Not As I Had Hoped

Hello most humans and many others,

As you may remember, I was looking forward to watching what I had hoped would be some very entertaining shows on television, especially until the weather cools down some. Yesterday, Missy Linda left the TV on while she wandered away to do no telling what, so I was able to see one of the shows I was anticipating. The program I got to watch was "Big Law: Deputy Butterbean." I had thought Bean (as some call him) had been a wrestler, but actually, he's a former boxer- - -evidentally a good one. The show is okay, but I had hoped it would be funnier- - -the kind of hilarious that they don't know they are being, but everyone else is laughing! I suppose that would be, "We are laughing at you, not with you."

I still have some hopes left for enjoying, "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?"

On Thursday, Missy Barb, Missy Carol, and Missy Linda had one of their parties. It is hard for me to remember the last time that I was included in one of their soirees. I guess it was all right this time, though, because Missy Linda's car air conditioner fan still had the dead thing in it on the way down there. This means that she had to drive without the coolness. I want no part of hot air or smell of dead animal blowing onto beautiful me! Pseudo Uncle took care of the problem while Missy Linda was there, though, so now the car is safe for me. Thank you, Pseudo Uncle!

I suppose I had better go and get started with another day that will probably be "Not As I Had Hoped!"

What Did She Do?

Hello most humans and many others,

This past weekend was kind of an eventful time in Edmond- - -for many people- - -not necessarily for Tortilla Keepers. However, some of the things that happened are just as well left to be experienced by others, as far as I'm concerned. One of the biggest things in this area was a huge fire that burned thirteen homes. It started on Thursday and flared up again later. It closed down I35 several times. It is so terrible for those people who lost their homes! I would never had made it through a big fire, so that sounds particularly scary for me.

I heard on the news that we also experienced a 2.0 earthquake in the area, which, of course, is smaller than the 2.7 that we had last week. I know we have them all the time, but still, that could be frightening for those of you who are not made of Styrofoam.

A really strange thing is that on Sunday, only right in Oklahoma City and very close by, it was only 87 degrees for the high! All the other places, even right next to us, were over 100 degrees, as usual. Missy Linda says it is probably because we finally got our air conditioner fixed on Sunday. She didn't care what it was doing outside, though. She was just delirious because it was cool inside! The other weird thing that happened weatherwise, was that we actually got a little rain. It really was a small amount, but it was actually rain.




I can't help but wonder what Missy Linda has done to cause these weird things to happen. I hear people talk about things like Karma, but I don't know much about those subjects. I just think that surely Missy Linda is involved when things get weird, don't you?

Glory! It Will Be Cool Today!

Hello most humans and many others,

Don't get excited! It's not going to be cool outside here in central Oklahoma- - -just inside our house! We have been without the downstairs air conditioner since sometime Tuesday. It's not that Missy Linda hasn't tried to get it fixed, it was just one of those things (says she)! Let me tell you, I have been worried about my personal safety in this horrific heat! High temperatures do not agree with my body elements.

Missy Linda (bless her heart) called our usual air conditioner dude on Wednesday morning. She called him because he usually comes within a couple of hours, and she has had no complaints with his work. She does worry about his working out in the extreme heat because he must weigh at least 350 pounds! Needless to say, he huffs and he puffs, and he sweats about a gallon of water per 5 minutes. One thing she does not like about him, though, is that when he is finished working, he walks straight past her to the kitchen table and collapses into a chair. He proceeds to expound on all sorts of topics, including, but not limited to, politics, what light bulbs to buy, how to kill an invasive tree, and how he never has dry clothes at any time when he is in Florida!

I believe that we have a new favorite air conditioner repair company now because former favorite never came this week even though he assured Missy Linda he would be here. He stopped returning calls, so, finally, Missy Linda decided he must have had a massive heart attack and died. "Not really his fault," she said, but she proceeded to call the new company. They charged the same amount as hefty guy had charged for the same problem, and they came on Sunday morning. There was no advice given except pertaining to the air conditioning system, and we were not concerned that we might have to call an ambulance or administer CPR!

We can return to our "normal" lives now! Oh, great!

Making Plans

Hello most humans and many others,

I am beginning to believe that it is not going to get any cooler- - -ever. I worry much more about the effects of heat on my body than I do cold. Cold is uncomfortable for me, but heat could melt me, I'm pretty sure, and it is supposed to be over a hundred degrees before noon today!

Taking into account these facts and my beliefs, I have begun to plan my life as if I am living on the surface of the sun- - -because that's what it's like these days here. Anyway, I will be staying inside out of the heat, and hope that the air-conditioner holds up. I will just loll around and watch television until the heat subsides, so I have been noting the previews of new show that are coming soon. I have made plans to watch some interesting shows.

One show that I misseed last night was "Heidi Fleiss: Prostitutes to Parrots." I hope they rerun that soon. I would hate to miss it. Some of the new series that I plan to watch are "Hillbilly Hand Fishing," (I assume this is similar to "Okie Noodling.") "Deputy Butterbean," (I think he was a wrestler, but I'm not positive.) "Bizarre ER," and "Sons of Guns." This is a show that portrays guys making all kinds of crazy fire power. That is my list so far, but I am not finished yet. I'll keep you advised when I have made more decisions on how to waste my time.

Young or Old?

Hello most humans and many others,

The other day I heard Missy Linda, Tio Kane, and some other people talking about age. Missy Linda said that she feels better now than she did in her thirties. A man just one year older than Missy Linda couldn't believe what she was saying. He thought maybe it is because Missy Linda doesn't have to care for children now. Tio Kane said that it is because that mister who used to live here, doesn't any more. The other man thought that was funny.

Missy Linda thought about the conversation later, and she has decided that what she had said is true. Maybe not for only the reason that Tio Kane suggested, although that is probably a factor - - - like we care one way or the other. She says that even though she still has headaches, she doesn't have nearly as many as she did back then. She is sure that she gets more sleep now and eats more healthfully, which is going to help, for sure.

I think she figures that if she didn't have a bad knee and if she got more exercise, she would be pretty well ready for the next twenty-five years. And to that I would say, "Please, let her give me to someone else before twenty-five years passes! "

What is a Good Day?

Hello most humans and many others,

I was just thinking as I was watching Missy Linda let Mr. Nelson in and out to chase a certain squirrel with a dark oval on his bushy tail. He is easily identifiable as the main nemesis of Mr. Nelson this season. He may have been born just this year because he is not very big, and he is very athletic, brash, and sassy. He seems to delight in teasing Mr. Nelson from the safety of the tree branches. Anyway, I was wondering what it is that makes for a good day for any given individual (humans, animals, and others).

As I have said, Mr. Nelson likes to chase squirrels, check his tree mail as many times as he can, get several treats, play hide and seek or chase, and get some bites of people food. If several of those things happen in a day, he has had a good one.

I am not as sure about what makes a good day for Missy Linda or Tio Kane. I am beginning to think that one day they might say one thing and another day say it's something entirely different. Surely there are those few ordinary things that make a person feel satisfied or content that day. I know that sometimes Missy Linda REALLY enjoys her coffee first thing in the morning, but some days, it doesn't seem to matter. There are times that hearing a certain song can make her start singing along and seem very happy. I have observed that a phone call or something in the mail can make her ecstatic or forlorn. I have learned that these forms of communication can bring great news or bad news, and sometimes can change the tone of a day or a longer time.

I guess I would just say to find a couple of things every day that make you feel good- - -for a minute or for a long time. If you look for such things, surely you can come up with at least two a day, even if you are not in a very good place right then.

Summertime Cabin Fever

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I think the heat and staying indoors is making Missy Linda and Tio Kane a little sick of each other. The other day, Tio Kane sent Missy Linda a picture of CeeLo Green's belly. If you don't know who that is, find out, and you will know why that is disturbing! Missy Linda loves Ceelo's singing, but she says she could have gone the rest of her life without seeing another man's fat, tattoed belly. I think I will vote for that.

It seems that Missy Linda doesn't go anywhere except the grocery store, and when she gets back from there, I have to listen to her ranting about how everything has gone up in price since the last time she was there. Sometimes, if she is really annoyed, she will name a bunch of the products and tell the old price and the new price. You know what, I don't care! I don't eat, and unless she is bringing something for me, I'm just not going to get involved.

I am just hanging in there until it cools down a little so they will get out of the house- - -or better yet, until they each get a job!

How Long Is It Now?

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I thought it might be cooler by now, but, obviously, I was wrong. I just heard that it won't be under a hundred degrees for more than another week! I must mention that Missy Linda is beginning (!) to get slightly (!) cranky. If you know her personally, you know what I am talking about.

I don't know what to do with her. I think that maybe I should live with a human who is easier to understand. If any of you have any ideas to help me control her better, please, let me know. I am open to any suggestions.

One of the problems, obviously, is that she could easily grab me up and slam me into a shopping bag or a trash can- - -head first!!! On the other hand, I am not able to intimidate her with threats of the same treatment, so I must use my tiny empty plastic head to outwit her somehow! I actually think I could pull it off with the right plan!

N

Big Trouble in Little Nelsonville

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I believe that it might be a long day for Mr. Nelson and Missy Linda. Today is trash day, and that gets Mr. Nelson hepped up enough because he gets to go out front to help put out the trash with Tio Kane and then take out the recycling with Missy Linda. Also, he feels he MUST check his "tree mail" at least five times an hour.

For some reason, known only to them, they (Missy Linda and Mr. Nelson) seem to be getting more annoyed with each other than usual. Mr. Nelson has been barking very sharply at Mr. Mushu this morning, and Missy Linda doesn't like that AT ALL. Missy Linda says that sharp, high-pitched yelping cuts through her brain like a machete. (That explains a lot, right?) Also, yesterday morning, Missy Linda let Mr. Nelson out front to chase a squirrel---at least, that's what she thought he wanted to do. Well, he had seen a neighbor's huge puppy (looks like a Husky, but taller) in our front yard, so he immediately took out after the dog in the dog's own front yard. Mr. Nelson would not stop lunging at the puppy or listen or mind Missy Linda. She said that he was so lucky that it was a puppy that Mr. Nelson was after or he would have been beaten to a pulp or eaten alive!

I think that he is still grounded, and that makes it miserable for those of us who have to listen to Mr. Nelson and Missy Linda argue!