I Could Be Famous!

Greetings,

Oh my goodness! I am so excited! I could be famous! I got an email from the Ford Modeling Agency---the real one, in NYC---asking me to enter the Fresh New Faces Modeling Contest! Can you imagine? I am, of course, over the moon with excitement.

Now, all I have to do is get Missy Linda to help me enter. I am a little worried about asking Missy Linda to do something like that right now---she thinks she is so busy with her classes and stuff. Just because she is helping with some Halloween costumes and is in the middle of making a quilt, she will probably say she doesn't have the time. Also, I know that she will not spend any money to let me do this, so I hope it is free!

Wish me luck to get her on board, ok?

It's Cryin' Time Again

Hello humans,

Wow! Around here everyone's eyes are all teary and ookey! Are yours? I hear that it is a particular kind of allergy at this time of year that bothers more humans than usual. However, at this house, there is always some kind of irritation that bothers everyone. I have never seen the like of runny noses, headaches and puffy eyes as exist around here. I have heard talk of wanting to move into one of those houses that is all totally shut off from the world and everything is sterile. I don't think that is a good idea. If they do that, I will have to find some other family to take me into their lives. I am cut off from the world enough as it is.

Missy Linda is one of those people who can hole up at home for an indefinite period of time without ever missing the outside world. She can watch movies and read and sew and just let the world go by without worrying about it. Although, she is kind of a news junkie, which seems to contradict the other part. She is happy to just watch the world on television, I guess. I hate it when she gets into one of those isolationist moods. She just lets herself go all to heck. She gets a little hard on the eyes, if you know what I mean.

It used to be that she would never go without make-up and super clean hair, but she will some days now. I don't know what has come over her, but it is scary to me. Now, she doesn't go out of the house like that, thank goodness, but I worry that it could come to that. I do not think that the world would be ready for that, do you?

Politics

Greetings humans,

I watched the debate between the Presidential candidates with Missy Linda last night. I think that it may take me awhile to figure out politics. It definitely seems rather weird to me. I do not believe that I heard a word about Tortilla Keeper People at all. I do not believe that anyone cares about our rights.

After hearing about what different groups of people believe that their entitlements should be, I think that, since I am disabled, I should get some benefits, too. I do not have any medical insurance or anything along those lines. I just have to live with whomever will be kind enough to give me a home. I will probably never have a home of my own. I did not hear anything about someone caring about that.

It just occurred to me what I have to do. I will have to start a political group that will work with me to help get rights for the Tortilla Keeper People of the United States. I am sure that there must be more than just me. If you know any Tortilla Keeper People, please have them get in touch with me. It is of utmost importance. We have been kept down too long. Please help me in my fight, ok?

Are You Sick of Kenley?

Hello humans,

Again, I am having trouble understanding you humans. Of course, this is not big news. What is it with Project Runway that Kenley is still there? Is it that she makes things more exciting by causing so much crap? If I had been Tim, I would have slapped her sweet little 1950's face! He must be made of some strong mettle to have resisted that urge!

You know, at first she seemed like she did a good job of making the garments, even if they were ugly. However, it has developed that she is a one note song. I know the brats make for good television, but come on! If she is one of the last three, I will have to do something drastic, don't you think?

Yummy!

Hello humans,

This photo is of me with my scrumptious cinnamon roll at the fair. Missy Barb had to help me hold it because it is so big! Yummy!


The cinnamon roll place is the first place that we went when we got to the fair---after those crazy women found each other. They were standing two on one side of the big flag pole or space needle or whatever it was and two on the other side of the big flag pole or space needle or whatever it was, talking on cell phones to each other. They finally figured out where they all were, although I did wonder! You humans drive me crazy sometimes! What would I do for entertainment if you all weren't so ditzy?

Fun While It Lasted

Hello humans,

Here I am at the Oklahoma State Fair with Missy Carol, Missy Sonja and Missy Barb. We had a great time until I had to go home early with Missy Linda. If you remember, she got sick, and we had to leave early.
Missy Sonja is Mr. Fred's aunt from The Netherlands. Isn't she cute? She is very nice and a lot of fun. I wish that I could have spent more time with her. A while after this picture was taken, she tried on a cowboy hat with jewels on it. It looked so adorable! She didn't want to buy it, though, no matter how much we tried to talk her into the purchase. I hope that she comes back to visit Mr. Fred and Missy Carol again. She did not quite understand who I am, but she is still great.

Next year at the fair, I want to ride some rides and try more of the unusual foods. I hope that Missy Linda has a new camera by then that is tiny, but good. Her camera is kind of big for her to carry around every place in addition to carrying me and that humongous purse of hers! She looks ridicable!

There She Goes Again

Good morning humans,

Well, it seems Missy Linda made a B on her Shakespeare test that she was supposedly studying for earlier. She is not upset by this grade because a lot of her studying consisted of watching movies or television with a text book open on her lap. She says she has good intentions, but I think that she is just lazy. She did get only four points taken off the essay portion of the test---which had three essays to it. She will need to get that grade up though. This week they start with Much Ado About Nothing. That sounds like the perfect title for Missy Linda's life, doesn't it?

If any of you are old enough to remember Roseanne Roseanna Danna, Missy Linda subscribes to her philosophy which was, "It's always something. If it's not one thing, it's another." Missy Linda says that her life got easier for her when she finally realized that it would always "be something." When she was young, she thought that if she could just get this done or that finished, she could stop worrying or working or whatever it was. Then she finally realized that there would always be "something." That helped her put things into perspective and learn to deal with life better. For instance, just because this test is over, she can't take a vacation. It's time to start a new subject, and it will always be that way. Right?

The Fair

Greetings humans,

I absolutely could not believe it! Missy Linda took me to the Oklahoma State Fair with her on Wednesday! Can you believe it? It was a lot of fun. I certainly got to do a lot of human watching because she actually let me go in my see-through bag that Missy Barb made for me.

She took only a couple of pictures of me there, though, because she got sick and had to go home early. I did see, among the exhibits, two people similar to me who might have been distant relatives of mine. They were not tortilla keeper people, but one was a cake person, and one was a decorative pillow person. I was just happy to get to look at them even though Missy Linda was not feeling well by then, and she did not take their pictures. I can only hope that they were able to see me through the display case so that they know, too, that there may be others similar to them in this big world. It was quite a day!

Old Movie

Hello humans,

Can you believe that Missy Linda would not take me to the movies on Saturday with her to see The Women, but she did not hesitate to make me watch the 1939 version that was on TCM last night! How rude! Except for a fancy fashion show in the middle of the movie, it was not even in color. Now, if they had color, why didn't they use it throughout the movie! All those creepy looking women would have looked better if their weird clothes had been in color! Except for Mary, I could not tell who was supposed to be pretty, and who wasn't. Did people really dress like that?

I've seen a few pictures of Missy Linda's mother, and she did not dress like that. Of course, she was not rich. I think that I've heard that she was the opposite of rich. As dramatic as I like to be, even I would not dress like those women did!

Well, I need to wrap up for today. Missy Linda is hanging around trying to print something so I cannot speak my mind freely. I'll catch you all later, ok?

Same Ol' Thing

Good morning humans,

Well, as usual, I have been told that I cannot go to Palau unless I have a passport OR unless I want to ride HEAD DOWN IN A BAG! Now, if you all have been with me for awhile, you know that I do not like to be stuffed into a bag for transport or for storage. One of my biggest goals in life is to not let that happen to me again.

As many of you remember, I have spent a good deal of my existence HEAD DOWN IN A BAG! It is not fun. (If you aren't aware of this problem, look back to the earlier blogs.) Missy Barb made me a clear sort of carrying case with ribbon decorations and everything. I still use it when I travel. The only problem with it is that if Missy Linda leaves me in the car, it gets kind of soft and conforms to my body, and I nearly suffocate-----but I can still see! At this point in my existence, I am not willing to experiment to find out if I could, in fact, suffocate.

I suppose that now I am left with the only excitement in my future, that I know of, will be my trip to San Antonio next month. That will be great fun, but I'll bet you anything that I get left in the car a lot!

Well, I suppose, the nice thing to do would be to wish Missy Sharon and Missy Leslie and Mr. Kirk a bon voyage. I am trying to decide if I am a nice tortilla person or not.

She Always Does That To Me

Hi humans,

I just want to make it known that I am getting tired of the way Missy Linda has been leaving me at home all the time. She went to the movies yesterday and left me home again! I wanted to see that movie, too. She didn't even ask me if I wanted to go. She just told me that it would not be a good time to go since Mr. Fred's aunt from Amsterdam would be going. Missy said that not everyone would understand about me. She says that it is actually kind of strange for her to take me places and that other people do not take inanimate beings with them when they go places. Can you imagine? As if I did not have enough problems as it is! She is just being mean to me!

And she still doesn't have my cheerleading outfit made! If I were a real cheerleader, it would have to be ready at a certain time. Maybe she will have it ready by the last game of the season!

I think that I will ask Missy Sharon if I can go with her and Missy Leslie and Mr. Kirk to Palau. I think that they are going very soon. I know it is sometime this month. Maybe one of them has some extra frequent flier miles or something. They are going to visit Missy Danka and Mr. Ron who live there. I think they said something about scuba diving. That sounds fun! I wonder if I would have trouble staying under water. I think that they would let me go with them, don't you?

I Love Shakespeare!

Good morning humans,

I cannot tell you how happy I am about Missy Linda's Shakespeare class. They were supposed to have a test yesterday, but they didn't. Remember how she was supposed to be studying on Wednesday? Well, the professor just gave them a little quiz, which didn't count, to demonstrate to them how unprepared they really were. It's probably a good thing. Missy Linda wasn't prepared for that kind of a test!

That prof asked questions like, "What was the name of the primary text book that Shakespeare had in grammar school?" "What was the first book in which Shakespeare's name and some of his writings were listed?" "What year did Shakespeare's son, Hamnet, die?" "Who related the story that Shakespeare was a butcher before he started writing?" and on and on. Isn't that great? She is actually going to have to study this year? Ha, ha. Serves her right. She never has had to study that much. She won't be able to blow off this class. And there are papers to write, also. I love it!

She should be busy and stuck at home this semester, and that means that I can shop on the internet and do all the things that she won't usually let me do. If any of you want me to go someplace with you, just email me. I'll bet I would love to go places with you-----if you are fun! No fuddyduddies! I can get that with Missy Linda! I'll be waiting to hear from you, ok?

Today-----Shopping

Hi humans,

I do believe that I am going to have a great day today. Missy Linda has to study for a big test that she is having tomorrow, and that might mean that I have the freedom to SHOP online. Yea! I haven't been able to do that for a long time. When she is distracted by trying to get a project finished or trying to study, she wanders off from the computer while it is still on. That works out great for me!

I was very smart the last time that I tried to shop online, and I saved her credit card number. I hope that I can remember where I saved it and how to retrieve it. I am sure that if I concentrate hard enough, it will come to me. Otherwise, I will just have to find a way to get hold of the real card. If she studies as hard as she should, I will be able to do almost anything without her noticing.

The trouble with that is, she has never studied as hard as she should. She doesn't really study much at all. She always spends lots of time working on the papers she must write for classes, but she is not much of a studier. She would make better grades if she were. She does study some for the classes she likes, but, when she is taking math and biology and things that are peripheral to her major, she just blows them off. I don't think that she can afford to blow off Shakespeare. Whether she likes it or not, he is important, and those Shakespeare people are passionate about him and everything he ever said and did. She had better get busy, don't you think?

Let's Hope There's Enough

Hello humans,

If you hear screaming in a minute, it will be coming from my house. When Missy Linda got up, she discovered she barely had enough coffee, and maybe not enough to make it taste right. She did not have enough for how she usually makes it, so she tried to figure out how much water would make the right amount for the ground coffee she had. I guess we'll see in a minute or two whether she guessed right. She is pretty particular about her coffee. She is not a gourmand or anything, she just likes her coffee a certain way.

It's is probably not good to get up on a Monday and not have coffee, I'm guessing. Isn't that how it is with you humans? I'll guarantee you that Missy Linda will not run to the store without her make-up on to buy coffee. As important as coffee is, make-up is more important. The only people to see her without it is her immediate family. She says that she is not that vain, she just doesn't want to scare people. I will say, she is not so cute without it.

Missy Linda said that when she got up to feed the pets and give them their medicine, she saw the mother and children raccoons. Unfortunately, they saw her about the same time and headed for the back fence. I don't think that she is ever going to get a picture of them. Those raccoon kids are probably about ready to graduate from raccoon school by now. They are getting pretty big.

Well, I haven't heard any screaming from the kitchen so far. Maybe things will be all right, after all. I do want to mention that, if you noticed previously, Missy Linda got up to feed the pets and give them their meds. Can you believe that? I'll bet that she would complain if she had to get up just to give me medicine. However, I will say that it does have some entertainment value when she gives Andrew his pill. A grown woman vs. a nine pound antique cat. He usually wins the first two times, or so. Now, that's entertainment! Right?

Wow! Football Games Are Like Pageants!

Greetings all,

I have seen my first college football games now, and I like them. Not so much the actual games, but the marching bands and the cheerleaders and the pompon squads and the color guards and all those fabulous things where people also wear colorful uniforms. Oh my goodness! I would give anything to have legs and feet so I could do some of those things! I think that I would love to be a cheerleader or a pompon girl. Those guy cheerleaders have to be very muscular to lift those girl cheerleaders up and toss them around and do all those things that they do. I haven't seen an unhandsome one so far.

I hope that Missy Linda will make me a cheerleading outfit even though I have physical deficits that would make actual cheerleading impossible. She has been pretty good about things like that lately. I have a friend named Barbie who has an OU cheerleading costume. She says that she was a cheerleader there. I don't know.

I want to be a fan for OU. That's not where Missy Linda goes to school, but she is a football fan of that school. All of her kids graduated from college there, as did her son-in-law and daughter-in-law. She went there for a very tiny amount of time a long, long, long time ago, but she didn't even get close to graduating. She used to have season tickets with reserved parking, and she would fix a big tail gate feast and put up her red and white OU canopy and have a party. She gets a little sad on home game days now because she is not there in the big middle of the hoopla. She can't afford her tickets since the divorce, you know. Her goal is to work hard and have the money for them next year. We'll see, won't we? Boomer. Sooner. (Sorry, Pseudo Uncle)

Good News!

Good day humans,

I don't understand it all, but we have had a good thing happen here at Missy Linda's house. Tio Kane has had trouble with his eyes for a couple of years or more since he had lasik surgery to correct his vision. He was left with double vision in one eye and blinding halos and star bursts in the other eye. Later, he had a different kind of survery on the eye with double vision. Then he had triple vision. The last surgery was about six or eight months ago. He did not want another surgery.

Yesterday he saw his surgeon again. After a lengthy examination and much discussion, the surgeon tried a kind of eye drop that causes the pupils to get smaller. Having very large pupils was causing some of the problems in the surgery. After waiting 15 minutes, Kane could see! He says it is very dark, like wearing sunglasses at night, but other than that everything is sharp and clear----something he hasn't experienced for years! We don't know if this will be the answer in the end, but it's better than anything that has been offered yet. We will wait and see with great optimism, ok?

She Is On Cloud 9

Hello there humans,

Well I wish that I had realized all it takes to keep Missy Linda happy is to guess her age at way under what it really is. I don't know how many times in a row that works, but I am willing to give it some tries. She came in from school today saying what a great day she had. After she had babbled on for a while, she declared that the reason that her day was so good was that someone at school had guessed her age at more than fifteen years under what it really is. She said that it was not some kid who was guessing, but it was an adult woman who is younger than she.

I am totally shocked at this. I never heard this sort of thing from Missy Linda before. I did not realize that she was so shallow. Well, all right, I knew she was shallow about some things, but I did not know that was one of them. She says that it just happened on the right day at the right time, and that she is not really one to put such stock in something like that. Yeah, right. I'll keep you all posted on this. It might be knowledge we can use to our advantage, right?

You Humans Are Weird

Good morning you crazy humans,

And that pretty much means all of you! Remember yesterday, when I was talking about how Missy Linda said that people shop in other people's trash on Big Trash Monday? Well, this morning, I was just sitting in my place in the dining room, looking out the front window, when I witnessed it for myself. Two people in a pick-up with a long trailer attached, pulled up out front. You know, the kind of trailer that people bring on garage sale day when they are going to buy up the furniture, probably to sell in their store. Well, low and behold, they just shopped up Missy Linda's whole big pile of trash.

Missy Linda just said, "They are going to be so sorry when they unroll that huge rug. I could tell them, that smell will never come out!" And then she kind of smiled a very strange smile.

I stand by my original premise; You Humans Are Weird!