It's Oscar Weekend

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I"ve gotta tell you that I am pumped about the Oscars. I don't get to go to any movies, but I love the beautiful dresses and all the pagentry of the Oscars. I remember that when I first lived with Missy Linda, she let me have parties for the Oscars. I was thinking that if I play my cards right, there's a chance that I could do that again.

If nothing else happens in my favor, I may have to resort to questionable methods to get what I want. That's more exciting anyway, right? Missy Linda is right in the middle of one of her headaches. She doesn't notice much of what goes on around her at that time. She usually has her head covered with an ice bag.

I was considering the possibility of just pretending she is not here, and I could easily plan the party without her. She would be surprised on Sunday, but she couldn't do much to me in front of guests, right?

Getting Better

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I'm hoping that Tio Kane and Missy Linda are about over their colds. Even Mr. Nelson has been coughing and sneezing! Tio Kane says that Missy Linda gave Mr. Nelson her cold when she was hacking and sneezing germs all over the place. He was complaining that he was just getting better, and then Mr. Nelson kept him awake with his noises trying to breathe and with his sneezing. I don't know. That took place upstairs, and I don't go up there. I know that Tio Kane was the first one here who had it.

They are all about to drive me bananas. You humans make a lot of really strange noises when you're trying to clear out your heads. Aren't you all afraid that you'll expel some pieces of your brains? I think that may have happened to Missy Linda.

Mr. Nelson Wants Real Thing

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I have to give Mr.Nelson credit, he does a good job of remaining his usual polite self even when he must convey his distaste for the treats Missy Linda is attempting to push onto him. The other day, she ran out of the brand name treats that Mr. Nelson gets when he goes into the front yard and doesn't bark and doesn't go past the driveway. She ran into the Dollar Tree on her way to class and grabbed a box of treats to get by.

By the end of the next day, Mr. Nelson had had enough of the inferior product. He didn't pout (too much) and he didn't throw a fit. He merely took each treat, with a withering look at Missy Linda, and then he promptly carried each treat out to the back yard. I don't know where he took the objectionable treats. He would just be gone awhile and come back without them.

Missy Linda went to the real store to get the real treats, and Mr. Nelson was very relieved. And now he is living hapily ever after.

Missed the Show

Hello most humans and many others,

Wow! I don't get to write very often these days, do I? It's Missy Linda's fault, of course. Since I don't have legs, I am dependent on her to let me use the computer, as you know. Well, she has been working on her "homework" she says. Since she has been in these writing classes, she spends most of her time on the computer. At least it seems like that to me.

This week, she has been pouting. It seems that she would have liked to see Lewis Black when he was in town last week. She whines all the time about not having any money, but I don't see her doing anything about that. She's always saying that she is applying for jobs, but I don't know.

She has this "thing" for comedians or funny social commentators like some people have for rock stars. She says the tickets to see them cost a lot less than the tickets for a music show. Still, I think she should just learn to live with the fact that she will never see Lewis Black in person. She gets all huffy and tells me how when she was married to that man who used to live here, they had had tickets to see Lewis Black in small, intimate setting. It was a club rather than an auditorium. Well, the mister who used to live here got really angry with Missy Linda and he refused to go. He didn't say that until almost time to leave for the show, though, so Missy Linda didn't go either. She didn't feel like going after bawling all afternoon, she said.

Let me just say this, "Keep your stupid problems to yourself, Missy Linda. And let me use the computer!"

Holidays!

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I must admit that Mr. Nelson is annoying even me this morning- - -and I don't even have to let him in and out five hundred times a day! He knows that Monday is trash day, and the neighbors have put out their cans and recycling. Unfortunately, since it is a holiday, the trash will not be picked up today. He is in "go mode" in anticipation of the trucks' arrivals. He has already been out in the front yard about five times. He is primed for action on Mondays, and he doesn't want to hear about holidays.

Did you watch the Golden Globes last night? Mr. Nelson was very excited that the little dog from that movie The Artist got to go up and help accept an award. He was even on the Today show this morning. Mr. Nelson is worried that the humans are making him work too hard though. I don't know, but he did look very sleepy on the Today show.

All Her Plants Are Dead!

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, Missy Linda made a sad discovery yesterday afternoon. I think it was inevitable, but she seemed really upset. It so happens that she found out for sure that her little magnolia tree has definitely passed away. I have heard her say that giving her a plant is handing the poor plant a death sentence. I wonder what that poor little tree did to deserve that!

The weirdest thing is that she has been watering it all this time. I guess she didn't water it quite enough back in July when it was 120 degrees, and it didn't rain at all. I can attest to the fact that she did try, but obviously not hard enough. (It probably didn't help that she had moved the poor little tree twice since she got it.)

In addition to the demise of the magnolia, it appears that her Bonsai is dead. I think the name of that kind is "money tree." It originally had three entertwined plants. It was lovely. Now, there is one little green piece of wood left at the end of one stalk, but there are no leaves at all. That kind of mirrors what happened with the magnolia. I think that it's only a matter of time.

Smart Dog

Hey there most humans and many others,

Today is trash day in our neighborhood. It is Mr. Nelson's favorite day because he likes to go out to take the big cans down to the curb and to go out to put more bags of trash into the cans and to take the recycling down to the curb. He gets to go into the front yard lots of times, and then he gets to bark at the big trash trucks when they come.

It is Tio Kane's job to take out the trash, and Missy Linda takes care of the recycling. Sometimes when Tio Kane has already taken the trash out, Missy Linda will come out of nowhere with a whole other bag. She sets it sort of by the front door (inside) for Tio Kane to take out when he comes by. Sometimes these bags are fairly heavy.

Anyway, Mr. Nelson has recently been guilty of getting into these bags to get at any morsels or treasures he sniffs in there. The thing is that he doesn't tear the bags, though. He only opens them at the top by untying them. If he can't open the top, he leaves them alone!

Missy Linda, as she was cleaning up the mess one time, was surprised to discover how he had gotten into the bag. She says that she has to give him credit for not tearing into the bags, but she wants to know how he unties them! She says that makes him smarter than some of the adults she knows! You humans are a pretty sad bunch.

Long Day

Hello most humans and many others,

Well, I am thinking that today might be a long day for me. Missy Linda will be hogging the computer soon, I am sure. She has until 6:00 am tomorrow to decide whether or not she will be taking classes this semester. I know she wants to go to school, but she is thinking she needs to concentrate on finding a decent job. She certainly doesn't want to have to resort to some type of unseemly activity to earn money like I hear when she and Tio Kane joking around. At least I pray that they are joking!

Sadly, when she whines about having no marketable skills, she is right on target. She has no special training of any kind, and most of her jobs, except the fabric store, were businesses she had at home. Prospective employers do not count that as any kind of experience these days. She can sew letters and numbers on sports uniforms, but the absolute most she can make is seventy cents a letter if they are the largest size and are what are termed "double letters." That's fine for extra money maybe, but she can't make a lot doing that.

Something tells me I am going to be hearing a lot of moaning and groaning and complaining in the near future. I think I had better go and start getting myself steeled up for the onslaught.

Partying Without Me?

Hello most humans and many others,

I know that you humans were having all kinds of parties and celebrations without me for New Year's Eve. I actually heard fireworks going off two different nights! I would have gone to any of your parties if you had only invited me. I kind of feel that I deserved a little fun after another episode of being left in the car, head down in a shopping bag!

I have finally realized that Missy Linda isn't going to take me places or throw parties for me. I was hoping that my friends out there would take up the slack. You humans aren't as nice as I originally thought.

What's Been Happening?

Hello most humans and many others,

So, what has been going on lately? I don't know where I was being taken, but somehow I ended up head down in a grocery bag in the back of Missy Linda's car for the umpteenth time. I was there so long I don't even remember where I was supposed to be going. If I had blood, it would have been puddling in my brain for all that time. No wonder I am disoriented.

I know that I was there when it was pretty cold, and it never really warmed up, even when the sun was shining. I suppose that I should be satisfied that I was finally rescued and am in the house now- - -right side up. As soon as my brain clears, I am going to demand some answers and then some better treatment from Missy Linda. I believe that it might be time for me to contact my Tortilla Person Representative, don't you?