Santa is dead!

Hello most humans and many others,

I know that you humans have this guy called Santa Claus for your Christmas celebrations. I need to give you some terrible news about him. Please try to remain calm. This is going to be sad for you guys.

From where I have been sitting on the dining room table, I can see out the front window. Well, I can see that in the yard across the street is Santa. However, he seems to have been mugged or something because he is hanging upside down by some kind of electrical cord. He can't possibly still be alive. I am so sorry that I am the one who had to bring you this terrible news, but I haven't heard a word about it on the news.

Stay brave, humans.