Tired of Being Inanimate

Dear most humans and others,

I still have not figured out how to get things done without the help of Missy Linda or some other person. I am weary of not being able to do anything or go anywhere without them. For example, just because Missy Linda is too tired or something hurts when she gets home from work or if she is too tired and stiff when she gets up in the morning, I have to pay the price by not being able to do anything! I am sick of it!

I can guarantee all of you that I have never had anything to do with causing her crickety old body to fall apart, nor have I caused her to have colds, flu, sore throats or any other sicknesses. I am innocent of causing any of her problems- - -except for a few of the credit card bills. But, really, doesn't she owe me that much? This whole situation is ridicible!

I believe I will write a letter to Dr. Stephen Hawking to see what kind of magical computerized machines he has that allow him to stay alive and talk and do his work! I'll bet he will not be able to resist a beautiful woman like I am, right? After all, he has had several very beautiful wives since becoming ill, so he must have some secrets to share.