They're Ba-a-a-ack!

Dear humans,

Well, here I am again, right next to an ad for a scabies remedy! I thought we had this all settled. What are you guys doing out there? Do you even care what happens to me because of you? Do you even know how embarrassing it is to have an ad like that right on my blog---and not even for the first time? What if there are other Tortilla Keeper People out there looking for others of the same kind, and they see me next to an ad for something disgusting like that?

You all must be heartless, dirty people who don't care at all about me! I have just about had it with all of you! I mean it about having the medical checks and background inquiries. Don't make me have to do that, OK? The first time I see any of you scratching, you have had it!

That Was Close!

Hello humans,

Well, it looks like you guys took showers or something! I see the ads about scabies and nasty parasites are gone. Seriously, though, do they have some kind of screening that they do on you before you can read my blog? I am really getting worried about this. Can you give me any of these diseases through the computer? Can a Tortilla Keeper Person catch human diseases?

If there continues to be no more ads for creepy things, I will trust you people. However, if those ads pop up frequently, then I will have no choice but to instigate some kind of security system for myself. Surely, you can understand this. I have enough to worry about just living with Missy Linda; I can't take much more pressure than that. I don't know if I will issue ID cards of some kind or a password or what, but I am sure you can sympathize with my plight. I will just say that you should probably get ready for an extensive background investigation and an intensive and invasive health work-up, ok?

Alone Again, Naturally

Hello humans,

Have I used that song title before? Well, it is appropriate for me most of the time these days! That has become the definition of the life of Juana Tortilla, lonely and sad Tortilla Keeper Person. I don't have a life any more! When is that old lady going to be finished with school? That's all she cares about. That, and getting a job. If that happens, I might as well just crawl head first back into my shopping bag.

I have to get hold of myself! I swore that I would never live head down in a shopping bag again. I have to resist this mood. I must think of a way to get Missy Linda to go places that she will take me. I have got to get my life of adventure back!

Alert! Alert! Did you see those ads next to me? Why do they think that you guys have scabies or dangerous parasites? Who are you people? Am I in danger from you? Should I go underground for awhile? Help! Help!

At Least Tomorrow is Fat Tuesday

Hello humans,

Well, did you all have a good Oscar night? I didn't, and you can guess why. I did not get a new dress. I did not get to have a party. I did not get invited to someone else's party. I did not get to drink yummy cocktails. I did not get to see any cute Tortilla Keeper guys, or any other guys, for that matter. I think that about sums up my evening!

I heard that tomorrow is Fat Tuesday. Maybe we will do something for that. We don't have to be Catholics to participate in the revelry before Lent, do we? I'm fairly new around here, but I think someone has a pretty slick scam going with this Fat Tuesday deal, don't you? It's like you go out to look for fun sins to commit, and you plan to do it ahead of time. I don't know if giving up something for Lent can make up for all the stuff I would be interested in doing. How about you?

Have You Been to the Movies?

Hello humans,

Since tonight is the Oscars, I was wondering if any of you all have seen the movies that are nominated. As you have heard from me from time to time, I never get to go to the movies. Not because of my own desires, but because Missy Linda won't take me. She seldom even goes unless Missy Barb and Missy Carol and she go together. She just waits for the movies to come to cable. Believe me, that can take awhile! Now that they come out on DVD's so soon, that seems to keep them off cable even longer!

She thinks that it costs too much to pay regular price to get in to a movie unless it is really something special. If everybody thought that way, they would quit making movies, don't you think? When she does go, she tries to go to the cheap showings early in the day or whatever. Anything to save a buck around here!

I'm beginning to wonder if we are even having something tonight for the Oscars. I don't notice any extra activity around here. No one seems to be fixing special food or vacuuming or anything. I think that might be a bad sign, don't you?

Can You Say, "Crazy!"

Hello humans,

I think that Missy Linda may have gone around that bend. She is driving me there if she isn't going there herself. Maybe she and I can enjoy it together.

The other day, Doug-call-me-Doug, a professor, told Missy Linda that she is an absurdist. She has been going bonkers lately googling stuff and trying to figure out if that is what she is. Who knows and more importantly, who cares? What possible difference can that make in the world?

I am not sure, but I do believe that no one is required to wear a T-shirt that says what kind of person that she is or what kind of writer she is or what flavor of ice cream she likes, no matter what those answers might be. I guess I just don't get it. Is it absurdist for Missy Linda to drive me crazy with this?

Where is her Mind?

Good morning humans,

Missy Linda totally forgot to turn on the computer for me yesterday. Can you imagine? If you lived with her you could! She isn't really so much forgetful as she is scatterbrained, as her mother used to say. If she gets something entrenched in her mind, she lets it crowd out other things. This morning she told me that she just remembered that she forgot to go to her supplemental instruction (extra help) class yesterday afternoon at 4:00! She said she felt uneasy, but she fell asleep and didn't even think of it until this morning. She is lucky that they don't actually count absences. She will just make a bad grade if she doesn't "get" the material.

One thing that she was obsessed with yesterday was letting Dr. Givan know that she did not appreciate his portrayal of "Oklahoma women" who were students in his class in a story that he had published earlier. After she had read his story, and it festered in her brain a day, she was ready to blow! She knocked on his office door, and when he answered, she said, "I have come to beat you about the head and neck!"

When she explained why, he was all contrite. He offered her a cookie as a peace offering as he explained why he had portrayed the ladies as he had. She is still trying to think of a way to make him pay that doesn't involve breaking the law or any student/professor rules!

If you ask me (and you are reading my blog, so in a way, you are) she needs to straighten up and get in the game of my life! She is just letting her goofiness control my life! It's just not right! Just because I am inanimate and made of Styrofoam and plastic and whatever toxic chemicals they used when I was created, she thinks that I don't have feelings! If I didn't have feelings, would I be throwing this hissy fit right now?

What's Up?

Greetings humans,

So what's going on out there in your world? Even though Missy Linda says it is kind of cool out, it kind of has that springish feel in the air. It makes me feel like I should be out gardening or something. It makes Missy Linda feel like she should take an antihistamine and then a nap---whatever she means by that! I don't really understand her sometimes.

She thinks that she is working hard at school this semester, but I think she is just kidding herself. It doesn't look like that big of a deal to me. She is in the middle of a story in one of her classes about a knight and a dragon. How hard could that possibly be? You know what a wuss she is! She thinks she is having an exciting time because she is getting to interview people and write a story for a school magazine. Please. Exciting is being invited to an Oscar party. Exciting is meeting a celebrity in person. Exciting is driving really fast in a sports car! Exciting is buying designer clothes! She doesn't even know what exciting is, does she?

I Got Bling!

Hey there humans,

I wanted to show you what I got for my birthday presents. I got bracelets, necklaces, earrings and a big ol' hair bow. Missy Linda said that she would pierce my ears for the earrings. I wonder if that is a good idea!

I want to thank Missy Barb for the necklace with the beads. You can see how lovely it looks. Maybe I will wear it for the Oscars this weekend. Oh, my! That reminds me. I had completely forgotten about this being Oscar weekend. I'll bet Missy Linda will not let me have a party since I just had a birthday party. She is kind of lazy, you know. More importantly, she gets all wrapped up in her own stuff, and she totally forgets about me. That is harsh, don't you agree?

Good Valium-Time Day Here

Hello humans,

Oh, great! Just a note here: Missy Linda is singing her Coffee Song this morning. That means she needs her fix really badly and/or the coffee is extra good this morning. It's usually that she needs it a lot!

Back to the business at hand - - -How was your Valium-Time Day? Mine was good. Amazing, huh? No, I don't have a honey. No, Missy Linda doesn't have a honey. No, Tio Kane doesn't have a honey. However, we did have a good time.

On Saturday afternoon, Missy Ryley and Missy Emma came over to play. Ryley looked stunning in a gold dress with bright pink shoes. Missy Emma looked fabulous in a hot pink Mexican wedding dress with her own sparkly pink shoes. Jewelry was worn like the safe was emptied. A beautiful tiara crowned Missy Ryley's curly tresses. It was an event!

Later, Missy Lesley and Mr. Nick brought dinner for everyone---home cooked dinner. It was delicious. Then for dessert, we all dipped different things into melty chocolate on long skinny forks. I believe they called it fondue. It was great fun, and we ate until the chocolate was gone! After the scrumptious meal, there was hip-hop dancing! I pronounce that the day was a rousing success, wouldn't you?