New Friends

Hello humans,

I have to hurry with this. Missy Linda will be here taking over the computer in a couple of minutes. She says she is going to be glued here for the next two days writing some papers for school---except for when she runs to the library. That's all right with me because I am a little annoyed with her anyway.

I had never met Missy Leslie and Mr. Kirk in person before Thanksgiving, and Missy Linda didn't let me get in the middle of everything. I personally feel that my new friends wanted to see me act as I normally would, you know, trying to be the center of attention. I hardly got to do anything. I did not have a Pilgrim's costume or a turkey costume (too stupid for me, anyway), and all I got to do was sit on the dessert buffet. I did get my picture taken by PseudoUncle, but that is about it. I certainly thought I would get to do more than I did. I guess I'm probably lucky that I did not have to wash dishes, though, right?

I have to admit that the idea of the holiday is a good one. I was and am thankful for a lot of things, and now I realize that my life is not as bad as it could be. I will try to remember that I actually have a life nowadays (sometimes). Maybe I can nicely encourage Missy Linda to let me be more involved in interesting pursuits---that involve new outfits and wigs! That would work for me!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Greetings humans,

I just want to say that Missy Linda and I are so thankful that the old man of the house, Mr. Andrew, is still here with us today. We did not think that he would still be plugging along at this late date. As you may remember, he was eighteen years old last month, and he has liver and kidney problems (or so the expensive blood tests indicated). He does not seem to be in pain, and he still wants to go outside on warm days, and he can get up onto the bed, and he eats a lot and still drinks (we have cut out the margaritas).

We have a baby gate on the stairs to keep Mr. Andrew from going upstairs. Tio Kane does not like for him to come up there because Mr. Andrew plays mean tricks on Tio Kane. Missy Linda decided the other day that it would probably be safe to take down the gate except when the little girls are visiting. Low and behold, when Tio Kane came out of the door to his room, there sat Andrew! We had to put the gate back. That's a good sign to us.

Even if you are having a hard time, surely there is something for which each of you can be thankful. Missy Linda is grateful for many things even though she says this has been a trying couple of years for her. It might be hard to think of something for which to be glad, but surely there is one little thing---and sometimes, that is enough to get us through the day, right?

Running Late

Hello humans,

Well, are you all about ready for the holiday? I am beginning to worry about what is going to happen around here. Missy Linda doesn't seem to be even starting to get ready. Well, at least we are having ours on Friday, rather than Thursday. That gives everyone a chance to go to the holiday at two different celebrations without having to eat two meals in one day.

I get tired of watching Missy Linda try to do things. I believe that she lacks a certain organizational gene or something. She tells me that she just has to get things done in the order of the deadlines. For instance, she says that she has to go see someone about a job today. That is more important because that must be done today. Yesterday, she said that she had class almost all day---boo, hoo! Soon she is going to be in a panic because she has two papers due on Tuesday, and she is going to be in deep you-know-what. One of them is a research paper. I just don't have much sympathy for her most of the time. She should have worked on that paper rather than go to that party the other night, don't you think?

Home Again, Naturally

'Morning humans,

Well, as the title implies, I was forgotten at home again last night! I am sure that comes as no surprise to any of you, right? There I was sitting right in plain sight on the buffet in the dining room, and she walked out without me. I am going to have to figure out how to make some kind of noise to get her attention.

She had to go to a play performance at UCO for a class, but then there was a party at a professor's house afterward. I have even met this professor! Remember, last year when I went to a class with her? His name is Dr. Givan. All the students (well, almost all) love his classes. Missy Linda did say, though, that she is not sure a student should see a professor that drunk before the end of the semester. She can hardly wait to get to class to see if he remembers what he said. She is not sure which would be funnier---if he does or if he doesn't!

I might get to go to class soon, though. Dr. Givan wants to take some pictures of the students by the grades they will receive for the semester. (!) Anyway, I might be able to work myself into a couple of those. Nothing below a "B" though, right?

Thankful

Greetings humans,

I understand that the holiday you people celebrate this week is called Thanksgiving. So, I guess it is time for all of you to start thinking of some things for which you are thankful. Personally, I suppose that I am grateful because I am not forced to live head down in a shopping bag anymore (most of the time). I guess that I should be thankful for the new dresses, outfits and wigs that I have that Missy Linda made for me (even though there are not very many of them).

I know that Missy Linda is very happy that the washer wasn't really broken, and it needed only to be slapped around a little. She is thankful that she gets to go to college, even if she has to use credit cards when she shouldn't. I know that she is glad that she has five little granddaughters, some with curly hair, some with straight hair, and all with different shades of blue eyes (oh yeah, and their parents). She is glad that Tio Kane lives here to tell her to take a chill pill when she needs to hear that. I think that should be enough for her personal Thanksgiving.

For what are you people thankful?

Please, Shut Up

Hello humans,

How does a Tortilla Keeper Person get a human to shut up? That is not a joke with a punch line; that's a real question. I have to say that Missy Linda is finally (?) starting to drive me crazy! She will not shut up---and, it is all complaints about one thing or another.

Day before yesterday, she was griping because she had to memorize a soliloquy from "Hamlet" in one day and write two papers for the class. She had a test in another class the next day, and her final project was due in yet another class. Oh, boo hoo!

Yesterday, it was whining because she did not have to actually recite the soliloquy after all that work. Then she thinks she made a bad grade on the test, and she got a parking ticket on campus. None of her classmates who parked in the same lot with the same improper parking sticker got one. Please, be quiet!

She just started this minute yelling something about the washing machine's being broken. Earlier this week, it was the microwave that broke. Does anyone see the common denominator in these situations? You are correct---it is Missy Linda! Now she is going to complain about waiting for repair dudes to come, and then it will be the price of the repair. I know how these things go with her. I'll bet by the end of the day, the car will break down or something will explode around here.

I personally feel that she is some type of menace. I start to worry a little about my own safety at times like these. Does anyone out there hear me?


Oh! Glory! Glory! Missy Linda has just jiggled or slapped or abused the washer in some way to get it going again. She is pretty good at that sort of thing. I guess I had better watch out, huh?

Crappy Day for Me

Hello humans,

Why do you humans have so many crappy days to complain about? Missy Linda is all bent out of shape today because she has so much work to do for school for Thursday. She is whining that she already had a day's work to do, and then yesterday her Shakespeare professor gave them a week's worth of work to do in one day. Boy! Is she cranky today!

Ordinarily, I would ignore her, but she will be using the computer all day and night, and I won't get to shop online or write. That's when it crosses my line! Oops! Here she comes! I'll see you all tomorrow, OK?

Hardly Any Trips for Me

Hello humans,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISSY JOANIE!

That is the most important thing to say today. I like to wish you humans a happy birthday even though I do not seem to have one. It seems like kind of a big deal with you people so I want to participate in the merriment---although Missy Joanie lives in Albuquerque. I'm sure you remember , I was supposed to visit in Albuquerque last spring. As usual, something came up and Missy Linda and I did not get to go. Missy Barb and Mr. Patches went by themselves. I heard everyone had a wonderful time, and I know that there are a lot of Hispanic things out there. I was hoping to learn something about my heritage---you know, architecture, food, language, maybe even a family.

Then, when Missy Linda and I were supposed to go to San Antonio to visit Missy Ashley, it was Missy Amelia's birthday so we went to that. Missy Joanie and Missy Barb and Mr. Patches went to San Antonio and had a great time---except for when Missy Barb's car broke down in a scary place! I did get to go to Missy Amelia's party though, and it was fabulous!

Missy Barb, Missy Carol and Missy Linda had a slumber party Friday night, and I did not get to go to that, either! Missy Linda said she was in such a hurry when she was leaving that she just forgot me. Forgot me! Can you imagine! I'll bet there are humans out there among you all who would not just FORGET ME! Well, isn't there?

Welcome, Sam

Hello humans,

Well, your fold has been increased by one. Sam Turner Flaniken was born yesterday morning in Oklahoma City. He is Ryley and Emma's cousin. His mommy is Miss Lesley's sister. It seems like you people make a big production about having a new one of yourselves get here. And, by the way, where do they come to here from? (I don't mean the birds and the bees, people!)

I am so puzzled by so many things that you humans do. I thought I would have it all figured out by now. I never have heard anything about any baby Tortilla Keeper People being born. I have never seen it in the newspaper or heard it on the news. I have never seen anyone else exactly like me! I am beginning to feel like an alien. This is becoming worrisome.

Well, Missy Linda says I have to get off the computer because she needs to do something before she vacuums. Ryley and Emma are coming over to play today, and they play in the floor a lot. I personally don't see what a little dog hair and dirt could do to a kid, but Missy Linda gets her panties all in a bunch about it. Talk to you later, OK?

Never My Turn

Hello humans,

Well, I am a little late in the day today, aren't I? I think that Missy Linda forgot about letting me have my turn at the computer. If you all remember, I cannot turn on the computer and then get up into the chair by myself. It is still my goal to try to find a way to get that done without any person's help. Then I would be able to use the computer any time I wanted to---just like you humans do.

I will get to do some things that I like to do on Friday. I think that Emma and Ryley are going to come over to play with me on Friday. They are going to be having a new little cousin in a day or two, and their mom will be busy with that. That is good with me because they are a lot of fun, and they like to play Barbies and dress up and all the things that I like to do.

Uh-oh. Here comes Missy Linda. She is kicking me off the computer so that she can get her homework done. Big deal! She is always saying she has to do that. I am starting to wonder if that is true all the times she says it. What do you think?

Great Party

Hello humans,

This is me with Amelia and some of her birthday gifts. Aren't we as cute as can be? Amelia has just reached the age where she tries to use a "camera smile" rather than her own beautiful smile. I have noticed that all human kids seem to go through this phase. It's a shame that they get self-conscious. Amelia isn't even showing her dimple! Anyway, we had a fabulous time. Notice the beautiful tiara that she is wearing----hint, hint, Missy Linda. I really like that.

Oh, my! I can hear it raining outside. It's a good thing that it is not as cold as it was on Sunday! Missy Linda saw a little bird who just looked in the bird watering dish and then flew away. She thought that the water was gone so she went out there with a pitcher to refill it. It wasn't gone at all---it was frozen! The whole top layer about three eights of an inch thick was frozen. The weather dude said that it was 33 degrees so that seems weird. Anyway, it's not frozen this morning.

Well, Missy Linda is trying to get me to hurry up and finish this. She says she has home work to do. As you all know by now, she thinks that her needs trump my needs every time. That sucks, doesn't it?

I'm Beat!

Hello humans.

Well, I am kind of groggy this morning. I went to Fayetteville, AR, yesterday to Missy Amelia's 3rd birthday party. I had a fabulous time. There were a lot of people there that I did not know, of course. That's part of the reason that I like to go places---to meet new humans.

Oh, my goodness! I want to have a birthday party! Missy Amelia got some great presents! A little boy named Jack got her some beautiful pink sparkly shoes. Jane brought her a set of fabulous jewelry with huge pink stones that flashed with light. I have never seen jewels like that before. Does anyone know what those are called? There was a tiara, necklace, huge ring, two bracelets, and I don't know what else in the set. She got new clothes. Who wouldn't love that? I can't even remember the rest, except for a tea set. It was glorious!

I think I had better go and try to recover from the splendor of it all, don't you?

Out of Here!

Humans,

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISSY BARB!

Now, I will talk to the rest of you yahoos tomorrow----maybe. I am out of here! I am on my way with Missy Linda to Fayetteville for Missy Amelia's birthday party. Yea! I love birthday parties! And Missy Amelia loves me.

So long for today. OK?

Now, Back To Me

Greetings humans,

Well, the election is over. Did your guy or gal win? Missy Linda and Tio Kane are glad about who is going to be President, but they are not happy about some of the other races. Anyway, that is in the past, and it is time to talk about me again.

Like I said the other day, tonight is the dinner for Missy Barb's birthday. I am trying to figure out a plan to make sure that I get to go. Missy Linda has been forgetting about me a lot lately, and I need to put a stop to that!

On Friday, Missy Barb and Missy Joanie are going on the trip to San Antonio. Missy Linda and I could not go because we are going to Missy Amelia's birthday party in Fayetteville, AR. Missy Barb and Missy Linda keep saying to me that we will go to San Antonio next spring, but I am not so sure that I will ever get to go, now. I really wanted to see what my culture is like and look for long lost family members. Oh, well, next spring it is!

Go Do It!

Humans,

Just go vote today, if you have not already done it. And remember, Missy Linda and I need health insurance. OK?

What's Next?

Hello humans,

Well, I have celebrated Halloween, and I am attempting to get elected to something. What's next? Tomorrow is election day, and since I did not get on the ballot any where, I really do not expect to win---this time. So, that leaves me pretty free. What do you humans do next?

Missy Linda is sometimes running behind in her planning for things, so I am asking you all. If I need a beautiful outfit or need to get my hair done for something, I like to know ahead of time. Do you know that she did not make my Halloween wig until that day? That really worries me when we are cutting things that close. I like to savor my appearance ahead of time.

Last week Missy Linda, Missy Barb, Missy Carol and Mr. Fred took Pseudo-uncle out to dinner for his birthday, as I mentioned at the time. Remember? I did not get to go! This week, it is Missy Barb's birthday, and they are going out to eat again. I suppose I won't get to go this time, either. Then on Friday, it is Amelia's third birthday party. Missy Linda will be going to Fayetteville for that celebration, but I am figuring that she won't take me even though Missy Amelia particularly loves me. She calls me "Juana Tor-teeeeee-a". I love it!

You can see why I would ask what the next celebration is, in case I don't get to go to any of the family things coming soon. I think that I am being frozen out of my adopted family, don't you?

Almost Time to Vote!

Greetings humans,

I understand that Tuesday is election day. I know that I did not get on the ballot, but I have heard that in some places, a name can be written in. If you live where you can do that, please vote for me. Next time, I will understand the process, and I can get my name on the ballot. Of course, I will have to decide what office I would like to hold. Maybe you all can help me with that.

What do you think that I would be good at doing? I could run for vice president. They don't do much at all. Don't they really mostly just travel and make nice with other countries and stuff? I could do that easily. I heard that there is a big house that comes with the job, too. I think that I am much more strikingly beautiful than that lady who is running now. Also, I don't wear glasses, and I don't have a pile of kids. I would be free to really do some diplomatic work, don't you think?

Anyway, even if you can't write in my name, go out and vote. I will just have to wait until next time to really run. Just go and vote, OK?

Halloween

Greetings ghosties and ghoulies,

How was your Halloween? Mine turned out great! Tio Kane and Missy Linda came through and got me all ready for scaring kids to death. Most of our little Trick or Treaters were too little to understand me, but it was fun anyway. I helped Missy Linda give them candy.



Don't you think that I make an unusually magnificent "Bride of Frankenstein"? I don't know who that is, but I think I make the best one ever! I looked much too stunning to really terrify anyone. I like it that way. Sometimes, it is a slight disadvantage being so captivating, but it is a problem with which I can deal. How do you like my fabulous up-do? I have to admit, Missy Linda is a good hair stylist.

Well, I've got to go and get some rest. Next year, I am going to throw a huge party, and invite all of you guys, OK?