mexico as it is here. There is just one state that makes it a big deal down there! Ha! I knew something!

STYROFOAM BASED TORTILLA KEEPING PEOPLE JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!
Where did she put those margarita glasses?


I can tell you another thing; Andrew is going to have to perk up considerably before Monday if he is going to be at my party. Can you believe how unexcited he is? He is always a pretty mellow cat, but this is getting ridicible! (That is a real word in Missy Linda's circle of friends.)










Please, friends of Juana Tortilla, please, pray for me that Missy Linda can get hold of herself and get this party done right. My party may be in your hands!